DAE get nervous/terrified when someone looks on your personal stuff (phone, diary)?

DAE = Does Anyone Else

I get extremely nervous and embarrassed when someone looks on my phone since I have a lot of stuff in there that they don’t approve of. And no, it’s not porn, I hate that ****.

My mom came over and asked to borrow my phone to look up Sandy Furniture for a lounge couch as she forgot to bring hers. I was reluctant at first, but I eventually had to give it to her. The whole time she was looking on my phone, my body was shaking like crazy. The words “please don’t touch the tabs” kept repeating in my mind.

As expected, she did touch the tabs and she saw all the stuff I had on the internet. She yelled at me to close them all down as she claimed I’ll get hacked and that it’s eating up my gigabytes. I started crying, my face flushing. She got grumpy and told me to hush and stop crying.

I explained to her that it’s embarrassing and I get scared when she goes through my phone. She replied that I just doing things that I shouldn’t be doing. I told her she thinks that way because she doesn’t approve of it. “Well you know what’s wrong and right” she replied.

Actually, no I don’t. I don’t have the same morals as my parents. For example they don’t approve of gay and/or transgender people while I’m more accepting towards them. I feel very insecure about my beliefs since I’m afraid if I speak about it, I’ll get shat on. My parents have done this to me several times as they are conservative while I’m more left leaning.

To be surrounded by parents and family with politics that clash against mine is an absolute nightmare. And that’s what I deeply fear the most about society.

@Cantholdmyrage

Sorry for the late reply but I have been away from the Forums.

Unless you are a minor, I don't think you have any obligation to meet the expectations of your parents and especially if those expectations are unrealistic.

It is understandable that parents have wishes for their adult children. But expectations are more than wishes. They usually contain a hidden ultimatum... as in "You should do this OR ELSE." In this sense, expectations are similar to demands.

Does this make sense?

For the longest time, I have been keeping an online diary on a forum where the administrator asured me it was a private section

I recently discovered two comments on it that weren't by me and not by the administrator and it did freak me out a little.

Offline, I am very guarded over my property

If you want to see it, you either need to be with me, (I need to be in the room), or the person needs to have such a level of trust that they can actually full hug me and I don't freak about it.

I also clear my internet history daily

It's mainly Gmail and medical sites, but still..

Some members of my family have always disapproved of what I say, how I act, how I carry myself, etc.. Part of the reason why I left at 18. Also, part of the reason why I don't even tell them what is going on in my life. FWIW, they don't ask so I am confident they don't care. Some stopped answering the phone when I call, and will text back weeks later.

I have another sibling who gets treated the same. This sibling is the one who I can trust.

After all these years, I have concluded is just manipulation. And I don't need that in my life. When I go home, I want to be at peace. My last spouse also had issues with what I watched. I'm no longer subject to that judgment. WOOHOO!

@Cantholdmyrage the further and faster you run away from such parents the better for you. I sticked together with my parents for too long, and was obedient. It did me worlds of harm.
My brother ignored them early and he is much better off.

You can love them from distance, just have a limit on any communications.