How do I tactfully tell an autistic client to not look at me inappropriately?

jesyka · Jul 28, 2024 at 03:39 PM

I have a new client. I’m a caretaker. She is nice but she is autistic & she has ADHD too.

Anyways, sometimes I see her looking at my chest. Idk why she does that.

I didn’t say anything yet. I ignored her, It’s less frequent now, but it still happens.

Why would she do that? I don’t wear revealing clothing. It’s hot where I am now so I’m wearing sleeveless shirts & dresses.

Is there a tactful way to let her know that I don’t like that? All I got is: Is there something on my shirt?

I don’t want to offend her. Also, she interrupts me a lot. I noticed that she doesn’t interrupt her friend whos also her neighbor that often. He does call her out on things often though.

I told her to let me finish a few times. Why is she constantly interrupting me still then?

It’s annoying. I’m trying to be patient , but its hard. She has some self awareness, I know that as she is aware that she can say the wrong thing at times.

MuddyBoots · Jul 28, 2024 at 04:08 PM

I had a lot of anxiety (and probably ADHD) growing up and was afraid of eye contact and found myself staring at people's chests instead until I learned people didn't like that. I'm still not great with eye contact (except for intimidating people haha), but I learned to look at their forehead.

Maybe it's something similar with her?

Interrupting and bad eye contact are parts of autism/ADHD. You didn't say how old she is, but just try to teach her some tricks (like looking at someone's forehead instead of chest). I still interrupt people because there's a need to get the thoughts out while I have one that's relevant that's been "grasped." The only way I don't do this is by not talking at all because any time I get a moment to speak my thoughts have made a million leaps and circles and my thought's are totally off topic by then.

Not saying either of these is the case with her, but just what I've experienced and the reasons behind them.

jesyka · Jul 29, 2024 at 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I had a lot of anxiety (and probably ADHD) growing up and was afraid of eye contact and found myself staring at people's chests instead until I learned people didn't like that. I'm still not great with eye contact (except for intimidating people haha), but I learned to look at their forehead.

Maybe it's something similar with her?

Interrupting and bad eye contact are parts of autism/ADHD. You didn't say how old she is, but just try to teach her some tricks (like looking at someone's forehead instead of chest). I still interrupt people because there's a need to get the thoughts out while I have one that's relevant that's been "grasped." The only way I don't do this is by not talking at all because any time I get a moment to speak my thoughts have made a million leaps and circles and my thought's are totally off topic by then.

Not saying either of these is the case with her, but just what I've experienced and the reasons behind them.

Thanks for the advice. She’s 35 & seems high functioning.

Bill3 · 08:32 AM

I think that the keys to making progress are patience, repetition, not taking anything personally, and being nonjudgmental.

When she interrupts, you could try "Remember not to interrupt others", said nonjudgmentally. You may have to say that many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

With regard to your chest, don't act as if she is being inappropriate. Rather, think that she is trying her best, but needs guidance.

I like what MuddyBoots suggested. You could say "It's good to look at people's foreheads." When you notice her looking at your chest you could say "Remember to look at people's foreheads." You might have to say this many times. Stay patient and nonjudgmental.

The_little_didgee · Aug 01, 2024 at 07:10 AM

She could just be thinking.

Sometimes people are so focused on their thoughts they don’t notice where their eyes are directed at. It can appear they are looking at a particular body part, but in reality they are not consciously focused on that part and analyzing its details. It’s like being in deep thought and looking into the distance but not acknowledging what you see.

Direct and clear verbal communication should help resolve this behavior. I know its tiring, but the effort is worth it.

Chip97 · Aug 30, 2024 at 04:10 PM

As an autistic person myself, I would address the issue with her in an indirect direct way saying, "Can we have a chat? I've noticed you're looking down a lot when with me? Is it to avoid eye contact or is it something else?" That leaves it open. You're not accusing her of anything then.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Autistic client won’t stop talking to me	antonio8	Autism and Asperger's Syndrome	3	Dec 04, 2022 07:18 PM
Autistic client won’t stop talking to me	antonio8	Work and Careers	4	Nov 15, 2022 01:50 PM
How do I do this tactfully......	QuietRobot996	New Member Introductions	3	Oct 06, 2022 05:18 PM
how to cut conversation short tactfully	TerryL	Relationships & Communication	18	Aug 07, 2017 02:29 PM

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

How do I tactfully tell an autistic client to not look at me inappropriately?

My Support Forums

Chip97 New Member Member Since Aug 2024 Location: London Posts: 2	Aug 30, 2024 at 04:10 PM #6 As an autistic person myself, I would address the issue with her in an indirect direct way saying, "Can we have a chat? I've noticed you're looking down a lot when with me? Is it to avoid eye contact or is it something else?" That leaves it open. You're not accusing her of anything then.
	Reply With Quote