self-centered friend

i have a friend who seems like a nice person but is also self-centered. she lost her father recently and was having a very hard time so i tried to support her. her doctor also thinks she has early on-set dementia as her shortterm memory is bad. she repeats herself a lot. taking all that into account i try to be sympathetic and understanding. i am often on the listening end of her talking about her problems. however, i also get very frustrated with her. she once needed someone to foster her cat. she asked me on five separate occasions and each time i said i would take her cat in (i love animals) only to have her change her mind each time and she would ask her acquaintance to foster her cat. she was constantly telling me how that acquaintance didn't really care about her cat. ack. another situation was her birthday. i texted her twice and said i wanted to take her to lunch to celebrate. she did not respond to the invite even though she texted me about other things. so i texted her a third time. this time she didn't even respond. when i asked her about it after three days she said she had been busy. it only takes a few seconds to text a yes or no right? it's common courtesy. this disregard for my feelings bothers me. yet when i was sick she kept offering to help me. and she is always thanking me for being a good friend. so things are not black and white. i want to tell her how i feel but she gets very defensive and makes excuses.

i find i sometimes make friends only to find out down the line that they are not the right friend for me.

How long have you known this person? I ask because her odd behavior may simply be a sign that she's comfortable enough around you to be herself. The not responding to texts is annoying but not a big deal in my opinion. Also, if she is in the early stages of dementia, I'd cut her some slack.

I know someone with early on set of dementia. It’s not easy.

i've known her for about five years. yes i do take into account she has dementia. i try to let things go. eg when she makes plans with me and then goes out with someone else because she forgot. stuff like that. we used to work together and one of our coworkers used to say that she is a taker not a giver. this was before the dementia set in.

it's not easy listening to the same story fifty times. and she will get fixated on something which upsets her. i am trying to be understanding but it's hard sometimes.

Yes it’s hard for you. But I mainly meant it’s not easy for the person suffering from it. At early on set, people very aware that they have cognition and memory issue and it’s progressing going downhill, it’s scary.

yes she is worried. her family has been asking her not to drive although she has driven me all over and is a perfectly safe driver. she doesn't listen to any advice or solutions though which is frustrating. i do wonder where to draw the line between being understanding and patient and being with someone who was self-centered before the illness.

Sorry to hear that. Maybe tell her how you feel about things as tactfully as you can in person. If that doesn’t work, then just be less available. Don’t agree to do things for her as often. She can find other people to help her.

i think it might help if i just talk about myself more in our interactions. i tend to not do that unless someone asks. she is very worried about her dementia so i want to support her. i know if i ever needed help she would be there for me.