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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 49,204
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Jan 06, 2024 at 03:02 PM
#1
I like to give gifts to others as a way of showing love, so I really like the Christmas season and birthdays. I work hard to give gifts I think the adults in my life will like.
But one of my sons got mad when I gave him physical gifts. I gave him a mug expressing how much I care for him as my adult child and so on. And I bought a series of books for my sister's birthday. When I told her, she responded, "Why did you do that?" My son told me I spend too much money, and he didn't have room in his condo for some books I sent him. Granted, the condo is small, but.....A few books? I gave both sons the mugs because my mother never did anything like that for me. My husband approved of them..... I am feeling hurt. What can I do in the future? Just send money? I can do that for my one son. SIgh. Suggestions? I don't know what their "love languages" are..... |
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 Nammu, Tart Cherry Jam, unaluna
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: California
Posts: 2,825
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Jan 06, 2024 at 03:37 PM
#2
I am so sorry you are hurting. I would be deeply hurt, too. What would they appreciate next time? An experience? A ticket to a performance?
__________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg+Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications, some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity BMI ~ 38 |
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 Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,903
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Jan 06, 2024 at 03:56 PM
#3
Well them getting mad is kind of rude. They don’t need to get nasty like that
As about gifts. I either ask directly what the person needs/wants or buy something they express interest for in a conversation or if not sure I buy something small that won’t take space. I don’t buy people books unless they requested a specific book. They might not like that book or prefer digital books. I am very particular what I read so I buy my own books, I’d not want people to buy me books. Could you ask what they’d like next time and follow their lead? I tend to spend too much on gifts too so I’d hate to waste money if people don’t even like it |
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Travelinglady, unaluna
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
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Jan 06, 2024 at 05:25 PM
#4
I love giving gifts too. I don’t expect anything in return but some people feel obliged to return a gift. Fortunately my daughter and her family are pretty easy to buy for.
Don’t know about love language either. Maybe an experience like tart mentioned or gift cards for practical things like food or gas? __________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,903
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Jan 06, 2024 at 05:39 PM
#5
I bought people gift cards to local restaurants. Seems to be a popular gift
One of my nephews makes 2.5 times more than me so what could I give him? I make a donation to various charities and they sent him a card. My other nephew I subscribe for the same magazine every year. He loves it but I always ask if he still reads it. He does. I buy my daughter what she wants or give money so she can order what she wants. I know what my stepdaughters like and know their tastes. I buy them that. I ask my daughter what to buy for my son in law. He’s very humble so of course he’d say nothing so I follow her lead I buy my grandson what I know he likes or what my daughter says she wants him to have I am generous with my gifts so I’d not want to buy anything that’s not of good use for people |
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Travelinglady
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Legendary
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Mid World
Posts: 17,771
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Jan 08, 2024 at 09:44 AM
#6
Trav, in my opinion your son and sister were rude. I understand giving gifts as a way of showing love. I do the same myself.
How about outright asking them what they want? Kind of takes the fun out of gift giving, but would cut down on complaints. |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,225
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Jan 08, 2024 at 12:18 PM
#7
How ungrateful. They sound spoiled. I mean, really, getting angry because they receive gifts?! I wonder if such people even deserve to receive anything, let alone cater to them by asking what they want seeing they can't be gracious when what they receive isn't to their liking. So much for showing gratitude and appreciation..
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