FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
Member
Member Since Sep 2024
Location: Tucson,AZ
Posts: 26
(SuperPoster!)
|
#1
My name is Brian.
My fiancée is bipolar. We are planning on getting married soon, but we have a serious problem that I need help with. We are 100% committed to each other and ready to start our lives together, but she has a major fear of change. I've studied bipolar and I'm aware of this issue, and greatly sympathise with her problem. However, it seems to be a roadblock in our progress. Everytime she gets the courage to move in with me, fear takes over and she backs out at the last minute. This has happened several times over the last year. As I am aware of the issues bipolar people have, I have been very patient, but we need help. What advice can you give her that might help her make the final push to move in and begin our lives together? I love her and am willing to help in any way possible. Her name is Genevieve, and if you post a response, I will direct her to this forum and your answers. Thank you in advance! |
Reply With Quote |
Member
Member Since Sep 2024
Location: Ukraine
Posts: 85
(SuperPoster!)
195 hugs
given |
#2
I am no doctor, but first this that comes to mind: do not move together. Do everything like you live together, until she does the move by herself and not as a response to your push.
|
Reply With Quote |
iheartjacques, Rose76
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2024
Location: Tucson,AZ
Posts: 26
(SuperPoster!)
|
#3
|
Reply With Quote |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,789
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,292 hugs
given |
#4
She might not need or want help and her not wanting/not being ready to move in together might have nothing to do with having bipolar disorder.
Plenty of people with bipolar disorder live with their partners so honestly I don’t think it’s a feature of the disorder, it’s not common. Perhaps her doubts are due to something else We total strangers cant really tell someone we don’t know to move in with a man. When are you getting married and how long you’ve been engaged or knew each other? |
Reply With Quote |
ogyogm, Rose76
|
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,215
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,677 hugs
given |
#5
@brian10x, does you fiancee plan on moving in with you after you are married? What are your marriage plans? Perhaps she wants to wait? Is she more traditional? Maybe a candid conversation about what is holding her back would help? I agree that it cannot be forced, but it's odd since she does plan on marrying you.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Reply With Quote |
ogyogm
|
Magnate
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: world
Posts: 2,194
10 373 hugs
given |
#6
sorry, but she's the only one who can seek help or make that decision, we can't do that for her
|
Reply With Quote |
ogyogm, Rose76
|
Member
Member Since Sep 2024
Location: Ukraine
Posts: 85
(SuperPoster!)
195 hugs
given |
#7
Quote:
But how come you can't do things together on such a mature stage of relationship with 100% mutual commitment and marriage plans? What 128 miles have even to do with it? Do shopping together. Come to each one's house and share chores. Pick up each other after work. That's just from the top of my head. You yourself should have more relevant list of possibilities. Living together is not about sex. Are you sure the relationship is healthy partnership and not you exploiting your fiancée? |
|
Reply With Quote |
eskielover
|
Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,124
11 |
#8
Quote:
Your fiancee(?) is not a diagnosis and not all "bipolar people" or "bipolar people issues" are the same. The best support you could offer her is guide her to mental health support, for her sake not for yours. Only she can work on her issues, with support - not by making her do what you want. |
|
Reply With Quote |
eskielover, ogyogm
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 24,917
(SuperPoster!)
19 14.8k hugs
given |
#9
Maybe she is having second thoughts & not saying anything until she really knows. Better NOT to commit to living together until totally sure. She has a right to work through whatever is causing her not to want to live together at this point. Pushing may totally drive her away & bipolar most likely has nothing to do with it
__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
Reply With Quote |
ogyogm
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,789
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,292 hugs
given |
#10
Going by what you posted on your other thread, this lady is married to someone else. Not separated or in the process of divorce but actually living with her husband. I am not sure you can be engaged or marry people who are already married. So she needs to take care of her situation by finishing first marriage if that’s what she wants.
|
Reply With Quote |
eskielover, Molinit, Open Eyes
|
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,246
(SuperPoster!)
13 21.5k hugs
given |
#11
Sounds like it’s you that needs the help tbh. If this woman is still married and living with her husband you may be nothing more than an ego boost when she is feeling low.
When there are problems in a relationship it’s important to step back and look at it realistically. Otherwise you are wasting time imagining something that simply doesn’t exist. |
Reply With Quote |
Albatross2008, eskielover
|
Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 867
8 91 hugs
given |
#12
You're spinning your wheels here. Please do not sit and wait around for her to resolve her marital relationship. You could be in the same place 10 years from now.
Tell her when she gets her legal work done to check back with you and if you aren't in another relationship you can consider restarting one with her. |
Reply With Quote |
Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,471
(SuperPoster!)
14 56.1k hugs
given |
#13
I hope you have not sent her money. You know nothing about her except what she claims from long distance. I urge you to get a therapist and talk to a real person about real relationships.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
Reply With Quote |
divine1966
|
Reply |
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Forum | |||
My fiancée :( | Depression | |||
Need help with my fiancee | Relationships & Communication | |||
Fiancee and I both have BP | Partners of People & Caregivers Support | |||
my fiancee's son | Relationships & Communication | |||
My fiancee lied to me | Relationships & Communication |