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Member
Member Since Oct 2023
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 167
1 11 hugs
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#1
I lost my **** and yelled at her
“You go” I said shrill and pissed I was losing my patience It wasn’t the mother I missed “What did she say?” She said And daddy wondered what had happened to me I thought aloud and said Why didn’t she put me in an asylum and be free? Even my father annoys me Makes me feel low When I kept the sheets on his shirt I said “I’m dumb, I know” And I kicked the bed and punched it too It was a tiny mosquito I was angry at someone, I didn’t know who I laughed and giggled Then I wept and and dissociated Mood swings are crazy But I wish I was appreciated For the little things I do And trying to keep strong Rather than ridiculing me For something I did wrong And saying, “how many times should I tell you?” “I can’t even trust you to do it” You seem reluctant like your sister You postpone and say “screw it.” |
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SpaghettiLegs, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 2,821
(SuperPoster!)
3 1,265 hugs
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#2
Very nice work! Keep it up!
I would change "But I wish I was appreciated" to "But I wish I were appreciated" because it is counterfactual, as in reality you are not appreciated; "were" is used here to convey that what follows "were" is counterfactual. At least that is so in Standard Written English (of course in colloquial speech this rule is broken all the time). I really like how you rhymed "dissociated" and "appreciated". __________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg+Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity BMI ~ 38 |
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Blah nlah
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Blah nlah, unaluna
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