being upfront and honest with a friend

I have this old friend. She is absolutely crazy about activity A (it does not matter what the activity is so I will use cryptic language).

She has invited me to her meetups where she conducts activity A with people. Over the years, I have gone twice. Probably once ten years ago and once this year. I found the activity very boring and it does not engage me, even though in general this is supposed to be a very engaging activity. But, not for me.

In 2022, while away on business, I went with my team to a professional performance of activity A. It was mind blowing. But when two years later I went, again, to the amateur meet-up in activity A led by my friend, I was bored. I would be interested in going to a professional performance again if it were offered in my area, perhaps with my friend, but I do not want any amateur meetups.

My adult son who knows this friend, and with whom I shared this, understands my POV and would also find activity A boring even though it is supposed to be spectacular and amazing. So I am not alone.

Last time I emailed this friend was in August. It was about some mutual connection of ours. The friend, once again, invited me to her weekly meetup. I said that I was busy because I was doing a big home / Public Storage organization project. It was true, but the project is approaching completion and I still do not want to go to the (boring for me, exciting for her) meetup but want to do other things with her. I find her lovely and cherish the length of my knowing her and she is one of the few friends who also lives very close to me, and I would like to visit or have her over at my place or do something else but no more meetups, thank you.

I have been thinking about it today while driving and the only solution I see is to tell her upfront, honestly, that I do not enjoy activity A at all. But, would like to do other things with her. Such as having her over at my soon to be perfectly organized apartment.

I am not used to being upfront in a negative way and as I was growing up, I received a lot of "training" in white lies and making people feel good about themselves for the sake of social cohesion and good manners. But at this point this training does not serve me well and I would like to try being upfront in this otherwise very safe, minor situation. I think this will help me find a way to socialize with my friend without internally yawning from boredom AND develop some useful skills to supplement the deep seated reliance on white lies.

Ideas how to approach this situation?

But you DO enjoy activity A when performed on a professional basis, just not at an amateur level. I would hope she would welcome hearing about your good experience. Bowling? Theatre? Origami?

I would like bowling. I will offer it to her. Theatre, I have invited her a few times but she would always be busy. I will try again though, and with giving her more of a lead time. Origami, I have not considered but why not??

So you would suggest that I share with her my good experience seeing activity A on a professional level, but also mention that I do not want to go to her meetups?

“Sorry I really don’t want to go to the meetup but I miss hanging out with you. Would you have time and be open to going to XYZ or doing XYZ with me?”

I’d not tell her that her activity is boring for you or that you saw a better event. It doesn’t even matter that you and someone else find activity boring but others enjoy it. There doesn’t need to be a particular reason not to do something like this.

Google "Radical Candor". It's what you're seeking and is essentially what others advice here.