He says he loves me but if unsure wether we should be together

My boyfriend and me have been living together for 3 years. We've had a rough time lately due to bad miscommunication and not listening to each others needs and being stubborn and arguing. I love him so much and I think he makes my life better but he recently took some of his stuff and left to go to his sisters. He's been gone for a week and keeps giving me mixed signals he's saying we shouldn't be together as of right now because he doesn't want to jump back in without knowing something has changed but he wants to work on it. He texts me sometimes but mostly ignores me and he's saying he needs time to think and work on himself. I told him he needs to communicate with me as I don't want to stay in our apartment and I can't afford it by myself if we aren't together but he told me to stay and he'll contribute for now but he's not coming back to live here yet. When I try to communicate with me he says he can't talk about his feelings right now as he's confused. He visited me once last week and spent the night here, he kissed me and hugged me and I loved it but I'm just sat here thinking what if he's just trying to wean off me. Either way I think the way he's handling things is really selfish as it's hurting me, giving me hope to hold onto him and I would have to start looking for a new place to live if he's leaving. All he says is soon he'll give me answers.

Hmmm..... relationships are a two-way street. You're focused on how he feels, but how do YOU feel about the arguments and recent issues between you? What are the arguments about? Are they bad arguments? Maybe it's a good idea to take some time out for yourself as well and to consider the relationship more objectively. You have say in this relationship as well... it can't all be up to him to decide. You have a voice too.

Start looking for a new place to live. You are not here to dance to his tune.

You are right in that he is behaving *very* selfishly. He is not considering you nor your feelings as his partner and he is not communicating. It is all on his terms. Is this how the relationship will proceed from now on: he leaves when he can't hack it, comes back when he can, rinse and repeat? This is not acceptable.

So look out for yourself and don't let his dictate conditions for this relationship, where *he* decides what is best for the relationship.

Totally agree with @Rive. You need to go find a place for yourself that you can afford on your own. I learned years ago to never live for what might be or what we wish for. Live for what is at the time. If things work out, great.....but usually when relationships have gotten to this point there is usually a big reason they have. Sounds like both of you have grown to be incompatible with each other & love is irrelivant at that point because the underlying issues are bigger than any love that might exist.

You say that he makes your life better but I am thinking he sure must not feel the same. I left my now ex several times before I finally had all I could take of the relationship. I am sure he didn't feel that way. I should have called it quits long before I finally did because those years were miserable with all the fighting & arguments.

Take care of yourself & if anything does work out, your independence may be respected more.

This is a hard situation to be in. It sounds to me like he wants out of this relationship, but can't find a way to leave gracefully . . . because there is no graceful way to stop loving someone.

I'm suspicious of people who decide they need to get away from their significant other, in order to work on the relationship. He says he needs a commitment from you to change before he can come back. You are who you are. Even if he came back, won't you be wondering how soon before he will go to his sister's again. I would find it hard to trust a man who seems to act like he doesn't really need you.

Try not reaching out to him. Leave the ball in his court, and see what he does. Give him A chance to miss hearing from you.

His "sister"? I gotta say, i doubt that very much.

He’s not staying with his sister.

You don’t need his answer. You can give him your answer: that this isn’t a relationship for you. Bye.

No one leaves relationships in order to work on relationships. Please don’t buy it. People who say this nonsense don’t really want to be with you but don’t want confrontation so they tell you stories.

Be done. Don’t put up with this. And if you really believe he left you to go to his sister to work on your relationship, go knock on her door, see if he’s there. He is not

It’s sad how much women are willing to put up with. You don’t need this bozo

I am wondering if he is actually with someone else and is keeping you hanging on if that doesn’t work out.

How are you doing, Chick? Is he still at the sister's?

Try to keep your chin up. A man who doesn't cherish you doesn't deserve you. There's no real happiness being with someone who has one foot in the relationship and one foot out.

I spent a few years in such a relationship. I wanted more commitment from him and didn't get it. Finally, I took a job offer in another state and moved. A year later he called, offering marriage. Turned out that he missed me way more than he expected he would. Too late. I had found someone new and no longer missed him. Life will offer you other chances.