How do I tactfully tell an autistic client to not look at me inappropriately?

jesyka · Jul 28, 2024 at 03:39 PM

I have a new client. I’m a caretaker. She is nice but she is autistic & she has ADHD too.

Anyways, sometimes I see her looking at my chest. Idk why she does that.

I didn’t say anything yet. I ignored her, It’s less frequent now, but it still happens.

Why would she do that? I don’t wear revealing clothing. It’s hot where I am now so I’m wearing sleeveless shirts & dresses.

Is there a tactful way to let her know that I don’t like that? All I got is: Is there something on my shirt?

I don’t want to offend her. Also, she interrupts me a lot. I noticed that she doesn’t interrupt her friend whos also her neighbor that often. He does call her out on things often though.

I told her to let me finish a few times. Why is she constantly interrupting me still then?

It’s annoying. I’m trying to be patient , but its hard. She has some self awareness, I know that as she is aware that she can say the wrong thing at times.

MuddyBoots · Jul 28, 2024 at 04:08 PM

I had a lot of anxiety (and probably ADHD) growing up and was afraid of eye contact and found myself staring at people's chests instead until I learned people didn't like that. I'm still not great with eye contact (except for intimidating people haha), but I learned to look at their forehead.

Maybe it's something similar with her?

Interrupting and bad eye contact are parts of autism/ADHD. You didn't say how old she is, but just try to teach her some tricks (like looking at someone's forehead instead of chest). I still interrupt people because there's a need to get the thoughts out while I have one that's relevant that's been "grasped." The only way I don't do this is by not talking at all because any time I get a moment to speak my thoughts have made a million leaps and circles and my thought's are totally off topic by then.

Not saying either of these is the case with her, but just what I've experienced and the reasons behind them.

jesyka · Jul 29, 2024 at 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I had a lot of anxiety (and probably ADHD) growing up and was afraid of eye contact and found myself staring at people's chests instead until I learned people didn't like that. I'm still not great with eye contact (except for intimidating people haha), but I learned to look at their forehead.

Maybe it's something similar with her?

Interrupting and bad eye contact are parts of autism/ADHD. You didn't say how old she is, but just try to teach her some tricks (like looking at someone's forehead instead of chest). I still interrupt people because there's a need to get the thoughts out while I have one that's relevant that's been "grasped." The only way I don't do this is by not talking at all because any time I get a moment to speak my thoughts have made a million leaps and circles and my thought's are totally off topic by then.

Not saying either of these is the case with her, but just what I've experienced and the reasons behind them.

Thanks for the advice. She’s 35 & seems high functioning.

Bill3 · 08:32 AM

I think that the keys to making progress are patience, repetition, not taking anything personally, and being nonjudgmental.

When she interrupts, you could try "Remember not to interrupt others", said nonjudgmentally. You may have to say that many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

With regard to your chest, don't act as if she is being inappropriate. Rather, think that she is trying her best, but needs guidance.

I like what MuddyBoots suggested. You could say "It's good to look at people's foreheads." When you notice her looking at your chest you could say "Remember to look at people's foreheads." You might have to say this many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

The_little_didgee · Aug 01, 2024 at 07:10 AM

She could just be thinking.

Sometimes people are so focused on their thoughts they don’t notice where their eyes are directed at. It can appear they are looking at a particular body part, but in reality they are not consciously focused on that part and analyzing its details. It’s like being in deep thought and looking into the distance but not acknowledging what you see.

Direct and clear verbal communication should help resolve this behavior. I know its tiring, but the effort is worth it.

Chip97 · Aug 30, 2024 at 04:10 PM

As an autistic person myself, I would address the issue with her in an indirect direct way saying, "Can we have a chat? I've noticed you're looking down a lot when with me? Is it to avoid eye contact or is it something else?" That leaves it open. You're not accusing her of anything then.

jesyka · Sep 09, 2024 at 12:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

I think that the keys to making progress are patience, repetition, not taking anything personally, and being nonjudgmental.

When she interrupts, you could try "Remember not to interrupt others", said nonjudgmentally. You may have to say that many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

With regard to your chest, don't act as if she is being inappropriate. Rather, think that she is trying her best, but needs guidance.

I like what MuddyBoots suggested. You could say "It's good to look at people's foreheads." When you notice her looking at your chest you could say "Remember to look at people's foreheads." You might have to say this many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

Thanks. Thankfully she stopped looking at me most of the time.

jesyka · Sep 09, 2024 at 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_little_didgee

She could just be thinking.

Sometimes people are so focused on their thoughts they don’t notice where their eyes are directed at. It can appear they are looking at a particular body part, but in reality they are not consciously focused on that part and analyzing its details. It’s like being in deep thought and looking into the distance but not acknowledging what you see.

Direct and clear verbal communication should help resolve this behavior. I know its tiring, but the effort is worth it.

Thanks. She rarely does more than gkanve at me now,. but not that often anymore.

jesyka · Sep 09, 2024 at 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chip97

As an autistic person myself, I would address the issue with her in an indirect direct way saying, "Can we have a chat? I've noticed you're looking down a lot when with me? Is it to avoid eye contact or is it something else?" That leaves it open. You're not accusing her of anything then.

Thanks. She mostly stopped doing that.

mote.of.soul · Sep 09, 2024 at 03:08 AM

Maybe just say with a smile "Are you looking at my boobs all the time?" I mean there's no way you can protect her embarrassment really.

mote.of.soul · Sep 09, 2024 at 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Maybe just say with a smile "Are you looking at my boobs all the time?" I mean there's no way you can protect her embarrassment really.

Mind you, my suggestion wouldn't be considered as tactful. All the best🙏

jesyka · Sep 10, 2024 at 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Mind you, my suggestion wouldn't be considered as tactful. All the best🙏

I definitely need to be careful with my client ss I don’t want to make things awkward I don’t want her to get so upset too that she’d feel uncomfortable around me either. And I definitely don’t want her to complain to my manager about me being ‘mean’ too.

I recently found out some new info about her that explains this.

Thankfully she has enough self awareness to have mostly stopped doing that.

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How do I tactfully tell an autistic client to not look at me inappropriately?

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Chip97 New Member Member Since Aug 2024 Location: London Posts: 2	Aug 30, 2024 at 04:10 PM #6 As an autistic person myself, I would address the issue with her in an indirect direct way saying, "Can we have a chat? I've noticed you're looking down a lot when with me? Is it to avoid eye contact or is it something else?" That leaves it open. You're not accusing her of anything then.
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mote.of.soul Wood Ape Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,580 (SuperPoster!) 6 22.3k hugs given	Sep 09, 2024 at 03:08 AM #10 Maybe just say with a smile "Are you looking at my boobs all the time?" I mean there's no way you can protect her embarrassment really. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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