Has anyone ever helped you?

Lostislost · Nov 03, 2024, 01:13 PM

I feel like so many people get help from all different people in their life.

I have had to do pretty much everything on my own. Even when I was doing the worst things, openly, and making terrible decisions, no one that knows me had the guts to tell me that I would regret it later. They didn’t even try. To anyone out there that’s ever really taken action and actively helped anyone, you are amazing. I wish I knew people like that.

Blueowl · Nov 03, 2024, 03:43 PM

Sometimes - not always.

On occasion, advice is not helpful. Sometimes, people have offered unrequested advice because they wanted to control me, not necessarily because they had my well-being in mind.

I've gotten better at asking for it too - sometimes, people don't know you need help.

Regardless, I don't find it to be a badge of honor to say that I did everything on my own. Because, in reality, no one did. But I feel some people use that excuse to not help others.

The way I see it is I own my mistakes. I don't regret following other people's advice because that can also lead to regret. Had I done that, I'd be in a miserable place.

Maybe my response is not helpful... it's my perspective.

But... I've seen people who are in families where people help each other out. I never had that. In a way, I wished I did, but not much I can do about it so I don't dwell on it.

Tart Cherry Jam · Nov 03, 2024, 06:08 PM

I have been in your situation, Lostislost. I would not necessarily say that people did not have thr guts to warn me. Rather, they either did not care enough even though they purported to care very much, or, they weren't intelligent enough to realize what was going on, or, they simply wanted me to suffer, perhaps subconsciously, through envy, jealousy or other long harbored grudges.

Some of the negative consequences of those times long past are still with me. But overall, I have charted a really good path for myself and people I care deeply about and now am surrounded by those who do help and whom I help, too. So it is about having the right people on your social orbit.

Lostislost · Nov 04, 2024, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam

I have been in your situation, Lostislost. I would not necessarily say that people did not have thr guts to warn me. Rather, they either did not care enough even though they purported to care very much, or, they weren't intelligent enough to realize what was going on, or, they simply wanted me to suffer, perhaps subconsciously, through envy, jealousy or other long harbored grudges.

Some of the negative consequences of those times long past are still with me. But overall, I have charted a really good path for myself and people I care deeply about and now am surrounded by those who do help and whom I help, too. So it is about having the right people on your social orbit.

Thank you, I have been trying to connect with the right people for years, but no one sticks. I had a baby 3 years ago and everyone I thought was my friend just disappeared. I hope I don’t die without making a friend.

Tart Cherry Jam · Nov 04, 2024, 09:40 AM

Oh that is terrible! And to be abandoned in such a vulnerable position, when raising a yonh child (alone?)

Lostislost · Nov 04, 2024, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tart Cherry Jam

Oh that is terrible! And to be abandoned in such a vulnerable position, when raising a yonh child (alone?)

I live with my partner, but we work opposite shifts as we have no family to help with childcare. I was so hopeful for the people that were excited for me, they called themselves aunties before he was even born but they never showed up.

I have tried to make friends in playgroups, and the mums at nursery, but none seem interested. It drives me mad that I don’t know why. The only person that has asked to meet up was a kids dad, and I didn’t trust their intentions. Anyway I’ll stop rambling on, thank you for replying to my thread.

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