Why does my dad have zero respect for boundaries & my feelings?

I just blocked the bleep bleep from my phone. He kept calling me & leaving long winded messages on my phone. I didn’t call him back but he never got the hint.

He is autistic, but despite being a member of Mensa, he has the emotional intelligence of a toddler.

For most of my life, I’ve been self conscious about my weight & looks. I was bullimic in my 20’s & 30’s. He knew that, but he’d still call me fat & he kept on giving me unsolicited diet advice for years.

I then made things extremely clear, to never ever mention the word diet, diabetes or oat bran or oatmeal or constipation again.

He then mailed me a letter nagging me about my weight right after that! Wth????

Why would he not respect my boundaries & my feelings? He tried to make everything about him again like how he was able to loose weight with some new medication.

I don’t care. The point is that I specifically told him to never ever talk aboit diets or weight loss with me as it’s very triggering.

He obviously doesn’t care about my feelings or the fact that I get triggered easily.

So I blocked his email for 6 months. I warned him about that. He tried emailing me sooner than that & I ignored him.

Now I blocked his number. He has nothing better to do than go on stupid rants.

He doesn’t drive anymore as he totaled the last teo cars. He hardly has any friends.

He’s nasty, narcissistic, a bully, has a bad temper, selfish, needs attention all the time, a liar, rude, thoughtless & immature too.

I don’t care if he’s my dad. You just don’t keep on harassing & bullying someone who is extremely insecure about their looks & weight.

My parents act like the only thing that they care about is how I look like. It’s insulting. They don’t seem to think that I have any other good qualities.

I should’ve cut them both out oy lige years ago. They’re horrible mentally & emotionally abusive parents who were never really there for me growing up.

I am sorry that you are in that situation and I can definitely relate to what you wrote from my own personal experience.

That your parents try to guilt and shame you constantly is just awful. It is especially horrible since they are attacking something that you are very sensitive about. That's really heartbreaking.

There is medical research that seems to indicate that not only is emotional abuse [such as body shaming] psychologically damaging but also that it causes damage to the brain by exposing the brain to corticosteroid hormones in excess.

The link seems to be that corticosteroids in excess damage both the brain's white and grey brain matter.

Sadly preliminary medical research is also tending to show that stress from adverse childhood experiences prevents a child's brain from developing properly [ACE Study].

Children who had certain types of adverse childhood experiences showed maldevelopment of regions of the brain as well as dysfunction in key processes such as regional cerebral blood flow and energy utilization [glucose metabolism].

Self-defense is one of nature's oldest laws and sometimes we have to go to great lengths to prevent further brain damage from abuse.

I had to set very hard boundaries with one of my abusive parents and somewhat softer boundaries with another for the sake of my mental health. Some people have to cut ties.

Just as we would not allow a loved one to beat us physically, so I believe we cannot allow a loved one to harm our brains.

My father, I believe had an undiagnosed serious mental illness. I could feel empathy for him in the sense that I think his illness profoundly affected his behavior, but at the same time, I had to protect myself too.

Sadly, some loss are necessary losses, I fear.

My heart goes out to you.

Sorry to hear about what you went through with your parents too. I think that you’re right about what you said.

I’ve never been a confident person & I’ll probably never be happy with the way that I look too unless I end up spending 100,000 plus on plastic surgery maybe.

I should’ve blocked my abusive dad & mom years ago. I hate them. They are very judgmental & critical & they never ever listen to anything I tell them, ugh!