20 year marriage

I've been with my wife now for 20 years. She has been traveling for 15 of them, at least 2 to 3 times a month. I have always felt like she was up to something extramarital. She has always replied with I'm not cheating, it's all in your head, you're crazy....etc. This has been going on throughout the last 4 to 5 years. Up until recently, I couldn't prove anything I was feeling to be true. I found some text messages between her and her boss on our IPad. They were pretty clear to me, but could have possibly been read and interpreted another way. When I confronted her with them her response was we were just joking....
I knew that wasn't the truth in my gut at the time.

Since then I have overheard some conversations between her and her boss that had nothing to do with work. They were more like something that you would say to somone you were dating. I started paying more attention after that. Very close attention to everything. I finally got her to admit that there was something going on between them. She swears to my face that she has ended all communications with him. I have heard her still talking to him and making plans along with other crap. I am having a real hard time believing anything that she says now because after all that I have heard them saying to one another

We've started couples counseling and she is using the counselor to make what she admitted to doing is somehow my fault. I made her do what she did with her boss. I know that sometimes well more than sometimes I can be a prick. However, I never cheated on her. I never did anything the could have justified any action like this.

I still love her but I don't think that a will ever be able to trust her again. Has anyone else going through this type of situation before? If so any advise would be helpful. Thanks

Try to make the counseling work. I hope it goes well for you

Sounds like you both have issues that are pushing each other away that good marriage counseling may help if both are open to the necessary changes that are needed.

She has to take FULL responsibility for her affair, be remorseful for it, sincerely apologize, admit that it's NOT YOUR FAULT, cease all communications and contact with him, and work on saving your marriage in order for anything to turn around. Even then, it may STILL be hard for you to trust her ever again. Once broken, it takes time, healing, work and effort to mend the broken trust and to rebuild trust. You will likely feel very mistrustful of her for a while before trust can be regained. But the first step is her taking full responsibility for HER decision and HER actions. In no way are YOU responsible for HER choice to cheat and have an affair, even if you are an a-hole sometimes. The only way to get past is is to get through it. My husband cheated, I never got past it, we did go to counseling, but he didn't help to rebuild the trust. We divorced for many reasons other than his cheating, but in my experience, it's very difficult to overcome.

I am sorry, but I am not following the story. How can a direct report end all her communications with her own boss? Has she quit her job? Requested a transfer to another department/team?