My son was verbally abusive

Six days ago, my younger son and I were talking about the Moon Train (Google it), and the oldest one came in and started talking about how the moon landing was a hoax.
Things escalated quickly. He was swearing at me F THIS F THAT F YOU ( politics) yelling, both boys are yelling at me now, and my 4 year old grandson says Grandma, I don't want you to leave! So I picked him up and said, "I love you!"
My son yells LOOK WHAT YOU F*****G MADE ME DO IN FRONT OF MY KID!!!!
So I said, "Fine, I won't come over anymore!!!"

I almost feel like he was on drugs. Other than weed.

Now he's trying to act like nothing happened. Sending memes on FB.
I'm not responding. This isn't the first time he's done this, but it's the worst yet.

My 22 year old daughter won't speak to me either (for a different reason), and the middle son hasn't reached out.

I really don't like any of them right now.

I don't know how long I'll go without speaking to my son's. My daughter won't budge.
She said;
There's a lot to forgive and move past and I'm very busy."
I forced her off my phone plan due to over spending.

Wtf.....

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Leave them alone. Its not worth it. Let them come to you. If they dont just stay away

I agree, give them space and spend some nice time with yourself.

And you didn't make him do anything in front of his kid. He chose to make that reaction all on his own.

My son was verbally abusive (for years) to my wife and daughter and myself. I kicked him out at 18. Zero regrets.

Thank you everyone for responding

It's difficult because I live alone and don't make enough money to do things I would like to. Then I sit around and ruminate.... I'm trying to go for more walks

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There are resources for free or cheap fun stuff to do. Do you need pointers? how from from the New York City do you live?

I'm in Buffalo so pretty far

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I guess I'm coming to terms with the results of me being a mentally ill mother. I have a disorganized Fearful attachment style (also MDD c-PTSD and dissociation)and spent a lot of my time in bed depressed. This had to affect them, and now I'm seeing the results.

Not that I am solely responsible. They had asshole fathers, too.
I just wasn't a strong, solid mother with good principles. I let so much slide. And when each of their fathers did things to hurt me, I just became frozen in shock. I didn't do anything to remedy the awful things that their fathers did. And for that, I am upset with myself.

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We can’t change the past but we can control our reactions to what’s happening now. I don’t think it’s acceptable for you to be verbally abused and hope you will be communicating that to your son.

Thank you
He did text to apologize. I'm still hesitant to spend time together though

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I may still send this to my son's. The middle one told me I always start ****.

"In my opinion, a big part of our problem is that we don't understand each other. There is too much defensive attitude and no empathy, respect or love. Disagreements are a normal part of conversation. Being unable to hear an opinion different than yours shouldn't bring so much hostility, especially when it's a family member. It's important to hear the others point of view. Swearing, name calling, and verbal attacks are unacceptable."

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In addition, my younger son takes a variety of drugs including ketamine. The older smokes weed but used to drink and use heavier substances

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