My partner of 3 years struggles with alcoholism.

My partner of 3 years struggles with alcoholism. He has an 11 year old daughter that we see twice a week.
It took me a year to figure out he had a substance abuse problem. Since finding out, there's been a lot of empty and broken promises, lying, hurtful words and disloyalty on his end. I'm at a point where I just feel stupid for staying but keep hoping that if I wait long enough, he'll actually change.
But I'm so tired and sad of going through the same problem over and over again. I want to be with someone I can trust and count on and I don't know if he can be that for me.

Were you looking for support or thinking out loud or hoping for advice in your post?

RDMercer

I’m sorry your partner has addiction problems. This will be a life long problem even if he does get sober. He must stop using and abusing and also get therapy so he can learn how to regulate his emotions and quite frankly grow up as most alcoholics are very immature and dependent on others to boost their self esteem.

Some that develop substance abuse problems never stop abusing substances and often die before age 60.

What if you spend your life waiting and he never changes? You already spent 3 years hoping he would change and he hasn't.

Make decisions with the partner you actually have, not the one you *wished* you had. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and wasting your life.

If you do decide to stay and he does not change, then you have to accept your decision. He will not be the one at fault or the one to blame for not being who you want him to be.

“Make decisions with the partner you actually have, not the one you *wished* you had. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and wasting your life.”

This has been true for me too.

RDMercer

Quote:

Originally Posted by RDMercer “Make decisions with the partner you actually have, not the one you *wished* you had. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and wasting your life.” This has been true for me too. RDMercer

It was true for me too & it wasn't alcohol abuse but other huge issues. This is such a valuable understanding to hold on to in all relationships

Abusing alcohol causes the brain to shrink and also causes nerve damage. As a person ages they lose restore and reserve functions so once a person still abusing alcohol gets into late forties and into fifties they have a harder time learning as well as functioning and doing tasks they used to do. The risk for experiencing psychotic episodes also increases as well as developing early onset dementia.