Feeling over it

Hello. First time making a post. I've been married for a number of years. We've had a few children together. The last several years (on amd off) my husband has been cheating on me with the same woman. It's very hurtful when he don't want to let me go but yet still go back to this other woman once I've let my guard down. It's very embarrassing knowing he takes this woman out in public, and around his friends like she means the world to him and we hardly spend any quality time together. The very mention of divorce sends him into "husband" mode and I can't take it. I've forgiven him, and he gets caught. I'll forgive him and he gets caught, but he swear up and down he don't love this woman... that's a lie. He claims he doesn't want to lose his family over this and he knows how bad he has messed up. Well the truth is, I can quote these lines backwards and forwards because I've heard it all before. I don't want to be alone, I wanted to make it work with my husband, and I dont want to leave my house. It's easy for someone to tell me to just leave if I'm fed up... I would not choose to struggle just because my feelings are hurt. I have children to think about, and other things in my life that I don't want to throw everything away just yet. I'm actually just here to vent and cry and scream. It feels like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder like what is doing, is he talking back to her, has he visited her. None of it matters at this point because I've checked out of the marriage and planning to leave eventually... just getting my ducks in a row, and getting the nerve to go through with it because they'll be no turning back once it's done.

How on earth can he stop you from leaving?! If you want to leave, leave. It is not up to him. That is *your* decision.

You have to decide what you want for yourself: you either choose to stay with a husband you *know* will keep cheating (as his actions keep proving to you) and make peace with that OR you show yourself AND YOUR KIDS the self-respect you deserve and leave.

Children are not happier when mom-dad stay together at all costs. What you are actually teaching them by staying is that it is okay for daddy to cheat and disrespect mom. Your daughter(s) will learn that it is acceptable for their husbands to cheat on them and they should just accept it & your son(s) will learn that it is okay to cheat on their wives and disrespect them. Is that the example you want to leave your kids?

This woman does mean a lot yo your husband. And it seems that what you find particularly hurtful and probably humiliating is precisely that he lets the world know that this woman means a lot to him. It is not a clandestine affair for him: no, he takes her to outings with his friends. So he essentially prefers leading a life where he has a wife who is the mother of his children and whom hr spends little time with and a steady mistress whom he does spend quality time with and who socializes with his friends. If you do not like this life situation and have financial means to live independently from him, proceed to taking steps towards divorce in consultation with a reputable family law attorney. If this is not a realistic possibility, accept the reality "as is", do not go into these futile repeated cycles you described in your post. Your husband will not stop seeing that other woman.