Best way to forget someone and remove associations?

I’ve been trying to find the best way for my mind to stop having intrusive thoughts about an old friend and stop associating them with the city I currently live in. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Some back story… I had a very close friend during some formative years from the age of 16-18 back when I lived in Florida. She was like a sister to me at times. When I was 23 she had moved to Boston where she’s originally from and I tried to stay with her and move to Boston. She ended up flaking on me and we fell out and she asked me to leave so I wasn’t able to move to Boston. Fast forward to me being 33 and I ended up moving to Boston. She’s now married and has a child.

So I tried reconnecting with her and she sounded excited but then was flakey again and wouldn’t reply to my texts, kept forgetting our plans to meetup and kept pushing it off by a month, wouldn’t answer a phone call, etc. So I finally just gave up on her.

But now I get intrusive thoughts where my mind is wanting “closure” by seeing her one more time, I keep wondering if I did enough to salvage the friendship, and I keep associating Boston with her since she was involved in my first memories here.

Does anyone have any psychology tips on how I can remove her from my psyche and stop associating Boston with her? I’d appreciate it so much!!

Hello there! Welcome to the forum and to Boston! That is where I live too.



I have some thoughts for you. I am very straight forward and matter of fact. I hope it helps.

You did not move to Boston with her and have no memories of times in Boston with her, therefore, your move to Boston is your own adventure, not an adventure you share with her. This is your time to create your own new memories, meet new friends, and make a brand new life for yourself in a new city. It was 10 years ago that you planned to potentially move to Boston with her, so try to place that memory as a past memory and not something that is present day.

And it sounds like this woman is still the same. She flakes out. If you need closure, I suggest finding closure on this friendship on your own and then, letting it go. Things did not work out 10 years ago with the friendship, and it's not working out now either.

Bottom line: it sounds like she is not meeting your expectations in a friendship. That's your closure. She is not who you need and want her to be.

I had a very similar type of friendship that I had to cut loose earlier this summer for the same reasons. She flakes out, cancels plans, and flakes out on calling and replying to texts. The last straw for me was she canceled plans on me five days before a planned concert. I had bought us the tickets months before, and she promised to go with me. Well, she canceled as usual and rather last minute. I couldn't find anyone to take her place, I had to sell the tickets, and lost a good chunk of money in the process. I also had to miss seeing a favorite band! GRR. For me, that was the final straw. This was years in the making, but that was the end for me.

This was your final straw it seems too. You gave up on her. So, rather than beating a dead horse by continuing to pursue her, you're choosing to give up and walk away. That is your closure.

I am sure others on here will have other thoughts for you too, if this doesn't help any.

And by the way - you're coming to Boston at one of the best times of year - end of summer/early Fall. It's spectacular! Enjoy the beautiful weather this week - and soon it will be pumpkin, apple pie, pumpkin spiced coffee, and cider spiced donuts time! YUM!

In my experience, there's a process of acceptance and grieving that comes with letting go of any relationship.

You won't forget her, it's more like moving past and continuing on with your life.

Find a way to acknowledge that the relationship wasn't what you had hoped, and give yourself some time to process that- and whatever comes with it. It might be sadness or irritation, or a hundred other things. Feel them and acknowledge them as they come up. In time, what you had hoped would be, will be replaced with what actually was, and you probably won't miss her much anymore.

Time. The longer you have nothing to do with her, the more the memory of her will shrink in your mind. Do not try to meet with her one last time "for closure." She has made it clear that she does not value the friendship as much as you have. She is not encouraging you to come around, so you need to move on.

The mind can not think intently about two things at once. When your attention is absorbed by activities that really interest you, thoughts of her will receed into the background. When you find yourself obsessing over her, it's time to find some other interest to put your focus on. Let that become a habit.