[Lostislost]

Someone gives you a gift (family or friend)

You think wow they chose this for me because they think I would love it that’s so nice
Or that somehow it relates to me, in their eyes
So nice
Then 2 years later they give you THE SAME DAMN GIFT so obviously it was never about me then?

They just have some room of gifts somewhere that they stock up on ready to give out for birthdays

I’d rather just not get a gift at all
Why do they do it

Also I should’ve known because these people don’t even talk to me the rest of the year

I just want to know who I am

[CANDC]

Those family obligations can be a drag.. My family got to the point where we gave gift certificates or checks . Eventually we stopped giving fits of any kind.

It was so stressful for me that I had to stop basing my self concept on what others gave me or did not give me on holidays. It was less stressful after that.

CANDC

[If you want me to see your reply to this post please tag me by including @CANDC in your message - not in requoting my message and not the first word of your message]

[unaluna]

I agree with candc. You know who you are when you realize the gift was not meant for you. I think you are being generous in thinking these persons personally acquire the gifts. I think my mother and i were simply regifted the inlaws' duds.

[divine1966]

I think it depends on what is the gift. I give my nephew same gift every year and it most certainly about him, not me.

Do you like the gift you get every year?

[Discombobulated]

I agree with CANDC, I don’t take anything too seriously with gifts these days. I have one friend who is great but isn’t a great gift selector, it’s okay, it’s their friendship that’s important.

My mum I don’t think has ever liked anything I’ve bought her, it doesn’t matter how hard I try it never pleases her. I still confess it hurts me a little, because I’m projecting something onto this one aspect.

The trick is to let it go I think.

But on the other hand if there are other things in these relationships which makes you feel unvalued then maybe you need to look at that.

[Lostislost]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it depends on what is the gift. I give my nephew same gift every year and it most certainly about him, not me.

Do you like the gift you get every year?

Not really. In the beginning I liked it, I never got meaningful gifts from my family. My partners family gave me books, usually poems or something and I thought wow they know me? But then they would give the same books again. It’s been 20 years and I have 5 copies of some of them. They clearly have a stash of books that they just use for gifts, and it’s not personal at all. I just wish it was I guess.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Lostislost

Not really. In the beginning I liked it, I never got meaningful gifts from my family. My partners family gave me books, usually poems or something and I thought wow they know me? But then they would give the same books again. It’s been 20 years and I have 5 copies of some of them. They clearly have a stash of books that they just use for gifts, and it’s not personal at all. I just wish it was I guess.

Oh my they must have no memory of getting you the same book. 5 same books? It’s crazy.

I doubt they have stash of same books to give away every year. It’s so highly unusual.