Responding to Appreciation

LiteraryLark · Aug 17, 2024 at 09:40 PM

I am someone who likes to do kind things for people. But when people thank me, and I say, "you're welcome", it seems like people want me to say something more. I am not sure if it's a conversation or an explanation, and I am not sure if the things I do require more than just a "thank you" or a "you're welcome"...for example, with my neighbors, I baked them cookies today and my neighbor called me and I just wasn't sure my best response was "you're welcome" and I said I thought it would be a good rainy day activity and thought the kids would love it, and it just felt like the conversation kept going until it got really awkward.

I have a lot of trouble with social cues, so maybe he just wanted a conversation. But it happens so often with other people that it feels like they expect something more than "you're welcome".

What are your thoughts?

mote.of.soul · Aug 18, 2024 at 01:08 AM

Yeah, it's a tricky one sometimes, in terms of letting the other person know your basic intention when gifting them with something. So I think in the example you gave, everything was cool. And then, maybe he just felt like he'd give you a call realising the type of good neighbour you are, and to get to know you a little bit as a person. If I were him, I might want to do that. But at the end of the day, it all sounded very casual without any major things going on. No expectation.

(Watch out he doesn't ask you to babysit next. Taking advantage of kindness hah)

Have Hope · Aug 18, 2024 at 04:39 AM

I think your response to your neighbor provided a logical and appropriate explanation for why you baked cookies for the kids. If you felt the conversation went on too long, you can always find a way to wrap it up and exit the conversation, or if you want to keep it going, you can always ask the person questions about themselves or their lives. People love to talk about themselves. Whenever I find myself in an awkward position socially, I just start asking the person questions and get them talking about themselves, or a give a nice compliment, which most people will typically enjoy receiving. If you get the sense the person doesn't want to talk more, like if they're not saying much and if you seem to be the one talking or carrying all the conversation, then politely exit and wrap it up.

Social cues can be tough, so don't feel bad... many people do have trouble reading cues. It just takes practice and learning how.

Rive. · Aug 18, 2024 at 07:46 AM

"You're welcome'' is a perfectly valid response and that is enough.

You don't necessarily need to provide any justification but there is nothing wrong with you saying more - though again, that is not necessary.

If it seems people are expecting more, than that is on them. They want something more, so let them come out with it, whatever it is, or you can wrap it up and go about your life.

ArmorPlate108 · Aug 18, 2024 at 10:51 AM

As an introvert, who also really likes people, I can say that it's sometimes hard to find the "sweet spot."

That was really nice of you to make cookies for them

The neighbor may have felt like it would be rude to not call and have some interaction. By the standards I grew up with in the 80s, something like that would warrant a stop-by the person's house to thank them directly, and probably a short, friendly conversation. (Is the neighbor older by chance?). We didn't have the Internet or social media then, so some of us are hardwired for direct conversations and an expectation of friendly chit-chat, particularly when something thoughtful and neighborly has occurred.

It's wonderful that you did such a kind thing, and modeled it for your kids

(But also agree to be alert to them seeing you as a softy they can use

)

RDMercer · Aug 18, 2024 at 01:09 PM

What are my thoughts??

My thoughts are, I wish you were my neighbour!

I love cookies! And I love rainy days! And I love rainy day activities!

I would be thanking you too. I wouldn't be hoping for something different or more.... I'd just want you to know I really like cookies

But, being serious, I think it went fine. I know some very good people who struggle with social cues. The conversation can be a little awkward, but so what! I like them as they are.

That was a very kind, cool, and neighbourly thing to do.

My neighbours are picking their garden this week and brought me a bag of green beans. The do that every summer. That's why I snow blow the entrance of their driveway and the walk way to the front of their house on winter mornings before I go to work. They're retired and have a little tractor. If we get a storm while I'm at work, they alternately come over and clear my driveway before I get home. You'd fit right in on my street!

RDMercer

SquarePegGuy · Aug 18, 2024 at 01:48 PM

"You're welcome" is enough.

I think if the neighbor wanted an explanation he or she might've asked.

It was nice to offer the explanation, though.

I used to get hung up on on to respond to compliments, such as "I like your outfit." Finally, I've realized "Thank you" is enough.

Embracingtruth · Aug 21, 2024 at 08:25 AM

My wife likes to do things for our neighbors sometimes, like making cookies or pies. But when she does it, she makes it very brief and says, "Hi! We were just thinking of you guys and thought you would like these. Enjoy!" She keeps it very brief and on point so as to not interrupt or make them feel beholding to a longer conversation. Its literally a drop and go situation. If they invite a longer conversation then she lets them run with it, otherwise she is over and back quickly. I think keeping it dialed in as a drop off and not trying to start a social visit is what keeps those situations always pleasant and enjoyable for all involved. Just my two cents.

Tart Cherry Jam · Oct 13, 2024 at 05:57 PM

I do not think it is about words. "You're welcome", as far as words go, is perfectly adequate, as has been suggested by posters above. But what about the body language, non-verbal cues, those things? Did you give him a broad smile when you said "you're welcome"? You wrote that you have trouble with social cues and with that you might also have some uneasiness around using non-verbal cues yourself to communicate with others.

Edited. Thought more about it. Maybe your words lacked a bit of emphasis. How about, next time, "Oh, you are MOST welcome!" with a broad smile? That should do the trick.

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