Don't get my sister: sort of a rant.

So my sister and I have never really gotten along. But after my parents passed she said all the time that I was wanted and needed in her life. That my nephew missed me. Blah blah blah. I was cautious but thought she had changed. That was until a few years ago, where she dropped me like a hot potato. In the run up to it I suspected she wanted to leave her husband and come live with me but I told her no. Then, never heard from her again.

No invite to xmas, birthday, never a word for years. No concern during covid. Nada. Didn't tell me someone I knew and cared about died.

So fine she was cut out of my life.

But something legally made it so I had to contact her. This was very good for her but I couldn't get what I was going to get unless she did too. The first phone call was very rude. So clearly she was still in mode. But once she learned something great would be coming her way.... she was more cooperative.

So yesterday, she literally texts me about did I know what happened to a relative?

First, one, what is this? You stop talking to me for 5 years and now you're are going to act like we are buddies? NO thank you. I didn't respond.

Secondly, another thing...she is obsessed with the misfortunes and drama of my relatives. One of the previous sticking points between us is that most of my relatives are ... how can I put this.... toxic people. Low value people. They smoke dope, they scam, they live off handouts and government and they are not people you want in your life. And they have constant misfortunes. That are 100% their own doing. My uncle literally died of gangreen because he preferred sugar to life and didn't leave us anything in the will though my brother cared for him at the end. Yet my sister is always concerned about them.

What about me? You know... your sister? Why do you care about everyone else in the family but me? Why should care about some distant relative when you haven't even allowed me to see my nephew in 4 years.

My aunts son was diagnosed with lung cancer. Yes it is sad, but he smoked his whole life and he worked construction type jobs. It was not unexpected. This were his choices. Most of my extended family lives this way. They ride motorcycles and get in accidents and then I am supposed to feel for them that they are almost crippled. I don't do those things. I purse things that will just be very good for my sister even though she doesn't deserve it.

At some point I will have to meet up with her for this legal thing. I don't want to. I hope she doesn't try small talk or I will tell her off right there.

Do the legal thing, only communicate about the legal thing. If she attempts to discuss other things by text, don't respond. If in person, you have an appointment and need to go. She has proven on multiple occasions she will only be cordial when there's something in it for her.

I was never close to my sister but after our father died she REALLY weirded out.

I basically told her she can stop with the fake caring garbage around Christmastime if that's the only time she is going to be civil and act decent.

I haven't spoken to her in years and I don't regret it for one second.

Thanks, I am considering going to the bank and asking to do the paperwork to open a joint account for me at one location and getting my sister to go to the other location to do her paperwork so we don't have to see each other to process the legal funds.

I just will never understand my sister's love for the segment of the family which is a complete mess. I know that essentially she feels like a big fish in a small pond when she hangs with them but she clearly prefers them to me. And weirdly thinks that I should too. I literally haven't spoken to some of these people in 10+ years. Prior to the break up she would call me to tell me about what was going on and I was just so bored. And frankly it was detrimental to me because I have health anxiety. The husband of a cousin had Esophageal cancer and this caused me a lot of distress, but over 4 years later I haven't seen an obituary so I am guessing he is fine.

I work so hard to keep my health and these same people, including my sister, call me neurotic. But when they get sick... somehow I have to drop everything and feign concern... which I can't see them ever doing that for me.

Family dynamics are tricky. There is the unwritten rule that if they are blood/family, somehow you have to bend to their will. I believe in that..... to a point. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and do what is best for your mental and physical well-being.