Changing my responses

Hi,

I was in a long term marriage to someone that I now know was a covert narcissist.

This isn't a pop-psych buzz word thing. After we separated, my long term therapist said, "I couldn't diagnose her as she's not my client, but you have been for six years. It's time we begin treating you for long term narcissistic and borderline abuse."

So. That leaves its mark.

Also, looking back, I can say that I have been invalidated and provoked in my birth family in significant ways over the years. Once I get overwhelmed, word is out; "RD is impossible, he's just so angry, you never know what is going to set him off, etc."

I still have to interact with my birth family. I'm tired of being provoked until I act out of character. The thing is, once I do that, and THAT is invalidated, I tend to double down and say it harder.

You can only say, "I'M NOT CRAZY AND I'M NOT ANGRY" a couple of times before you look totally, totally crazy and angry.

I have to work on not being provoked, and not reacting when I'm not validated on something.

There is something going on right now.... My father said something about me that is totally out of line..... Like.... Where you go, "Seriously? WTH?"

But such a thing could affect me in ongoing court issues for custody of my kids.

So... I react out of fear and anger. Tell him he nuts, he's gone too far, etc., and he goes, "See? This is the kind of abuse we get from you."

I'm open to anyone who wants to offer some suggestions or insight.

Thanks,

RDMercer