Am I being unreasonable?

When CBT didn't work, the professionals washed their hands of me

She just flooded me again .....

Hi felineangel,

I don’t know your history with this friend. Is she someone you met online?

This person is being an emotional vampire. They are flooding you and draining you with their emotional neediness. They don’t respect your boundaries when you ask them to give you some time to respond. This is very abusive behavior.

Is this person also asking you for money?

They are doing very predatory behavior on you, and you are a very kind person who is having difficulty asserting your boundaries. Many other people would block this person and protect themselves. This situation is causing you to SH.

She's never asked me for money

Trying to type round Tigger

DBT is not Cbt you should be proactive and look for places that offer DBT long term group therapy. It is the gold standard for borderline.

Quote:

Originally Posted by felineangel She's never asked me for money Trying to type round Tigger

It's not about asking for money, your iwn time & stress causing you to SH are just as valuable as money to protect. You need to put priority on protecting yourself. What she chooses to do to herself is her responsibility, not yours

I asked about money thinking they may be a scammer. It sounds like they are just a person who is way too demanding you give them constant emotional support, and this is unhealthy enough in itself. On top of that, this is taking an emotional toll on you, causing harm to your mental health.

My therapist told me boundaries are for YOU. It doesn’t matter if the other person respects them, it is for you to enforce them. It can be a very hard thing to do. I’ve had to do it with the most difficult of people who don’t respect me and now don’t like me anymore because I enforced my boundaries. We need to do it for our own health and must protect ourselves.

She is a leech. She is literally drinking your blood.

You are certainly not being unreasonable. Take the space and time you need now to self-care. Even when you are caught up on doing that, it would be very appropriate to back her off with some boundary setting. Her threats of self-harm or suicide are a form of emotional blackmail: "Soothe me or I'll harm myself, and that will be on your head!" Do not believe that garbage. She deserves compassion, as we all do. But it is her responsibility to manage her mental illness. You will not be doing her a favor by enabling her excess neediness.

Down the line, you might consider calling her bluff. You could call 911 in her area and request that police do a wellness check. If you have more time and energy, you could say, "Would you like me to drive you to the ER at the hospital, so you can be assessed by a clinical social worker? Perhaps, you need to be admitted to a psych unit." If she ever says "yes," keep in mind that she will probably be made to sit and wait for a long time at the hospital or psych emergency facility before they give her attention. If you bring someone to the ER, don't agree to leave, if she gets bored and tired. One trip like that will probably discourage her from wanting a repeat visit.

I agree with @tart_Cherry_Jam. She is an emotional parasite. No doubt, she does experience genuine distress. But adults are supposed to be capable of self-soothing to some extent. Even children have to learn that. Even kids cannot expect to be catered to everytime they have an episode of insecurity. A child who gets that all the time becomes addicted to instant and constant reassurance. They become emotionally dependent. Maybe that's what happened to her as a child. Or maybe she was deprived of a reasonable amount of reassurance, which all children are entitled to. I don't believe in leaving babies to cry. I do believe in being very attentive to young children. However, at some point a child has to be weened emotionally, as well as physically. It might be interesting to try and figure out how she became this dependent. She didn't get that way all by herself.

Sometimes it can be helpful to give a needy person something to look forward to: Like, "I can't talk (or text or email) to you for much longer this evening, but I will touch base with you tomorrow at noon to see how you're doing." Good luck. Needy people can be very persistant. You have to draw the line somewhere and stand your ground.