Text Messaging

I'm curious to get people's opinions on the following. I sit at a computer all day and have a cell phone. I'm a big communications guy.

I text people and they have issues getting back to me. Recently my cousin contacted me and he since has deleted the app he used, and didn't think about our recent conversation where he reached out due to some stress in his life. My best bud has severe issues with scheduling and texting back. I've asked him why and he just jokes about all that, and says I'm the only one he has this issue with, so it's my creation somehow. However I've sat amongst other friends and they've also complained about this behaviour. As odd and hilarious I find this, it's hugely annoying.

Am I out of line to expect people to respond to communications, not only at all, but in a reasonable amount of time? I find this exceptionally rude that people don't reply, as if they're invisible.

Cheers

So texts have become like a ringing telephone - one doesnt have to answer.

I think the issue is that, texts are for communication between people who are in each other's personal space, albeit temporarily distanced. Psychologically they share space and the technology makes it practicable. Just because you use the technology, doesnt mean you have really been welcomed into that space.

So maybe you need to figure out why closeness is lacking in these relationships? Is that what you are asking?

It depends. Are you very close with these people?

There might be many reasons for not replying. Most people don’t text at work so after work they only have a few hours to take care of their household and children and heck they might be exhausted. If in addition they have 20 texts to reply, they’ll prioritize. If it’s not an emergency, they might forget to reply or run out of time. It also depends what you send. Is it something urgent? Essential? Most people are very busy

Hypothetically speaking not replying to texts is not polite. But you have to be realistic. For example… If you have an infant and a toddler and an elderly father to take care of, there’s no time for random texts.

Yes. One is my cousin and the other my best friend for 35 years. We were close before texting was around.

My best friend, over the weekend, found out his old aunt died. He usually doesn't text me on weekends but texted me to tell me. He felt guilty as he didn't respond to years of birthday letters and well wishes over the years. I asked him why he didn't tell her he appreciated the efforts and he said "life, busy, all that." I can attest he had plenty of time. He's not that busy and wastes a lot of time doing childish things.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect replies but it’s reality that some people won’t. Either busy or not organised. I guess all we can do is accept that.

Your conversation with your friend was very telling, he regrets not communicating with his aunt who is now gone and it’s too late to make amends. It’s up to him what he learns from this experience and how he takes it forward.

Not responding to aunt and her birthday wishes is quite bizarre and uncaring

I was hoping that this episode with him might have him change his ways, but he's up to his usual stuff today again.

I mostly text with people & I like it best because I don't have the time to talk & most times I am busy but can glance & check if a quick reply is possible or not. I usually reply when I have time.

That way when I do get a call from a friend I know it is important

All my friends are pretty much gone. I work for myself and it's a rare occasion I meet up with old friends. My best friend has little time, for me anyways.

I am just the opposite of what many are answering, I will text if it is information such as a person would need for directions, maybe a recipe things like that. I am not being crude here, it is just

what I think, I call smart phones dumb phones. Nothing aggravates me much more than to he holding a conversation with someone. When they are either busy texting away, or having to look

up information to understand what you mean. For most of my college career, there were these strange mystical buildings called libraries where one could read books, and assimilate vast

amounts of information. If I am using a cellphone, I have large hands and I fumble around more than I text. Plus I prefer to speak with whom I am talking to. I suppose it as all a matter of

personal taste. This is a true story, I used to teach summer classes at the local state colleges because I enjoyed teaching. I was standing in front of the science building waiting for a break in

traffic and a student came walking along texting away, not paying a bit of attention where they were going. They were going onto the road into the path of a car. Thankfully, I was able to get to

them and pull them back on the sidewalk to safety. Plus people try to text when they are driving, in 2022 3,308 people were killed as they were distracted with cell phones. The devices can be

handy, but you can talk on the as well, and a car bluetooth system is much safer than texting and driving.

Too busy to respond is such a poor excuse to justify not responding. If it is a pattern, then it is just plain rude. It's not like composing an essay, just a few words taking a few seconds to type (or speak).

It is just prude. Period.

This is an interesting thread. I completely get what Phil is saying, but at the same time I personally do not feel obliged to reply just because someone has texted me. Its the same for email and other channels too. There is nothing special about text. I used to get more than 50 emails a day in the job I was in. At first I would waste a huge amount of time responding to each of them. What I learned over time was so many of them became irrelevant after a couple of days (ie I could have spent time replying/doing something but after a few of days the situation resolved itself and I didn't need to do anything).

In my personal life its the same. I have learned that I do not have to be at the beck and call of my phone. If I am doing something else (even if its not important) I don't have to stop and get my phone every time a message comes in. And when I look at it later I will make a call as to whether I respond or not (usually I do).

Ultimately I can understand why people may think this is rude, but that's to do with their expectations, its not actually my responsibility to meet their expectations. Communication is so easy today that a message can be fired off in seconds with no thought about whether it is important, whether the receiver should spend time on it, whether a reply is necessary. If I had a promise from someone that they would only message if it was important, then I could commit to always replying promptly. Without that I will set my own priorities and boundaries.

I’m deaf so texting was a godsend. Texting and email is how I communicate. But I don’t worry about certain people not responding because that’s them. Fortunately most of the people I communicate with are good at getting back to me. I always respond to others though even if it’s just a thumb up to let them know I got their text. I’m more formal with email and let them know I can’t respond at the moment. My daughter is often busy and responds late but I know that about her so I don’t expect a fast response from her.

As I don’t do social media most people respond to me pretty quickly. Nope not even Facebook. Tho I am weakening and considering it as all my cousins are on it and we are scattered.

Yes, my 'friend' is now not talking to me. Great friend. I do expect answers from a friend. I've given him attention and time over the years, but he rarely shows up for me. I guess that's a 'me' problem.

He doesn't answer his phone either. He's an odd guy.

Did he tell you he wasn’t speaking to you or has he just gone quiet?

Despite my reservations about the overuse of cell phones and text communication, I still believe in the power of good manners. So, when a friend or doctor sends me a text, I make it a point to

respond promptly. As I see it. Miss Manners would be all discombobulated by people not doing so. Must be respectful to Miss Manners. I know better because mum used to ring that bell for

me if I did not use proper manners. She never hurt me. It was fine, but yes, they should be respectful; it is a decent way to be.

He doesn't like it when I send him videos. Ironically, I stopped and he sent me one the last day I heard from him. I asked him why he sent it and I sent him one that was completely irrelevant, just to poke at him. He blocked me. Haven't heard from him since.

Oh I see. If he blocked you he sounds very immature.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated Oh I see. If he blocked you he sounds very immature.

Hmmmm, I block people who are immature & who I don't want to deal with then they don't take the hint of not being responded to. Some people can be annoying & they just don't get it other than being blocked

I always thought of texting as a way of saying some non-urgent thing without the expectation of an immediate reply. If it's an emergency obviously it's a phone call, or if it's something like "hey, can you pick up some peanut butter on your way home?" it is also a phone call because with a lot of people, they may not see the text before they leave and some of them are even smart enough to not read their phone while driving. They can hear the phone ring, and they have the choice to either answer if it's a convenient time or at least listen to a message when they can--which is more likely than a text because a phone call just has a more time-sensitive aspect to it than a text.

Personally, half the time I don't even respond to texts because there is nothing to say in response. I don't want to be that person that just constantly says "ok" after every single text. I usually reserve that for when I'm having an argument and come to a point I see we just won't see eye to eye on it.