I cuddled with a guy I knew only for two weeks

I used cuddling at the start because this encounter happened much later.
That is true, it was more intense.

Yes, I agree. I don't feel like hitting myself anymore. The only struggle is while sleeping, I feel vulnerable, I jolt suddenly, today I gagged/cringed when I remembered what I did, or I feel numb after waking up, thinking how I just didn't think. Therapist told me to expect a few more days of disturbed sleep, till it tapers. She said it is the reality of being human, to make mistakes and feel this way. I agree with you. I will take the time to think about those feelings and face it. I did not have unprotected sex, yet it was an intimate encounter, I won't deny it.

This is a really, seriously bad idea. You are being a perfectionist and are setting yourself up for failure, disappointment in self, etc. I am still not clear why you feel that you disgraced your body, but maybe this is part of the framework of your broader religious beliefs. Even if this is so, promising something unrealistic to yourself will backfire, and possibly very soon.

Again, what happened was normal.

You experienced physical passion with someone.

Not someone you want to marry. That is STILL normal.

You did OK.

You held back and stopped and showed restraint.

Honestly, quit hating yourself.

I hope you find a long term partner that rocks your world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam This is a really, seriously bad idea. You are being a perfectionist and are setting yourself up for failure, disappointment in self, etc. I am still not clear why you feel that you disgraced your body, but maybe this is part of the framework of your broader religious beliefs. Even if this is so, promising something unrealistic to yourself will backfire, and possibly very soon.

Hate to disagree but telling someone they are wrong for clearly having religious based moral values they strive to keep is unrealistic....is just wrong. Some of us do keep those values in spite of societies invalidation of them.

I agree with @RDMercer in that the feelings are normal but holding onto restraint is admirable & an important trait needed to hold onto those values which should NOT be discredited by anyone just because they are faith/religious based

Please reread my post: "I am still not clear why you feel that you disgraced your body, but maybe this is part of the framework of your broader religious beliefs. Even if this is so, promising something unrealistic to yourself will backfire, and possibly very soon."

I made enough of a nod to the validity of OP's religious beliefs and commented that even within their framework, OP is setting herself up for failure and disappointment by making unrealistic and perfectionist promises to herself.

I'm not as smart as some of the responses here are very good. I had strict Christian beliefs as a young woman growing up with strict Christian parents. I also cuddled kissed etc, and did feel some shame in it. It was a long time ago. I do feel that repressing a desire to kiss, cuddle, be affectionate with someone when you want to isn't a good idea or healthy.

If you @stargalaxy feel it makes you shamed, then there is truth in how you feel. If you want to set boundaries for yourself, as in, if you feel that kissing, cuddling, and more that happened is making you feel worse inside I encourage you to find another therapist. I don't think you have one that is understanding enough. I haven't read the Holy Bible from front to back, but I don't see anywhere that having affection is wrong.... it is ok to want and need that, we are human. God wont be 'punishing' you for this, it is your own mind that is creating this somewhat 'hate' towards yourself. Only having intercourse before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. Even that, I believe can be forgiven. God knows we are human and have temptations. Pray about it, and trust your own feelings. But don't repress the feelings you have. Make sure you know what you want. If this person doesn't agree with your own beliefs, you might want to not continue seeing him. If you feel good, think about what you'd like to have the outcome be. Jesus came from the lineage of King David, who had many wives. I'd encourage you to see that even Kings did things that we'd wonder how it could be have been right in the eyes of God.

It is a fine line to walk. I don't know how to put this, I don't want to trigger you. I was raped. Men can become aggressive, you don't want that to happen. Protect yourself, ask God to reveal to you what he wants you to do, but also realize you've done nothing wrong.. that is my opinion of what i've read here. I wish you the best. If you are very young, realize that you have the right to choose who you want to be, who you want to be with, and what goals you have are yours alone, with the help of God's guidance. I'm sure not great with doing everything right, i'm old and get tempted too, because we are created this way. We all have a desire to have another human to hold and touch, a partner in life. I wish you all the best.

"f you @stargalaxy feel it makes you shamed, then there is truth in how you feel. If you want to set boundaries for yourself, as in, if you feel that kissing, cuddling, and more that happened is making you feel worse inside I encourage you to find another therapist. I don't think you have one that is understanding enough. I haven't read the Holy Bible from front to back, but I don't see anywhere that having affection is wrong.... it is ok to want and need that, we are human. God wont be 'punishing' you for this, it is your own mind that is creating this somewhat 'hate' towards yourself. Only having intercourse before marriage is wrong in God's eyes. Even that, I believe can be forgiven. God knows we are human and have temptations. Pray about it, and trust your own feelings. But don't repress the feelings you have. Make sure you know what you want. If this person doesn't agree with your own beliefs, you might want to not continue seeing him. If you feel good, think about what you'd like to have the outcome be. Jesus came from the lineage of King David, who had many wives. I'd encourage you to see that even Kings did things that we'd wonder how it could be have been right in the eyes of God."

I grew up in a strict Christian household and community.

This is the only sin that was focused on!

If you shift your belief to that of a loving God, not a vengeful God, you will start to love yourself more too.

Truly, I feel that focusing on something this small as a means to instill guilt is wrong. The scope, depth, and pervasiveness of evil in the world, the degree of greed, pain, hatred, lust, righteousness.... It is just mind boggling..... But we believe that God can forgive all, and that anyone has a path to salvation.

Well...... Then cut yourself some slack girl!!!

You're a healthy young person and you experienced physical attraction to someone and acted on it some! That's not a big deal!

RDMercer