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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 868
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#101
It's amazing how much I question myself after my interactions with her.
There are so many things that are plausible, or possible, and maybe I said something wrong, maybe I misunderstood something that she said, or whatever. I feel guilty now for any assumptions I may have made about her intentions. |
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ArmorPlate108, Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,244
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#102
That’s called cognitive dissonance. That’s what happens when experiencing an ongoing toxic relationship.
Also self blaming can bring on a sense of control. |
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ArmorPlate108
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 868
11 97 hugs
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#103
I think you told me that before about self blame.
Thank you for reminding me. |
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Open Eyes
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Member
Member Since Mar 2022
Location: In the west
Posts: 436
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#104
Disordered people love vague/indirect communication. There's so much power in it. It's quite often how they get others to doubt themselves.
Even something as simple as deciding to order a pizza- you felt that they were on board, only to spend the next few days hearing about what a terrible experience it was, they didn't want it, and the ongoing misery is all your fault. Codependency recovery focuses a lot on learning/relearning direct, polite, and tactful communication just for your own sake of sanity. It boggles the mind how often you ask a simple question and get an answer that's vague and indirect- or one that just plain runs off into the weeds. I've learned to ask very specific questions AND expect very direct answers in return. Repeat as necessary until the answer is direct. Harder than you can imagine for some disordered people. Last edited by ArmorPlate108; Yesterday at 02:08 PM.. |
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eskielover, Open Eyes, unaluna
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 868
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#105
“Word salad”
If you experience it, you know. My wife told me she needed to talk one time and made a long, drawn out apology. I tried to speak several times but she instructed me to listen. It was about nothing. Nothing I’d ever had an issue with, nothing that mattered, and despite having the right tone and inflections, no content. It was like if someone from a completely different culture or language acted out an apology. When she was done she wanted my feedback. So I said, That’s not it at all. Nothing of what you said is what I’ve been talking about. Which just blew her mind. I didn’t even know it was a thing with a term until about six months ago |
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,244
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.5k hugs
given |
#106
A lot of people don’t know the term until
They see examples and learn that it’s mostly a person making statements that are just filling space and don’t really make sense. You walk away confused which exactly what is wanted. It’s a form of escape that toxic people use. Yes it’s confusing. |
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