Reset Support!

So the biggest, most embarrassing thing that could happen- DID and it was like a switch for me that something has to change. My partner and I had a dispute at a family get together which NEVER happens because we try and keep it private and unfortunately, we were having some drinks and things felt wayyy too loose and just literally tears and **** hit the fan and if you can imagine your family being there and the most shameful argument/ reaction happened; I am still trying to get over this and figure out how to not guilt myself through the entire thing, worrying about what my family thinks now.

Have you ever had just every emotion pour out of you at the wrong time and place? Like I am just high with anxiety about the whole thing- I just have no other safe space to vent this out to.

Leading into the root of our issues:
My partner and I have been very very much struggling with connectivity and communication. It has become way to much of an emotional overload that I feel like it's constant animosity between us, triggered easily, ultimatum words, and just pure frustration. Leading obviously to a lack of physical/ emotional connection; anyone else just feel on completely different wave lengths!!?
I am reaching out because I am just stuck in my own head, we both have stressors, which doesn't help the situation because we both are very emotionally heightened people that feed off each other. But at the end of the day we are in love and want to be together. I just don't know how to reset and get back on a healthy communication path; any suggestions?

Maybe seek out an outstanding, very qualified marriage counselor?

I am not good at this because I got so fed up I left cause I had no desire to stay & work anything out after 33 years of dealing with him.....but I know when both love each other things can be worked through but sometimes it does take a neutral outsider in therapy to help

Thank you; I appreciate the non judgement too

If it’s too hard, with a lot of arguments, and too much work there’s a compatibility issue. Plain and simple. It does take some work but shouldn’t be a constant struggle. If it is, cut ties.

If there is love and you want to be together then both of you need to make that a priority when you interact. Be more intentional in your responses to each other to avoid conflicts etc.

Every time you guys erupt, you are showing that you are not committed to the goal of being together and sharing love. It is not enough to say you want to be together. You both have to actively work on it.

Thank you so so much for this!! It really makes sense.

You will recover from the embarrassment. Your much bigger problem is this relationship that is causing you so much frustration and distress. Being in love is not sufficient reason to stay with someone. I know it seems like the very best reason to stay with someone. It's not. Love, by itself, is not enough. Ask yourself if this is what you want your future to be like.

Maybe, with counseling, the two of you might find a better way to relate. That would require him wanting change also. Unfortunately, I would not bet much on that happening. But love will try everything before it gives up. What do you see as the main problem driving the dysfunction that erupted in front of family? Surely, you have done a lot of thinking and have some insight by now.