Why is my oneitis stalking me?

Hi. Im a 23 year old classic shy/sensitive nerd and theres this girl in my college who Im having a very intense oneitis with. (In my mind)

Im not sure why but one of my fellow college students seems to be radiating intense sweetness, she appears to be very openminded and bright. Shes a female nerd, a relatively rare type. I barely have balls to even look at her, let alone have a long conversation as I consider myself to be too ugly/too unworthy.

Yet it appears that shes stalking me. I have a parttime job at a local small company and she has applied for a job there as well. She saw me exit a gym once and the next week she joined the gym. I see her way too often on the street where I live where she likes to 'walk'. Back in college she very often takes her seat near me and opens a conversation. What should I do with her? I cant believe she could be interested in me, I think shes a prank looking for validation. I know that oneitis almost always gets rejected and I think all she wants is validation.

Whenever I meet her with her friends (she has a flock of sattelite males around her, all waiting for their "chance") they laugh at me behibd my back.

On another hand, I really enjoy having this highly iltelligent girl's attention and her 'chasing' me, so if I do ask her out and get rejected then I will lose her and all the energy I have been getting from her persuit.

What to do?

What’s oneitis never hear of it

What to do?

Work on yourself and on your self-esteem first before embarking on any relationship.

Oneitis is an unrealistic romantic obsession with another person. It's a slang term that describes a sort of psychological condition (hence the “itis”) where a person decides that their romantic interest is “the one,” despite a lack of evidence or any meaningful relationship.Nov 27, 2023
wikiHow: How-to instructions you can trust. › Oneitis
What Is Oneitis? (And Do You Have It?) - wikiHow

It makes me feel totally amazing that shes chasing me. But I cant understand 'why' and I wouldbt want to lose this totally amazing stimulus

thanks I know I could look it up but I assumed OP made up a word or something.

I don’t see any evidence of her chasing you.

Gym, work place or walking on the same streets or even starting conversations doesn’t sound like stalking to me. I think sometimes people perceive another person “pursuing” them when he or she is simply being friendly.

If you truly believe she’s pursuing you, why’d she reject you?

I’d let it go and focus on improving my own life

So walking inside the company thats employing me, telling the boss that 'she knows me', telling him that she finds me weird and more isnt 'stalking'?

Two things stand out to me on this:

1. I think shes a prank looking for validation. I know that oneitis almost always gets rejected and I think all she wants is validation.

What does that mean? All I know if the word "prank" is involved, it is very seldom a good thing.

2. Whenever I meet her with her friends (she has a flock of sattelite males around her, all waiting for their "chance") they laugh at me behibd my back.

How do you know this? If you're certain that they are in fact laughing at you, that should be all the affirmation one would need to stay the heck away. Otherwise, I think you might be setting yourself up for a ton of drama.

I have no ways to know any of it because you didn’t share it in your original post. I can only go by what you post.

Also my original reply wasn’t just about stalking but also about “pursuing and chasing” you. There’s no evidence of that in your post

There’s a lot of contradictions in your post. You said she’s pursuing and chasing you, which typically means she likes you. Yet she apparently calls you “weird” to your boss? No woman that likes and pursues a man will do such a thing. In addition she laughs at you with her friends, that’s not “pursuing” anyone. I see zero “chasing” here.

You stated she radiates sweetenes yet her behavior is opposite of that.

I am also confused why would you consider asking her out if she’s being outright nasty to you? And you believe she is a stalker? You want to date mean stalkers? Why?

I don’t know if things you describe fall into category of stalking. Stalking is a serious accusations and could be a criminal offense. If that’s what you truly believe though, you could file a police report. Otherwise it’s probably wise to just stay away.

I am also majorly confused here.

You said that her satellite male entourage laughs at you behind your back.

Who told you that they do?

By definition, doing something behind another's back means that that person is unaware of what is being done.

Unless, of course, there is a 3rd party that observes and then reports on what is being done "behind the back".

So I am wondering who reported to you on what that flock of males was doing.

Hey Katrani, I think the others here have asked good questions. They are worth thinking about. Obviously we don't know the real situation but I suspect 90% of what you wrote comes from the path your mind has run down. If I boil it down, there is a girl at your college who may like you, but your self esteem isn't letting you believe that it might be real (which is something to work on, but I know that's hard)

Honestly my advice would be say hi and have light conversations with her if the opportunities arise. Don't be the drowning victim clinging to to the first thing they can grab hold of. Play it cool and enjoy the interactions. If she is interested there will be more opportunities to talk. If she isn't interested you are just a nice guy who talked to her sometimes.

I know its hard when you desperately want someone to be interested in you, especially if you don't think it will ever happen. Do keep talking on here 👍

Good suggestions.

The only thing is that I’d not have light conversations and enjoy interactions with people who went to my boss and told them that I am weird. I’d not try to be friends with such people and stir away as far as possible. That’s just outright nasty behavior. It doesn’t warrant trying to befriend her. It’s rather disturbing

Hi Divine, thanks for that, I do agree. That's not ok.

I get the feeling Katrani is living a lot inside his own thoughts. That can lead to all sorts of behaviors that seem ok to you but to others they aren't.

On that front Katrani, maybe think about why you did that with your boss. If you might like this girl, why did you feel the need to do it? It almost feels punitive, trying to punish her because she might like you? But if you are honest with yourself, only you would know why.

As I said above, I hope you are still here and reading this. You are young and talking stuff like this through is important.

Maybe I didn’t read it right but he said that SHE went to his boss and told him that he’s weird. I don’t think he did that

Oh... darn, sorry yes I misread it. Apologies Katrani. I did read that wrong.