Why does my client keep assuming that I’m also autistic?

I work as a care giver. A recent client told me that she & ‘everyone’ I’ve met so far thinks that too.

She has no filter unlike me. So the chances of me being autistic are slim I also don’t have issues with textures, crowds or noise although both do annoy me, I can tolerate both OK

I don’t have executive functioning issies too. What’s weird is that a friend of hers who literally saw me for 2 minutes said that I’m autistic

Wth? I made eye contact with him & said hi & then he said, I heard so much about you. I was leaving as my shift ended so I said goodbye after a few minutes as I was tired. I mentioned that I was tired & that it was nice to meet him.

She might’ve mentioned some unflattering things about me as she can hardly keep any information to herself.

Why would he think that of me? I’m shy, but I was friendly, so perhaps he mistook that for being on the spectrum? lol

She said that I have a lisp too & that I sound autistic also, ugh!

No one has accused me of being autistic before this Well, I think a couple people on here may have thought that just because I tend to be straightforward

I also misunderstand what people say sometimes, but we all do that at times

I’m perplexed & insulted tbh

I share some traits with autistic people like:

Being sensitive

I don’t always deal with stressful situations well

It also took me awhile to learn that people often say & do certain things just to be polite . Ex: Let’s hang out again soon.

I sometimes don’t get subtle hints, but again, o one gets subtle hints all the time.

I get definite hints like when people are distracted, they’re bored with the conversation.

I don’t have any issues with people who are autistic btw.

She didn’t say anything about her parents or her other friend thinking that I’m autistic too . As far as I know, he is the only person who has told her that.

So that’s weird to how she said that everyone thinks that I’m autistic.

I’d appreciate any insight into this.

I would be insulted too. I am not a combative person but if someone said I was autistic I would ask: "What medical schools have you attended and received degrees from?"

I hope you will get over the rudeness of these clueless people. My heart goes out to you!

People who read a Wikipedia article or watch an episode of talk TV often feel as though they are qualified to diagnose people or label people with mental health terms.

A recent trend among some psychologists is to question the growing proliferation of derogatory mental health labels.

Too many psychological categories ruins the purpose of having labels since the result will be that everyone is mentally ill. It is like: "You have x psychological disorder, subcategory 2452." Hello!

There is something that few people talk about outside the clinical psychology profession. It is the fact that well-qualified, well-meaning and well-experienced therapists often disagree on a diagnosis. One will say: "You have x." Another might say: "You don't have x, you have y."

Since professionals can disagree on these things, what gives the average person the arrogance to declare that someone has a mental illness?

In the early years of psychology it was a widely held belief that mental illness was ultimately psychological traits that caused a person to be unemployed or unemployable.
The goal of psychotherapy was to enable to person with certain traits and habits to be employable again.

That was where the bar was set. Here's a person experiencing some distress in their life? Can that person, in spite of their distress, still go work day after day. If they couldn't, they were considered mentally ill.

Does any of this prove helpful to you or have I completely missed the points you were making?

Thanks . I literally saw that giy for 2 minutes tops when I was tired. Ugh! You’re right about what you said. Only a medical professional can offer an accurate diagnosis.

I let it go because she is autistic . He just has ADHD though So he was rude. My client can’t help bring inappropriate at times. She has enough self awareness to regret blurting things out at times that she should keep to herself.

I might get a diagnosis in the near future. I don’t think that I’m autistic though. I tend to gave social anxiety, I can be a bit straightforward & impaitent too, but I don’t fit the criteria all the way.

Like the other Yaowen mentioned, because of social media, a lot of people are self diagnosing and then diagnosing others. Narcissist and sociopath are buzzwords these days.

My mom has undiagnosed autism, it severely negatively affected my childhood, so I got extremely triggered the one time someone suggested I have it. I understand why you're rubbed the wrong way.

Have you seen a therapist? Autism has many overlapping traits (comorbidities) with other diagnoses. And, in the end, maybe you are just shy. I think everyone has to "learn" that "Let's hang out some time" does not always actually mean let's hang. And other such niceties. Just because you have traits that autistic people have doesn't mean you have it. There are very specific traits you HAVE to exhibit in order to qualify as autistic according to the DSM. For example there may be 15 autism traits total, but 3 of them you have to have to qualify. Hope that makes sense. Only a professional can diagnose you and it's SUPER annoying to get dx'd by a rando.

Sorry to hear about your mom. I didn’t realize that specific criteria is needed to ne officially diagnosed.

So, how did having an autistic mom affect you?

I’m definitely introverted, shy, quirky (like I dress a bit different than most people in my area) that’s not necessarily a sign of autism though. A lot of people think that I have a great sense of style.

I also have some social anxiety & I get stressed out easily. I’m a sensitive person but I don’t have any other autistic traits like sesitivity to food, noise, clothing or lighting.

Not being the most socially savvy person out there & not outgoing & confident means that someone is autistic.

Autistic mom meant 0 emotional support. In fact the opposite - emotional abuse, neglect and having to support her instead, walking on eggshells so she didn't have a meltdown and retaliate. Not being able to go to her for emotional regulation which as we know is crucial for kids. She would say my tears were manipulating her into feeling bad, to go away and stop crying. Because of her lack of emotional intelligence, she couldn't be there for me, got overwhelmed and hurt me instead. She cannot see out of her emotional sphere and has very little empathy for others, except in very specific contexts.

Boy, there's a lot I could go into there - I've retyped that 3 times to try and make it shorter! That's a 10,000 ft view.

Congrats on standing out with your sense of style - that's always such a nice compliment, especially when you're stepping outside of the norm!! May I ask what styles youre into? And how it differs? Im picturing like, alternative in a sea of midwestern carhartt...

From what I know, social anxiety has a lot of overlaps with autism. People now associate awkwardness = autism. Not true at all. And, youre lacking the sensory overload symptoms, which I think most if not all autistic people deal with.

Sounds like your client(?) wants someone in the same boat as her, and youre an easy target because youre quiet, anxious and quirky. My autistic friend tried to dx me with autism too when she first got diagnosed.

Sorry, Im a yapper!

Hi @jesyka, I sense that this upsets you -- I'm sorry about that.

There's a lot to reply to here. Let me start with agreeing with @Yaowen who wrote,If you can carry out activities of daily living, you don't get the DX.

But I wonder, why be insulted? This might be an idea to explore. I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, and I really don't want to upset you (nor you, Yaowen), but taking insult suggests to me that you feel there's something bad or undesirable about autism.

My daughter was DXed at age 3.5 years. The behavior that led us to seek evaluation was OCD. Perhaps it's because I might be "on the spectrum" that I didn't find her quirky, detached behaviors to be anything significant.

And because it's a spectrum, it may be that nearly all of us have some very minor autistic tendencies at some point. Maybe these tendencies will be more apparent when we're tired, hungry or stressed.

I'll stop here. Maybe I stepped over the line. I hope not. Peace

Sorry to hear about your mom. My dad is autistic & a narc. My mom is the biggest nag & has a paranoid delusional disorder probably.

I went no contact with them but I have not completely severed ties with them yet.

The meltdowns are awful. Maybe try to avoid being around your mom or talking to her as much as possible.

As far as my style goes, I’m a bit alternative. My sytle consists of artsy looking stuff from festivals, goth, bohemian & stuff from the Express, Macy’s, Old Navy & boutiques.

I kind of stand out in a mostly conservative environment. I have colored hair too.

No tattoos or piercings though. That’d be to painful for me to get. They’re cool though.

You don’t talk to much btw. My client probably wants me to be like her. She advises me on what to eat as she tries to eat healthy usually.

I still like her in spite of what she thinks about me being autistic too.

It did upset me. I guess it’s because I’ve been called weird most of my life. Most people think anything that’s weird is bad. I think that maybe I just don’t know how to read people that well at times.

I can do stuff like drive & run errands just fine. Since I worked this job, I noticed that almost no autistic people drive. My client used to drive, but she wasn’t good at it

I was bullied most of my life since I was 11 up until I was 51 from peers, my family, some former supervisors & coworkers & some people online too.

When you got your daughter diagnosed, how much did everything cost you? How many tests were done?

You didn’t step over the line btw.

Hi Jesyka, I agree with Yaowen too, I think there’s a tendency for people to label/diagnose others sometimes in a way that didn’t happen years ago (not in my memory).

How are things with you client now? Is she still labelling you? I can see it might be awkward as she’s your client but would it be acceptable to draw a boundary along the lines of - I don’t want to discuss this thanks?

Thanks. Everything is great. She’s been a bit less judgy now, kind of. We ger along great. We talk like friends almost, at least I do.

I definitely need to maintain boundaries with her as she has no issues giving me advice & asking me questions about my sex life.

I know that she doesn’t know any better, so I just say sorry, it’d be inappropriate for me to discuss with you for professional reasons.

I’m friendly but I know that some boundaries shouldn’t be crossed in a professional work environment.

She thinks that I have a good work ethic. I think that she just probably have issues with boundaries at times.

She is smart & more self aware then some of my clients whuch is good. She tends to respect boundaries when you set them.

She is an open book who makes me laugh at times. I like my job now.

I understand that her intent isn’t malicious. I do know that she’s a bit inquisitive though.

I don't remember -- this happened more than twenty years ago.

I do remember that there was a long waiting list just to find someone to diagnose her. She was transferred out of regular pre-school to attend a special pre-school that had "neurotypical peers" that was free because it was part of the town's public education system.

They also did other therapies, including speech therapy and physical therapy. Later on, her IEP included a pull out for a Social Skills group and summer school.

The things we paid for were occupational therapy, hippotherapy, AIT, supplements (which were the most effective IMO).

The prevailing thought was that insurance would not cover Autism itself because it's considered untreatable and incurable. However, they would cover the "comorbidities" such as therapy for social anxiety, depression, anxiety, etc.

You mentioned that you might seek a diagnosis. May I ask why?

Here's a different reply to your first post:

I remember being upset when kids thought I was gay and taunted me about it. I guess it was the taunting that really bothered me. Back then (late 1970s) gays were made fun of, BTW.

Anyway, remembering this helped me relate better to your post. I mean today, if someone asks if I'm gay, I can shrug it off.

Hi, my client has ADD, & autism. She can’t help not being able to control what she says at times. She does try though.

Sorry to hear that getting a diagnosis was difficult . My dad is autistic & I’ve had a lot of trouble relating to most people I guess.

Sorry to hear that. I’ll keep that in mind.

It's become trendy for everyone to diagnose everyone else. People should leave diagnostics to the professionals. It's not as simple as looking at a list of criteria and seeing what boxes can be ticked. Your client and her circle of people she talks with are bored with their lives and have found some entertainment value in thinking they can analyze you. It has given them something to talk about.

Don't feed into it, and please don't assign any credibility to what these knuckleheads have come up with. Don't even argue with them. They are being foolish and rude. If someone said that to me, I might say, "Yeah, that could be true." and immediately change the subject. Do not be drawn into discussions about this. Even if you really were autistic, that would not be an appropriate topic of conversation between your client and you. You are with her to do your job and provide a service. That should be the focus.

The "spectrum" has been expanded to include way more people than it used to, which I think is causing confusion. We now have famous celebrities broadcasting that they are autistic. I have my doubts about whether broadening the definition is a good thing. Originally autism was a severe developmental disability. Now it gets applied to anyone who is not perfectly smooth in social situations. I doubt that's a valid way of looking at ASD.

Hmm, I wonder if maybe you've adopted some of your dad's mannerisms, and these folks are misinterpreting the mannerisms as autistic behavior.

But anyway, thank you. It's all in the past, except for my daughter, who still has to navigate in the neurotypical world.

You’re right about what you said. Her & her friends are bored. My client definitely has issues with boundaries.

I have to set them with her at times. Nothing is to personal for her.

Idk. I’m kind of inpatient & I get frustrated easily. I can’t handle stressv that well.