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Blah nlah
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Member Since Oct 2023
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 167
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Default Dec 29, 2023 at 01:41 PM
  #1
I lost my **** and yelled at her
“You go” I said shrill and pissed
I was losing my patience
It wasn’t the mother I missed

“What did she say?” She said
And daddy wondered what had happened to me
I thought aloud and said
Why didn’t she put me in an asylum and be free?

Even my father annoys me
Makes me feel low
When I kept the sheets on his shirt
I said “I’m dumb, I know”

And I kicked the bed
and punched it too
It was a tiny mosquito
I was angry at someone, I didn’t know who

I laughed and giggled
Then I wept and and dissociated
Mood swings are crazy
But I wish I was appreciated

For the little things I do
And trying to keep strong
Rather than ridiculing me
For something I did wrong

And saying, “how many times should I tell you?”
“I can’t even trust you to do it”
You seem reluctant like your sister
You postpone and say “screw it.”
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Tart Cherry Jam
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Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
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Default Dec 29, 2023 at 07:09 PM
  #2
Very nice work! Keep it up!

I would change "But I wish I was appreciated" to "But I wish I were appreciated" because it is counterfactual, as in reality you are not appreciated; "were" is used here to convey that what follows "were" is counterfactual. At least that is so in Standard Written English (of course in colloquial speech this rule is broken all the time).

I really like how you rhymed "dissociated" and "appreciated".

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Bipolar I w/psychotic features
Last inpatient stay in 2018

Geodon 40 mg
Seroquel 75 mg
Lybalvi 5 mg as a PRN

Gabapentin 1200 mg, Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects)

Long term side effects from medications some of them discontinued:
- hypothyroidism
- obesity

Suspected narcolepsy

Treated with Ritalin 5mg
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