Karate teacher swearing at students! and young teenagers.

Should I leave this Karate group? (social anxiety) Sensei swearing at us now.

Hi Everyone.

Basically I've been debating whether or not to continue going to this karate group. I'll lay out what happened in hopes of getting some good insight from you brilliant people on whether it's just me overthinking and overanalyzing, or if it's actually a toxic environment.

The teacher, let's call him Jeff, is in his 40s. He seemed nice and welcoming when my partner and I first joined, but over time, he stopped being overly friendly. I felt a bit tricked, like he was "overselling" when we first joined. I later found out he was a sales rep, which explains the initial friendliness and selling. During my time there, I noticed a few things: Jeff seemed to lack discipline in teaching young kids and teenagers how to kick and punch properly. Their fundamentals seemed to lack. But I thought, oh, maybe he's just lazy with his teaching. However, I did notice some issues.

For example, a young girl, below the age of 10, was trying to carry a mat to the other piles of mats. Her cousin told her to hurry up, so I stepped in to help her. Jeff said, "Hey, she's trying; it's the spirit of it." Then a 16-year-old said, "Yeah, but she has a small body." I noticed the little girl seemed upset, so I said to her, "Oh, I bet you're tough in your school class!" which seemed to boost her confidence.

There is also another teenager who doesn't seem interested in doing karate and seems resentful. He's been there since the beginning of the year, and Jeff doesn't seem to talk to him or help him with his resentment.

Jeff often gets a young lady, roughly in her early 20s and is a black belt, who we'll call Mary, to teach the young kids all the time. She has complained about this more than once. Mary seem to have enough and got an 8-year-old girl who is a blue belt to teach us a karate pattern, and she got a bit lost and we were lost as well. Jeff didn't pay attention to this.Maty vanish to teach older teenagers.

Now, here's where Jeff went from friendly to literally "Two-Face" from Batman. Last week during karate class, I asked Mary what time the restaurant gathering was, as we were all going together as a group. I mentioned my partner might not come because he had a sore throat. Jeff then asked what was wrong with my partner, and I said he had a sore throat. Jeff replied, "Oh, he's a soft cock." I said, "I will tell him what you said." Jeff turned his head and ignored me, speaking to someone else. Mary laughed and said to Jeff, "I like how she said she'll tell on you." I felt angry and shocked by Jeff because, in the past, when my partner didn't show up and was unwell he said to send his kind regards.

Two days later

At the restaurant, Jeff swore way too much, breaking out of character from how he is during karate. He told Mary, who he has taught since she was a young teenager, to "shut the **** up." I assumed it was because he was trying to concentrate on ordering meals, but still, you don't speak to people that way. Mary looked to Jeff's wife, who shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. I was shocked by his behavior. As the night went on, a woman in the group, who we'll call Jane, gave off stand-offish vibes. Jane, in her 30s, is a stay-at-home mother. During karate class, she wasn't very friendly and seemed to only talk to Jeff. My partner picked up that she was trying to compete with the young teenage boys. She once said to me how she is "fitter" than the teenage boys, which I found odd. I didn't like her behavior when she took down a young teenage boy during sparring, resulting in a loud thud on the ground and everyone turned in shock.

At the restaurant, Jane mentioned to Jeff that she left school early at age 15. He said, "Yeah, not surprised." I was shocked and gave him a disapproving look, to which he responded with "evil eyes," seemingly challenging me in a childish manner. He then pointed towards me and others at the other end of the table, saying, "Yeah, those ****s over there." Mary started swearing out of nowhere, which she never did during class. Jane asked Mary if it was okay to bring her kids to the club to watch her, and Mary responded, "I ****ing hate teaching kids," which I thought was a poor attitude, especially to say to a mother with kids. As we left as a group, Jeff called someone a "soft cock" and hit another guy in the groin. He also made fun of me for being gluten-free, joking about giving me all the gluten-free stuff.

I noticed that Jeff touched Mary's back and rubbed it in what seemed like a romantic way, which I found odd since Jeff is about 47 and Mary is in her early 20s.And Jeff's wife was there.

Basically, that's what happened. I feel disgusted and angry at Jeff. I do feel like telling him my concerns, but I don't think he will be able to reflect and improve as a person. I say this because I heard Jeff and Jane in a deep conversation where they mentioned not caring if someone is upset by what someone says. Jeff also mentioned there is a time and place to say things, but by his example, I felt he crossed a lot of boundaries that night.

Other members of the group have left, including a family who never returned. Mary mentioned how people come and go, and now I'm thinking, "Oh, I wonder why?"

I don't know if it's healthy to continue with this group based on what I've experienced. It seems Jeff went from super friendly to displaying barbaric behavior. I feel quite hurt especially when he said "Oh those ****s over there". towards me and the other people at the end of the table. I also feel unsafe to go again incase I don't Jeff decides to be verbally abusive.

Thoughts?

This guy sounds like a first-class clown. I'd drop him and find another dojo.

thank you for reading my message I really appreciate it. Yeah! what got me was how he went nice and polite and competently changed. It was so werid. I haven't experience someone swore and treat people like that for no real reason.

Sounds like a rude jerk to me.

The unfortunate thing is martial arts is supposed to be about respect and discipline. This "sensei" sounds like some fly-by-night instructor. Of course, I don't know what his experience is or his knowledge about karate but he sounds like a pretty easy guy to avoid.

I took karate in the 1990s and I really got into it. I learned a lot, could do the splits and loved to spar. I read a couple of books about the subject and was fascinated by it. Unfortunately, I had to move and never wore my gi again. I since took up running and I like that a lot, too.

I encourage you to pursue karate. Just do it in a different dojo if possible.

I had the answer to your question at the very first line of your post. It is *not* okay to swear in *any* context.

There are healthier ways to communicate with respect and emotional maturity.

I took Korean karate with my then boy friend .
After a while Sensei became like yours. After I broke my nose(not from karate) I asked that no punches be thrown to my face. After that, many of the higher belts ONLY aimed for my face and Sensei laughed. I stayed long enough to become a red belt but the purpose of karate, the discipline, and respect, was lacking. It was toxic and we ended up leaving. Your Sensei sounds like he lacks discipline and respect. I'd get out of that environment if I was you.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Jeff is showing you who he is. You're wise enough to see it and ask yourself if you want to continue. I think you have your answer.

Personally, I would find a new place to do karate. I know it's hard, but being a place like that is very stressful and emotionally draining.

You’re definitely not overthinking things or overreacting to anything. Jeff is rude, lacks empathy, has no manners & no tact or paitence either.

He is definitely two faced & I don’t think that he likes teaching kids karate.

Hus rude comment about your partner was inappropriate. You shouldn’t let him talk to you like that. Document everything & complain about everything to management or H.R.

Touching Mary was inappropriate too. It sounds lije no one ever calls Jeff out on his bad behavior, so that’s why he keeps acting up.

You need to set firm boundaries with him. Honestly, drop that class & go to a better place to where the sensei has respect for other people.