Estranged from Adult Child

DeeeSchmeee68 · Feb 02, 2024 at 07:39 AM

Anyone else going through this?

My daughter has anger issues. Has punched me in the nose before. Says the most dreadful things to me. Added items to our Verizon account and wouldn't pay.

So I forced her off the account.
After I had just allowed her to stay with me again.

Her birthday is February 8 and she won't respond to my texts. Told my son she hates me because I'm so controlling.

I'm trying not to breakdown

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eskielover · Feb 02, 2024 at 07:20 PM

My opinion.....but if I am standing up for what I know is right & someone forces me to tough love them with their behavior, I really don't care if a spoiled brat hates me or not whether they are family of not. I just back awsy from them & let them do their thing. If they ever come around & realize what they are doing or have done, GREAT. If not, no big loss whether family of not. I don't have to tolerate bad behavior no matter who the person is

divine1966 · Feb 02, 2024 at 09:56 PM

I am very sorry.

I’d say her not replying to your texts or when is her birthday is the least of your problems if punching people in the face is a normal thing for her. Keep your distance and hopefully she’ll come to her senses. You can’t change people.

DeeeSchmeee68 · Feb 02, 2024 at 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

My opinion.....but if I am standing up for what I know is right & someone forces me to tough love them with their behavior, I really don't care if a spoiled brat hates me or not whether they are family of not. I just back awsy from them & let them do their thing. If they ever come around & realize what they are doing or have done, GREAT. If not, no big loss whether family of not. I don't have to tolerate bad behavior no matter who the person is

I value that input for sure. I am struggling because it's my child. Also I'm fighting the depression it's causing.

I'm going to keep re-reading what you wrote though.

I guess I don't respect myself

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DeeeSchmeee68 · Feb 02, 2024 at 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am very sorry.

I’d say her not replying to your texts or when is her birthday is the least of your problems if punching people in the face is a normal thing for her. Keep your distance and hopefully she’ll come to her senses. You can’t change people.

I'm trying to stay strong. So much familial abuse and dysfunction.

It makes me very sad

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divine1966 · Feb 02, 2024 at 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeeSchmeee68

I'm trying to stay strong. So much familial abuse and dysfunction.

It makes me very sad

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It is indeed very sad.

Open Eyes · Feb 02, 2024 at 11:58 PM

How old is she?

DeeeSchmeee68 · Feb 03, 2024 at 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

How old is she?

She will be 22

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TishaBuv · Feb 03, 2024 at 09:54 AM

Done With The Crying - Parents of Estranged Adult Children: Help and Healing.

I recommend reading this book to help you cope and decide how to move forward.

I read it a few years ago, during a situation with my son. I am relieved we have since repaired the issue. But, your situation sounds different in that it has been dysfunctional for a long time. My heart goes out to you and all parents who have had to cope with this.

DeeeSchmeee68 · Feb 03, 2024 at 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Done With The Crying - Parents of Estranged Adult Children: Help and Healing.

I recommend reading this book to help you cope and decide how to move forward.

I read it a few years ago, during a situation with my son. I am relieved we have since repaired the issue. But, your situation sounds different in that it has been dysfunctional for a long time. My heart goes out to you and all parents who have had to cope with this.

I appreciate that. I had found that online as well
Thank you

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AvidReader · Mar 22, 2024 at 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeeSchmeee68

I value that input for sure. I am struggling because it's my child. Also I'm fighting the depression it's causing.

I am so very sorry to hear this, and I'm sending you lots of hugs.

I am in a rather similar situation—my 22-year-old son has not spoken to me in nearly 5 years—and may post about it soon.

But I did want to send my sympathy and compassion to you.

DeeeSchmeee68 · Mar 23, 2024 at 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AvidReader

I am so very sorry to hear this, and I'm sending you lots of hugs.

I am in a rather similar situation—my 22-year-old son has not spoken to me in nearly 5 years—and may post about it soon.

But I did want to send my sympathy and compassion to you.

I appreciate you reaching out

It does help to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this 🩵

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Revenge Tour · Mar 23, 2024 at 07:26 AM

I am in a somewhat-similar situation. You are not alone. I promise.

My son (23) and my family had a volatile relationship growing up. I kicked him out and he's on his own now. We talk occasionally and are civil but the damage has been done. It's sad.

TishaBuv · Mar 23, 2024 at 03:04 PM

And I spoke too soon. There is still friction with my son and DIL. I knew it was inevitable, but was hoping things would be better due to my efforts.

This category of dysfunctional relationship with a child is the most difficult one for me!

DeeeSchmeee68 · Mar 23, 2024 at 03:26 PM

Estrangement from my child is exceptionally difficult for me as I'm adopted. I suffer abandonment issues and my adopted family was awful.

I tried so hard to be a different type of mother and ended up with loose boundaries and passive parenting.

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TishaBuv · Mar 25, 2024 at 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeeSchmeee68

Estrangement from my child is exceptionally difficult for me as I'm adopted. I suffer abandonment issues and my adopted family was awful.

I tried so hard to be a different type of mother and ended up with loose boundaries and passive parenting.

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I think my parenting style may have been too passive, too. My mother was very controlling and mean, so I went out of my way to treat my kids really kindly.

But, let’s not put too much blame onto ourselves. There may be other factors here, like the role society played.

DeeeSchmeee68 · Mar 25, 2024 at 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I think my parenting style may have been too passive, too. My mother was very controlling and mean, so I went out of my way to treat my kids really kindly.

But, let’s not put too much blame onto ourselves. There may be other factors here, like the role society played.

Yes, and their idiot father's!

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,891 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,295 hugs given	Feb 02, 2024 at 09:56 PM #3 I am very sorry. I’d say her not replying to your texts or when is her birthday is the least of your problems if punching people in the face is a normal thing for her. Keep your distance and hopefully she’ll come to her senses. You can’t change people.
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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,251 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.5k hugs given	Feb 02, 2024 at 11:58 PM #7 How old is she?
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Revenge Tour Member Member Since Apr 2023 Location: Michigan Posts: 366 1 106 hugs given	Mar 23, 2024 at 07:26 AM #13 I am in a somewhat-similar situation. You are not alone. I promise. My son (23) and my family had a volatile relationship growing up. I kicked him out and he's on his own now. We talk occasionally and are civil but the damage has been done. It's sad.
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TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,258 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,879 hugs given	Mar 23, 2024 at 03:04 PM #14 And I spoke too soon. There is still friction with my son and DIL. I knew it was inevitable, but was hoping things would be better due to my efforts. This category of dysfunctional relationship with a child is the most difficult one for me! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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DeeeSchmeee68 Member Member Since Dec 2022 Location: New York State Posts: 325 1 15 hugs given	Mar 23, 2024 at 03:26 PM #15 Estrangement from my child is exceptionally difficult for me as I'm adopted. I suffer abandonment issues and my adopted family was awful. I tried so hard to be a different type of mother and ended up with loose boundaries and passive parenting. Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk
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