Why did a new friend turn mean suddenly?

I met this lady close to my age online on an app. I knew her for a few months. We texted for awhile before meeting in person.

When I finally met her, she was in the hospital. She twisted her body by slipping on wet ground at a festival.

I felt bad for her, so I brought her food as she said the food there wasn’t that great. It was fruit & snacks mostly.

I also helped her out with her phone bill for the month unfortunately. She didn’t ask for my help. She has no savings, cards or job, so I helped her out.

She only paid me back $50 even adter she got a $900 check from her insurance or something like that. She was going to pay me back $150 but then she changed her mind because she got charged $140 by her credit card company she said.

She said she was broke & needed money for food. I let it go then unfortunately.

I trusted her to much. Anyways, we recently had a misunderstanding about something & she called me insane & was mad at me for blocking my caller I.D as I forgot to turn it back on. She was like, I have to screen all unknown calls.

She said she answered my question about something but she was so unclear about things that I didn’t understand everything she said.

Even a good friend said she seemed unclear when I read her the texts. I normally don’t do that, but it was necessary to understand things. I didn’t reveal personal info btw.

She also said that she thinks my tone is off putting, the way that I talk. No one but my husband ever told me that & he’s emotionally abusive.

She said I’m never chill & that I was starting to piss her off. I’m extremely upset as I did so much for her & she ends up being rude & disrespectful to me over a small misunderstanding. Unbelievable!

I wish that I never helped her at all. Especially financially. I’ll probably never get that money back. She said she’d pay me back, but I doubt it now.

Why would she all of a sudden develop an attitude with me?

She was thinking about hiring me as her caretaker as she’s at home now. I do work as a caretaker now, but I’m not getting f/t hours & I probably never get f/t hours.

She has no friends, no family & her ex husband is crazy & abusive. Her son isn’t doing well as he’s with his dad now. Her poor dog got ran over by a car in May too, etc…

My good friend thinks that she’s a liar & trouble & that I don’t have a tone at all.

Why would she snap at me after everything that I did for her? I wrote her a long text telling her that I can’t work with or be friends with someone who is rude & disrespectful to me. She didn’t apologize to me after I asked her for an apology, so I’m done with her.

On top of that she constantly interrupted me & blamed it on her ADD.

I’d appreciate any insight into this situation, thanks. I don’t understand why I keep getting mistreated by people at times. I don’t deserve this at all.

I was the only person who visited her at the hospitall. I took her out & pushed her around in her wheel chair & I lifted that heavy thing alone in & out if the car too! She was to weak to help me much.

My other friend I met on the app thinks that I am chill btw. It seemed like this lady can’t deal with people who aren’t always upbeat or something like that.

I was usually light hearted around her as to not add stress to her life, but I never thought that I was always ‘mad’ or never chill, weird! I just got a bit annoyed at her the other day for telling me how to drive.

She was being an annoying know it all & told me turn hete, I used to be an Uber driver, I know the area. I had Gps. I just told her to please not tell me how to drive. as it was very distracting & annoying.

I’ll never ever be that nice or naieve again.

.

It’s very kind of you to visit her at the hospital and help her in other ways but honestly it’s very puzzling to me why did you do all that for someone you barely know?

Pay her bills? And she didn’t even ask for it?

When you visited her in the hospital it was literally the first time you met her? Pushing and lifting wheel chair, helping with money, driving her around etc That’s something you do for family or trusted friend or you could do those things for strangers as a volunteer but then you don’t expect anything back!

We (and you) have no ways to know why people do what they do. No ways to know why she said this or that. I’d focus on why you do this or that. I think it’s dangerous to get that fast and that extremely close to strangers. It’s a sure way to get scammed or worse. You can’t expect close friendships with people you barely know

The red flags here are that this woman has no friends, no family, her son lives with her abusive ex husband, and she has no job, no credit cards (although her credit card company charged her $140, so she does have a card), and no savings. To top it off, you met her online. She totally could have been scamming you. I don't trust anyone I meet online anymore. You can never explain someone else's behavior. She is the way she is, and she became rude and disrespectful, so BYE BYE! Never give money to help support people you barely know, is another lesson here.

Yeah, that seems kind of strange. Don't pay the bills of someone you don't even know well again. I know you have only started working recently and have your own bills to pay. I'd say spend your money on that from now on not on someone else's expenses.


A former neighbor friend (and still friend) fell into that trap. She's a very sweet person, but sort of naïve and easily falls for people's sob stories. She was friendly with another neighbor who could work but didn't really want to work. That neighbor would take a job and last about a week or a month at most. She'd always have problems with someone or start calling in sick right away.


Anyways, it started with small things. For example, we had to pay someone to clean out the sewage duct under the street. It wasn't that much money divided between all the houses, but my friend paid that woman's share, because, you know, she can't work. It expanded to helping her with other bills- internet, electricity. Once, my husband and I went out to lunch with my friend and her husband and the neighbor called, demanding my friend pay her pharmacy credit card. Walking home, my friend went into the pharmacy and paid. My friend must have done it before, since she had the information to make the payment. It's not as if my friend and her husband had tons of money to be paying someone else's bills. She's teacher and he's a vet tech.

That got a bit long, but, don't fall into that trap again.

It doesn’t matter whether your tone isn’t chill or it is, quite simply it’s not decent behaviour to not pay back someone after they bailed you out of a tough spot. Tone observation seems like a distraction she’s thrown in from the side.

I don’t know what is going on but it’s possible this woman is picking fault with you to justify her own poor behaviour. It sounds like you’re alert to this, and good you are, I wouldn’t recommend staying in touch.

Yeah, you’re right about everything. I only knew her for a few months. I met her in the hospital, yes for the first time.

I never in my life did this much for anyone before. I felt sorry for her. I did like her as a person to apparently.

I made a big mistake loan ling her money as she inly paid me back $50 so far out of a $200 bill.

She has no savings, card, or job. She only makes a small income by renting out a room on air bnb.

She said that she’d pay me back, but I’mmnit sure about things as we just had a fall out.

She was rude to me in a text over a silly misunderstanding. I asked her a yes or no question a few times & she kept going on about something ekse.

So she then snapped & told me that she answered my question & that I’m insane. Wth? So rude! She was pissed that I blocked my calker I.D as she was screening calls.

She accused me if doing that on purpose when I forgot to turn it back on.

I told her that I did appreciate that. She went on to say that I’m never chill which isn’t true & that we’re not a good fit after I told her that I don’t want to be friends with her anymore

She was rude & disrespectful. I’m very upset that she would talk to me that way adter I visited her in the hospital & got her food too!

I trusted her to much unfortunately. I should’ve known she was bad news after finding out that all of her friends left her & that she doesn’t even have one single family member visit her.

Maybe she lied about her sob stories, idk.

I’ll never do anything like this again. It was my first & last time.

You’re right, she could’ve been scamming me. She never asked me for anything though.

I stupidly offered to help her w/o her asking me for anything.

I have a feeling that I’ll never get that money back. I only got $50 back so far.

She did text me & tell me that she’d oay me bacj, but I no longer trust her.

You’re right, she could’ve been scamming me. She never asked me for anything though.

I stupidly offered to help her w/o her asking me for anything.

I have a feeling that I’ll never get that money back. I only got $50 back so far.

She did text me & tell me that she’d pay me back, but I no longer trust her.

I never ever did anything like this before. Never again! I learned my lesson!

That lady sounds like a mean entitled person. I don’t understand why she turned mean suddenly. She obviously still needed me as she has no one to help her with anything. She needed an IHSS care eaker too & was going to hire me f/t as her caregiver.

That’s true. I asked people if I had a tone & a couple friends said no.

She only paid me back $50 but she owes me more stull. She claimed that she’d pay me back, but I don’t believe her.

I've seen people who profile exactly like her. She is a con. She's your best friend and feeds you a sob story when she wants something out of you. But when she's done getting what she wants, she invents "irritants" about you to remove herself from being around you, so she can build up an imaginary case to stay away and not be accountable for paying you back. Believe me, she wants you to think she will never pay you back and wants to be bad company so you will eventually give up the quest. She's not your friend and never was. People who come to you with emotional displays of pity out of the blue are often targeting you for something, because they identify you as someone who will believe their story and feel sorry for them. You're a good person and she took advantage. I'm very sorry this happen to you.

You’re probably right about everything that you said unfortunately.

She actually was in the hospital & she had constant pain spasms too. That was what made me believe her.

Hopefully that wasn’t the case. She even wanted to hire me as her UHSS caretaker. She gave me a form to fill out & I filled it out.

I should’ve seen the red flags though as no one visited her but me. All of her friends & family abandoned her too.

She recently got kicked out of a FB group that she was a leader in.

She claimed she’d pay me back everything once she had the money.

I feel do stupid. Is there a way to protect yourself from predatory people like this in the future?

I have never helped anyone that much before. I guess that I thought I could trust her & that she wanted to help me to in her own way.

Hopefully she will pay me back the money eventually.

It’s a tough one. I’d say it’s good to fact check when someone has a story or series of stories, yes sometimes people can genuinely have been a victim but if this person is always a victim in the stories they tell and there’s no balance (like admitting their own part in circumstances) then red flags are there. Certainly where money changes hands it’s good to take your time making that decision and involve the second opinion of someone you do trust possibly.

Don’t beat yourself up though, we learn from experience, this was a tough one.

Thanks. I should’ve known better by now. I ONLY kept her unblocked on my phoneb& Insta in hopes that she’ll keep her word & pay me back soon.

I don’t trust her anymore. She sent me a few bizarre messages today on Instagram.

The first one being, traumitized people are different or whatever.

Then when i screenshoted what she owed me, she was like
oh, you’re angry & you’re scaring me. Wth?

She said, chill & your text was to ‘long’, I didn’t read it.

But she said she’d pay me back & to chill out. So rude! I didn’t threaten her, wth?

I said that she hurt me by being rude &’ calling me crazy over a misunderstanding.

She never apologized to me for anything. She sounded high af in the text. She’s often high.

Never again!

Oh personally I’d find the instagram messages very telling, this indirect way (am guessing it was a meme or such like) of communication is quite manipulative imo,. But you already knew that, I hope you’ll get your money back!

It was a meme. Wth was she trying to tell me? That I should excuse her awful behavior since she has past trauma in her life & mental health issues? Ugh!

I have issues too, but I wouldn’t ignore someone I owed money to & accuse them of not being ‘chill’ or being ‘crazy’ for asking for their money back.

She made a drug reference & she sounded high yesterday. She’s usually stoned.

I asked her if she used my money to buy drugs for herself & she said no but I don’t believe her.

She said that I’m ‘angry’ & that I’m scaring her & that I have bad energy. Wth? Is she gaslighting me or is she insane?

I’ll definitely give her a piece of my mind IF I ever get my money back.

I was matter of fact & I told her that too. I said that most people would be upset in this situation too.

She is a low life manipulative drug addict, ugh!

I don’t mind when people use weed, but with her, she is always stoned. Ar first I thought she needed it for her painful spasms, but it’s like she can’t function w/o weed.

No wonder no one came to visit her in the hospital. No wonder why everyone abandoned her.

She belongs in a psychward. She talk crazy & keeps talking about the universe & landing.

I told her to contact me when she’s sober as I can’t understand anything she says when she’s high usually

Does it sound like I won’t get my money back?

My best friend said no, she has no intention of paying me back. Is she just messing with me? If so, why? I was nothing but nice to her.

I’ll never ever do even a quarter of what I did for her for anyone again. People usually take advantage of nice people unfortunately.

I do hope you won’t let this woman jade you, there are some genuinely deserving people out there.

It sounds a possibility you mightn’t get your money back but who knows. As long as you’re not reacting to the manipulation tactics I’d say you’re doing well.

Thanks. I don’t understand why she told me that she’ll pay me back & yet she hasn’t yet. She did get the money as Zelle stated it was delivered.

So she could just send me back the money. She’s broke now aside from getting some income from airbnb, so maybe she used that money for drugs or food, idk.

She’s always stoned & not eating that much now, so I think it went to drugs.

I don’t think that she intends to pay me back. I’m just surprised that she didn’t just block me yet.