Wanting connection is weakness

There’s this underlying theme in most of my relationships with others (Except with my partner with whom I have a very loving relationship) That wanting to be in touch with others feels like weakness.

I‘m very sure this is an attachment thing, as I grew up in a violent household as a kid, and the situation was quite chaotic, with emotionally unstable parents, moving a lot and living with different people etc.

I remember (Grew up in South Asia) with my relatives there was this attitude of „You shouldn’t need others, you must not want others if you feel lonely“.

If you feel sad or in trouble, try to solve it by yourself.. and so on.

I never had a real friendship, because there was this inability to get close. I fear getting in touch with someone is invasive or just „too much“. So there are no people around to have a talk and stay connected.

I kind of miss the 90s as a kid, and I think I‘m romanticizing those times, because life definitely wasn’t better, but I felt as if I belonged to a community.. as a south Asian „family“ for better or for worse has more priority which can though at times come with a high price.

You can’t always be genuinely open with others about your beliefs.. people will (If you are unlucky and you have people that aren’t necessarily loyal to you) Talk behind your back and then things can get nasty. Individuality isn’t something which is being encouraged in such societies, especially as a female.

Yet here I am, lost many during all these years and I always feel as I‘m just living a meaning less existence.

I know how this sounds, all the blah blah, how bad life is, because it always can be worse and whining about things you can change doesn’t help.

I think I just wanted to get it out of my system.

Does anyone feel this way? No not wanting to be a pity party.. just sad..

Thanks

I enjoy getting together with friends when it works out. Wanting to be in touch with others is a good thing unless it consumes your thinking.

I had a friend who would call if I didn't & would ask if it was something she did & then try to make me feel guilty because I have a busy life & by the time I got done for the day with my farm & animals I really didn't want to talk on the phone for an hour. In her case I think it was a co-dependency issue, not really a weakness but an overall issue she had.

I enjoy connection but on my terms & on my time frame & I do love the peace & quiet of my farm with my fur babies & the wild critters that visit.

I have always been very independent growing up with dysfunctional parents I knew if I had a problem I needed to solve it myself because they were clueless. I was also an only child so I had no one else to talk with. I loved playing with the neighbors but also cherished my quiet times too.

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Yet here I am, lost many during all these years and I always feel as I‘m just living a meaning less existence.

I walked away from my past at 54 years old & really had no friends when I did, & just a 33 year bad marriage. What I have learned is that my existence is not defined by others or even my career but by what I choose to do with my own life & the values I hold strong to

I walked away from my past at 54 years old & really had no friends when I did, & just a 33 year bad marriage. What I have learned is that my existence is not defined by others or even my career but by what I choose to do with my own life & the values I hold strong to

@eskielover glad you walk your path!‘ Thanks for sharing !‘

Best wishes for your future!

I can understand why you feel this way, people sometimes get chewed up when they are younger. It seems like the specter of that is impossible to escape. I say for that, Specter gets 007 (James Bond) as he is quite good at chewing them up. Wanting connection, is human, we all on some level yearn for it. when we have things that come into conflict with that it really causes trouble. I was fortunate as my trauma team managed to get this under control in me. I have some good friends, but I couldn't care less about Mum's family; Dad's is all gone. So me and my friends versus the world, it never had a chance. As far as you can't tell anyone how you actually feel.......HUH!? I most certainly do; again, my trauma team got that sorted.