Issues with weight and so much else and comments from my parents

Hi all,

I've been having issues with my weight since puberty. I'm 5'7" and 20ish st. I am a happy, flambuoyant guy most of the time, but my mum consistently comments on my weight despite frequent requests from me not to. She says she "just can't see me wasting my life like this". I'm told by friends, "you're not that big", and similar comments when I ask for their honest opinion. Today I split one of my pairs of shorts, which I'd had for about 5 years and had worn pretty consistently during the warmer months. I'm autistic and struggle with regulation of my body heat so for me this tends to be from March to mid October.

Due to financial considerations, I feel like I'm still very much leashed to my mum even though I'm 27. I have autism so my mum is particularly protective of me. She doesn't feel the same about my twin brother who essentially pops over when he wants- he lives with his girlfriend about 10 miles away. Anyway, the shorts splitting made my mum fly off the handle a bit calling me all sorts of diminuitive though not sweary words. I have ascertained that I am 58.84% more likely to be overweight or obese through moderate research on recovery from a mental health crash during Coronavirus due to anxiety and game addiction issues.

I feel like due to my lack of control in some of the areas above, my mum views me as more of a child than my twin. I don't know what to do though as due to being in a relatively low paying job, I don't have the financial security that would allow me to move out. Sorry for venting, but does anyone have any answers that could alleviate or resolve even a fraction of these issues.

E x

I see you are in London, I’m assuming that’s the UK London. So I’m not sure if the uk has a disability work office where you could ask for more training for a higher wage job. Here in the USA we have a vocational training office for people with disabilities to become employed or better employed. Maybe you could check into that there or group homes with other disabilities where you’d not be living with your mom?

“Sorry for venting, but does anyone have any answers that could alleviate or resolve even a fraction of these issues.”

I think step 1 is identifying what you want.

What do you want?

To have your own place?

To have your mom not comment?

To lose weight?

To get a higher paying job?

Let’s pick 1-2 goals and help you start.

RDM

Since this trigger for your mother was the shorts splitting and they were 5 years old, would it not be a proactive step to look at the clothing you wear often to make sure it is sturdy enough for the stress of bending/stretching? A lot of clothing can't last 5 years, and perhaps if they had been replaced a couple of years ago they wouldn't have split. Also, are they the correct size? Are you the same size you were 5 years ago? That has some bearing on the incident that caused this latest flare-up.

I don't know what 20-ish stone is, but a good gauge of where you are health-wise would be a BMI calculator that takes your height and weight and converts it into a Body Mass Index. This is one from NHS. You can also discuss how healthy you are with a physician and this may assist in getting her to stop commenting if you are truly in good health.

Are you aged 18 or over? - Calculate your body mass index (BMI) for adults - NHS