what to do?

i have a longtime friend who asked for ride to pick up her car from a dealership on a sunday. i said okay. then i found out sunday was the dealership rep's day off. she said the rep said he wanted to spend time with his nephew on sunday. my friend could pick up her car on saturday but she wanted to attend a festival that day. i told her she could go to the festival first and then go to the dealership afterwards on saturday. i know the rep agreed to the sunday appt but it seems really inconsiderate to make him work on his day off.. i want to tell my friend to find another ride but that will definitely impact our friendship. not sure what to do.

Give her a ride. Its the courteous thing to do

i probably will give her the ride because the car rep agreed to the sunday appt. still feel she should go on saturday instead though as a courtesy to him.

Well, the rep is a grown man / an adult, so entitled to make his own decisions. It is not fair to judge your friend as being 'inconsiderate'.

Had it been a problem, the rep could have said 'no' or offered another option. Other people taking him up on his decision is not their fault. He offered or agreed, after all.

I don’t think you can label her as “inconsiderate”. Or “making him work on his day off.” You don’t know exactly why rep agreed or how their conversation went but it was ultimately his choice to do so.

I don’t understand the dilemma. Just give her a ride unless you aren’t available. I find it interesting that you think she’s inconsiderate but you don’t think it’s inconsiderate to go back on your words after you promised her a ride.

I agree with divine. You don't likely have all the pertinent information, and your role is limited to whether you can give her a ride when she needs one.

In my experience, people who directly depend on business interactions (sales people, real estate agents, business owners, etc.) are often always "on duty" in a way. They are used to wacky schedules, and accommodating client's needs. My brother has been a salesman for much of his life, and he's always ready to go. It seriously doesn't bother him. He loves to work with clients, and while it can interfere at times, he rolls with it and adapts. If the rep couldn't or didn't want to accomodate her on Sunday, he wouldn't. It's probably typical in his work to do this.

I'm inclined to think that you're probably right about your girlfriend. She may well be someone who is not considerate. So that means you need to protect yourself from her exploiting you. You don't need to insert yourself into the middle of her being inconsiderate of someone else. As Rive said above: this dealer rep is a big boy and can look after himself. Just go ahead and provide the ride as you agreed to do.

Observing how this friend treats others may alter your opinion of her, which I think is quite fair.

i found out my friend went shopping on saturday morning and then went to the festival afterwards. someone else drove her around for that and they probably could have gone to the car dealer. in case some of you didn't catch it, the sales rep had said he wanted to spend time with his nephew on sunday.

yes i don't know all the details. i did end up giving her a ride though because as i mentioned, the sales rep did agree to sunday.

I spent time with my niece yesterday but I’d be able to stop by work at some point if I wanted to or needed to. It would be my choice. As someone else mentioned people in service industry often change their schedule to accommodate clients. Like hairdressers would work on their days off if clients needed that day or maybe his plans to see so and so were at a different time on Sunday etc

We don’t know your friend so it might as well be that she’s inconsiderate, but just judging by this one event it’s impossible to tell. Is she considerate with you? You can’t really judge her arrangements/relationships with others as no one knows those details

I did catch that, but I see it as rather irrelevant to your position. Suppose he said he was needing to drive his grandmother to the hospital for lifesaving surgery on Sunday. That would just mean it was up to him to sort his priorities and act accordingly. You seem to be worried about his nephew needing time with his uncle. That is way outside of what is within your rightful province of things to worry about.

Here's a hard lesson life taught me. I used to want to intervene, if I saw someone being not treated well by someone else. This came up at work a few times. It would seem to me like some of my coworkers were ganging up against another coworker, who seemed not able to hold her own among them. I'd feel sorry for the person I saw as vulnerable, and I'd insert myself into what was going on. That didn't work out well. I learned that everyone has to stand their own ground in this world, and everyone has to fight their own battles. Coming to the defense of others can become a bad habit that you'll often get no thanks for. Sometimes it's the right thing to do, but often it's not.

When someone treats someone else inconsiderately, it's kind of a favor that they're doing. They are showing who they are and what they're about. That is valuable information to the person who is being imposed upon. Now they know what to expect from the person who showed them no consideration. They'll know better how to handle that person next time.

For all we know he might not enjoy company of this nephew and jumped to the opportunity to not see him. 🤣🤣🤣

I have a couple of distant relatives whom I cannot stand but they are often invited to my extended family’s gatherings. I am always happy to have any excuse to not see them. Yes I’d be happy to go to work instead. I’d hate people labeling someone as inconsiderate if I agreed to work instead. One time I was happy I had covid and was skipping seeing these awful people. Yes I’d rather be sick. I later realized I sounded awfully jolly when I announced on a group text chain that I have covid and won’t be there. Oops. Lol

Bottom line, many things are just no one’s business.

Good job giving her the ride!