My ex came to the house

I have no idea what to expect these days.

She could come at me, guns blazing, expecting everything under the sun when we go to court, and slander me in the process.

Or, the other extreme, she could be so scared of being exposed in court that she may drop pursuing things further.

She hasn’t finished anything she’s started since 2010. Not one single thing. She might lack the focus to see this through.

Anything between those extremes is possible.

We don't know. Uncharted territory. That is why we have a good lawyer & start building our walls & setting in place our boundaries that we base our own going forward in life on.

Yeah Eskie, you know what it’s like.

And I don’t know what’s true or what part of her thinking is dominant anymore.

She really did consume wine steadily daily for years.

That HAD to affect her thinking, perhaps the ability to focus and follow through.

But it’s also the alternate angry, powerful, helpless, motherly, party girl traits that are displayed.

So…. No clue what’s ahead.

I was puttering and cleaning the house today and found a ton of stuff.

I found a ton of prescription medications previously. Medications her doctors referenced in stuff she provided to the court to show she was unable to work. Years of them, filled and unused.

I found years of receipts and cheque books full of daycare payments, though she claimed in court the kids were home with her full time.

I found pay stubs from an accounting firm she worked at, and official transcript requests because they offered to apprentice her as an accountant.

When we separated I offered support. She declined it because she was certain she could take more.

This sucks.

But, my house is clean, comfortable and quiet, I’m done all my side contracts for now. I have multiple requests for my services in Jan and February and things are good.

I hope you saved prescription medications, and day care receipts to show your lawyer

But generally speaking courts don’t care why person didn’t work, was she watching kids or was the housewife. Everyone I know who was ordered to pay spousal support (including my own husband paying his ex), alimony was ordered simply because spouse wasn’t working at the time of divorce and some time before. Wasn’t matter why they didn’t work. Or they worked but made significantly less than their spouse

In your case though you are raising a kid (if only one is minor), and if she pays no child support all this time then I don’t see how they could demand you support her too!

I assume she contributes nothing towards raising her kid

No, she doesn’t contribute anything. I’ve assumed responsibility for all our debt too in the interim, and her health insurance is maintained through my work. She is seeking almost 50% of my after tax pay in monthly support.

She’s claimed her health issues have prevented her from being able to work. My lawyer is aware of all the unused prescriptions I’ve found.

It’s hard to live one day at a time and not worry about this.

I keep ending these posts the same way. Things are good today. My oldest is home this weekend welding a bumper for his truck in my garage. I’m hanging out with his kitten. It’s a good day.

I have to keep focusing on it that it’s a good day and not get too scared of what’s ahead.

RDM

You're doing a good job of continuing to live your life in spite of other things going on.

I've heard that special ops soldiers have a saying: "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable."

It's sad that sometimes that applies to daily life too, but there is a certain helpful acceptance in that. One day at at a time and eventually you find yourself somewhere else entirely- presumably somewhere better.

You're doing good- conducting yourself well, staying in your own lane, and expecting the same from her.

((((Hugs))))

Just using this as a diary

Wednesday my daughter was complaining about her hair, so I was able to get her an appointment at a salon on Thursday.

3” off, and layers. She loves it.

It’s getting cold here and it’s time for her to get some warmer clothes. Friday evening we went shopping and she got two new pairs of jeans she’s just in love with.

Her big brother came home Friday with a bunch of steel. I gave him about 2 hours of welding instruction and then left with daughter to go shopping

He spent all day Saturday and today building an off-road bumper for his old 4x4. It looks good! He did a great job especially for being so green at this.

We were at the neighbours for coffee yesterday morning. Daughter came shopping with me for new vinyl windows for the house Saturday afternoon. We got two. I’ll replace them next week or at least one of them.

I cut down two small trees in front of the house Saturday and cleaned up after.

Last night we all went to a board game cafe. Today I drove an hour to see an elderly family member. I was with her for five hours or so . Daughter went to visit a friend for the afternoon and evening. She washed her new clothes and cleaned the kitchen and bathroom for me.

I’m just heading to pick her up. Son just finished priming and painting his bumper.

Wonderful full weekend. Still sad though. Wish I had a partner.

RDMercer

RD, my parents went through a brutal divorce and terrible domestic violence that I grew up with. My bio dad was not a nice guy. I read these things you do for and with your daughter, and my eyes get all teary. I would have loved a dad like you who actually cares about my emotions and well being. She is very lucky to have you.