High school student who cannot handle criticism and blames teacher

I teach a student who all year, has had a poor, sour attitude towards me which has made it really hard to form a connection. I’m talking eye rolls, talking back and not accepting constructive feedback.

Recently, the student got their assessment result back on an essay. They did not do well, but insisted they should have got 20% higher, even when I pointed out the flaws and where they could have improved.

They felt the need to be a bit honest too, making remarks that insinuated how their previous history teacher was better. Also made a remark that I do not handle conflict situations properly, using a scenario where another student erupted into hysterics and this particular student in question blamed me and said I tried to humiliate the hysterical student.

Their comment also led to them stating that I was condescending when I asked her if she was okay, during the assessment when I sensed she was about to have a breakdown. Based on a previous experience, this student is prone to severe anxiousness during assessments and all I was doing was making sure they were okay.

They made some comment about how I engage in inappropriate conversation with the male students and when asked about a scenario where this has occurred, the student mentioned when some of the boys teased their friend about having a girlfriend and I encouraged it.

Apparently they’re on the spectrum with autism but I really need some advice on how to approach this? I have the urge to put this student in their place because I’m quite done with their lack of respect for professional decisions made by me, and constantly not taking accountability for being incorrect. This amongst other comments have infuriated me at the way this student has treated me, as a teacher and professional.

How do I put her in her place without looking like an emotionally immature adult that can’t hold everything together? It’s really upset me today and has made me furious at how toxic and malevolent this person is.

It’s not your job to “put a student in their place.” This is my 40th year of teaching, and my best advice is to stop worrying about what a teenager thinks of you. Honestly, some are just not kind people (just like the rest of the world).

It’s important to try to make connections with students, but the reality is that they don’t all want to make connections with us. Sometimes respectful space is as good as it gets with certain students. It’s not personal; they just have other issues on their minds. Give them space and then catch them being successful. It can completely change the dynamic with them.

We all have that one student who is surly and combative, and what actually makes it worse is letting them know they are getting to you.

I’ve learned to be very boundaried about what I will accept from students, and the one thing I won’t accept is abuse. I also learned decades ago not to engage in arguments with teenagers. They love it if they can pull you into argument mode, but I simply will not go there.

So, when I have a student who tries, I absolutely cut them off, privately remind them of my classroom expectation, and move on.

As far as questioning your assessments, be sure you are using a well-constructed rubric for scoring that clearly defines what you are grading for and how points are awarded. I go as far as teaching my students to assess their own performance using the rubric before I do so they take ownership of the requirements of the assignment. Without a good rubric it can be hard to concretely justify your assessments. I find students rarely question my grading because I am completely transparent ahead of time about what I am grading for, and the rubrics keep me honest and consistent.

Beyond that, if you have a decent school guidance counselor or administrator who you can bounce this off of, sometimes a group meeting to air the issues and reinforce expectations can be helpful.

It’s hard, but put your energy into the other majority of your students who are needing your support and not draining your emotional energy.It’s easy to get sucked into the drama of that one student to the detriment of the rest of the class, the learning environment, and your own sanity.

You don't have to like every student. Every student doesn't have to like you. The student you describe may be immature. Dealing with immature behavior is part of your job. You are dealing with kids, after all. This particular kid really gets under your skin. I don't think you getting angry with this kid will improve anything. Try to maintain a professional tone.

Trying to diagnose this girl as autistic is really not your place. It sounds as if she genuinely dislikes you. That's her perogative. I think you have to become okay with that.

If this is high school, then your students did not volunteer to be in your class. They are compelled by the law and their parents to be there. So that can lay the groundwork for resentment in some students' minds. Maybe the other history teacher was better than you. This student is trying to blame you for her not getting the grade she wanted. That's immature on her part. But I don't know that it rises to the level of "malevalence."

Saying you want to "put her in her place" does have a condescending ring to it. It sounds like this is more a matter of your pride being hurt. A power-struggle with this kid will get you nowhere. Is this student a person who gets along well with peers? Or is this an awkward kid with few or no friends. This kid probably has a problem that has nothing to do with you. Teaching kids is a tough profession. You need to be sensitive to them, while also having a very thick skin. It must be challenging.