How do I not take this personally?

Over the last several days, our elderly cat had to be taken to the vet for surgery. Just before she was due to be discharged, my husband got sick, and I had to tie up all loose ends at the vet myself.

I posted both situations on Facebook, and both husband and cat have received well wishes.

Then as my husband began to recover, I caught it myself. I’m currently running a temperature of 103 F (39.44 C), down from 104.1 F (just over 40 C.). My husband is taking very good care of me. He made me chicken soup, as I made it for him yesterday. When we decided I shouldn’t be under a heavy blanket, he brought me a sheet to cover up with instead, and I noticed later he’d brought me two bottles of water so I can stay hydrated. I am grateful that he is taking such good care of me, because there was a time in my past that I was in a marriage where this all would have been one-sided. He is a wonderful husband. I am so glad for him.

On Facebook, I posted photos of both the thermometer showing 104.1, and the water he brought me. I publicly thanked him for his care. Right now I feel just as miserable as he miust have felt yesterday. Maybe more, since his temp didn’t climb so high. It was never above 100 F.

So many hearts, cares, comments, well wishes and support for him, and for the cat. My posts about my own health, the only hearts and cares are his, and the only comments were mine, updating about my temperature.

We have over 50 friends in common. But it does seem to me they care more about him, and even the cat, than they do me.

I’m leaving the posts about my health up for another 24 hours, and then I am taking them down without comment or explanation. I seriously doubt anyone would even notice.

Thank you for letting me vent.

First, I hope you recover from this illness ASAP and feel better ASAP! Being that ill is sheer misery.

Second, the first thought that came to mind is that you posted about your husband's and cat's sickness directly, but only indirectly referenced your own illness in the second post since it was about your husband taking such good care of you. The first post, being focused only on their poor health, naturally evokes hearts, comments, etc, but the second post doesn't necessarily require or prompt the same kind of reaction and action since it's a comment about your husband taking care of you. The kind of comments that would make sense in the second case, are ones saying "oh, you're so lucky" you have such a wonderful partner." And maybe your mutual friends didn't feel the need to say this.

That's another perspective for you to consider here.

That is terribly hurtful. I say that based on first-hand experience. In 2022, I was in the hospital with an infection and sepsis. I was awful sick and posted about it on Facebook. My nieces (both adults) never put a "get well" comment or even an emoji. I've never completely gotten over the hurt. Not that I want to be bitter, but I'll never again believe that I mean much to them.

Getting back to you: A temp of 104.1°F is awful high in an adult. I think it is sufficient reason to go to the emergency dept of a nearby hospital. Keep checking it. Your husband sounds nice, but he can't collect your blood and send it to a lab for tests . . . and he can't X-Ray your lungs. At such a high temp, those things should have been done. If this is a respiratory infection, you are at risk of pneumonia. Perhaps it is COVID. They have an antiviral medication for that, but it has to be started soon after the onset of illness. If this is a different type of infection, your problem could develop a complication. High fever can also lead to hair loss.

Hydration is important, and it sounds like your husband is on it. Monitor the color of your urine, which can be an excellent index to your level of hydration. If it gets too dark, you need more fluid. Plain water is not always best. A beverage with some sugar in it absorbs quicker. I recommend diluted juice, or diluted ice tea.

Do you have an oximeter? You can order one from Amazon for as little as $20. Every home should have one. It tells the level of oxygen in your blood. If you can't keep that above 88%, you need to be on supplemental oxygen, which means go to the emergency dept right away.

Let us know how you're doing. I hope all three of you will be all better soon.

Thank you so much. My husband himself is still ailing somewhat, so he’s not up to driving me in to an urgent care or emergency department. My temperature is down today although not quite normal yet. I have little to no appetite, so he’s going to the store to get me some jello. It’s all I feel like I can eat.

I do have an oximeter. I will check my level in a minute or so and let you know if it’s out of the ordinary. Thank you for asking. And I am sorry your nieces didn’t come through for you.

PS: Ox was 94, low end of normal. Pulse was quite high at 130. I just took a fever reducer so of it doesn’t come down I’ll get help. Temp continues to come down (100.9 now) but still isn’t normal.

That heart rate is very high. Keep an eye on it. The pulse O2 is fine at 94%. Keep taking the jello, maybe some broth, etc. I hope you and Hubby and Kitty will be in better form by 4rth of July.

How can it not be personal.

Not saying that they did that *intentionally* to hurt you but it *is* painful to not get caring responses. It is perfectly understandable that you would feel upset or uncared for. A true friend would show concern, that is a really high temp...

Thanks, everyone, for the caring. Hubby, kitty, and I all feel better now. Some messages of well-wishes eventually started to trickle in on Facebook, but it's still hard for me to understand why it took so long.