Update - Moving On. New Phone Number. New Life (PIcs Inside)

eskielover · Apr 05, 2024 at 06:14 AM

Negotiations takes 2 people & when the other side is not open to negotiation & their part of change.....THERE CAN BE NO NEGOTIATION.

That is not someone just saying they will change, it is seeing REAL action. We try but when the trying fails over & over & they are destroying our life.....then there is NO relationship left to negotiate for.

When I left my now ex, there was no love for him. I care that he is ok but I am not going to fix consequences to his actions that don't mess up my own life & I am still dealing with that 17 years later. I only negotiate conflicts when the relationship really matters to me but most times I walk away or keep them at a distance until it just fades awsy cause the aggrevation of dealing with them is more than I care to deal with.

My recovery has been about finally having a peacful life after 54 years of not, between parents & marriage so if negotiating conflict still includes some level of non-peaceful feeling then it is too high of a cost for me. There will always be issues in life that come & go. That is just normal life, just not interested in any relationship that has a continual level of issues involved. At my point in life, my drama king aussie shepherd 10mo puppy & my drama queen black lab are my limit on drama

TheGal · Apr 05, 2024 at 02:59 PM

I just came across this quote and wanted to share:

O God, help me to believe the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is!

— Macrina Wiederkehr, A Grateful Heart

Tart Cherry Jam · Apr 05, 2024 at 03:15 PM

You are gorgeous with so much vitality and sparkle (and the shimmering makeup is becoming to you). I also pictured you fat and out of shape based on your posts. Not so!

LadyShadow · Apr 08, 2024 at 08:17 PM

Thank you so much for your insights, @eskielover - you always bring a unique perspective that I really appreciate.

That's such a beautiful quote, @TheGal !

I appreciate the compliment so much @Tart Cherry Jam - I'm glad you're back, I've missed you : )

So, I haven't posted back on this thread because I backtracked. I ended up reaching out to my husband on a Google Voice number on Friday because I really needed a reassuring voice, after such a hard day at work. I needed advice that only he was good at giving me, (or I am fooling myself to believe), because I almost quit, that's how bad it was.

This whole situation has forced me to re-evaluate things, because I am right back to where I started. I wanted to move on so badly, but I was so miserable at the same time. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke or vape, I don't drink coffee, I don't even eat sweets - but him that's my addiction, which I have to really face. But I wanted to share today's reading, which really pertains to me today because the one thing I haven't done is beat myself up because I contacted him. This has been my focus:

On April 8th, the Language of Letting Go offers a powerful reminder about self-care:

“I don’t precisely know what you need to do to take care of yourself. But I know you can figure it out. Rest when you’re tired. Take a drink of cold water when you’re thirsty. Call a friend when you’re lonely. Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.”

This gentle encouragement reminds us that nurturing ourselves is essential. Sometimes, we forget to prioritize our well-being amidst life’s demands. Here are a few self-care practices to consider:

Rest: When fatigue sets in, honor your body’s need for rest. It’s okay to pause and recharge.

Hydrate: A simple drink of cold water can refresh both body and spirit.

Connect: Reach out to a friend when loneliness creeps in. Human connections are vital.

Seek Divine Guidance: When overwhelmed, turn to a higher power for strength and clarity.

Remember, well-cared-for souls radiate light and become a delight to the Universe. Today, let’s practice loving self-care. 🌟

LadyShadow · Apr 12, 2024 at 11:19 PM

Acceptance is the key to this whole thing. My husband showed up at his mom's house around 11:45pm Thursday night after being missing for 4 days. I am at the point where I am the point of acceptance. And the most important thing is that I find enjoyment out of life again.

In the Language of Letting Go for today April 13th is:

On this April 13th, we explore the theme of enjoyment. 🌟

One of the prohibitions many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule: don’t have fun and enjoy life. This rule creates martyrs—people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of day-to-day living.

Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. Now, we associate it with codependency. We can go through the day making ourselves feel anxious, guilty, miserable, and deprived. Or we can allow ourselves to go through that same day feeling good. In recovery, we eventually learn the choice is ours.

There is much to be enjoyed each day, and it is okay to feel good. We can let ourselves enjoy our tasks. We can learn to relax without guilt. We can even learn to have fun. Work at learning to have fun. Apply yourself with dedication to learning enjoyment. Work as hard at learning to have fun as you did at feeling miserable. Our work will pay off. Fun will become fun. Life will become worth living. And each day, we’ll find many pleasures to be enjoyed.

Today, I will let myself enjoy life as I go through my day. 🌞

unaluna · Apr 13, 2024 at 12:18 AM

thanks lady!

unaluna · Apr 13, 2024 at 10:17 AM

LadyShadow, this really spoke to me today. I found the beatty book on kindle. Thanks again!

LadyShadow · Apr 13, 2024 at 07:28 PM

Hey there @unaluna ! I am so glad you found the book! I have been looking at it a while now, taking little bits and pieces each day.

I am backtracking today, I was listening to "Green Eyes" by Coldplay - it was a song my husband used to sing to me, and I started bawling. Now that he is gone, I am missing him so much, and I just think of myself as such as masochist, beating myself with the stick and causing self-inflicting wounds. What is my obsession? Do I need his love that badly?

Then I read today's lesson from the Language of Letting Go and it all makes sense. Why don't I let myself feel enjoyment?

Excerpt from “The Language of Letting Go” (April 13 - Enjoyment):

One of the prohibitions many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule: don’t have fun and enjoy life. This rule creates martyrs - people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of day-to-day living. Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. Now, we associate it with codependency. We can go through the day making ourselves feel anxious, guilty, miserable, and deprived. Or we can allow ourselves to go through that same day feeling good. In recovery, we eventually learn the choice is ours. There is much to be enjoyed each day, and it is okay to feel good. We can let ourselves enjoy our tasks. We can learn to relax without guilt. We can even learn to have fun. Work at learning to have fun. Apply yourself with dedication to learning enjoyment. Work as hard at learning to have fun as you did at feeling miserable. Our work will pay off. Fun will become fun. Life will become worth living. And each day, we’ll find many pleasures to be enjoyed.

LadyShadow · Apr 14, 2024 at 02:56 PM

Today is a hard day, but I wanted to share today's excerpt from Language of Letting Go - April 14th.

Knowing that no one is perfect, neither me or my husband, and I can't expect the "perfect" relationship.

Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues. Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth. People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior. We can let go of both ideas. We do not need to go to the other extreme; tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they’re doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we’ll discover the beauty in ourselves. Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am.”

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TheGal Poohbah Member Since Aug 2022 Location: The House Posts: 1,024 1 669 hugs given	Apr 05, 2024 at 02:59 PM #22 I just came across this quote and wanted to share: O God, help me to believe the truth about myself no matter how beautiful it is! — Macrina Wiederkehr, A Grateful Heart
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,905 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.5k hugs given	Apr 13, 2024 at 12:18 AM #26 thanks lady!
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unaluna Elder Harridan x-hankster Member Since Jun 2011 Location: Milan/Michigan Posts: 39,905 (SuperPoster!) 12 66.5k hugs given	Apr 13, 2024 at 10:17 AM #27 LadyShadow, this really spoke to me today. I found the beatty book on kindle. Thanks again!
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