[Locust]

My cousin and I were just discussing how we hated hearing about people getting married or having kids- no offense to anyone here....for the most part, we mean people we know offline, particularly people around our age. For instance, it didn't bother me to see someone on here saying they were having a child. It's just that my mother always tells me about people we know that I grew up with or that are around my age, etc. getting married or pregnant, etc. It always bothers me because I know I'll never be married, I feel bitter and hurt when it comes to love, and I may never have kids. My cousin is 18 and has never dated and says the same thing bothers her. Also, we both agreed that we hate being asked if we're dating anyone, if we're married, or anything of that nature.

Not long after my boyfriend of nearly 4 and a half years left me, someone asked me if I was married. When I said no, they looked at my mother and said, "Well, you'll always have that one with ye." I didn't say it, but I thought that was rude, even if it was true.

My mother says she wants to see me have a normal life and she sees these other girls getting married, having kids, graduating college, getting jobs, buying cars and homes, etc. The thing is, yes it is my fault about college, the job, the material things, etc., but why does she have to throw up the kids and the marriage?! *Sighs*

Also, for some reason, she makes comments fairly often about men. I asked to use her cell recently and she joked that she didn't know, she might better not, cause I might be going to call a man. Then she joked today- cause I'm goin for a few days to Texas- that I might be lookin for a cowboy down there. Some other man also said something about betting I had a lot of boyfriends and on V-DAY, even though I was at a political event several people told the girls happy V-Day. Also, my mom's fiance sometimes commetns when I'm a little dressed up and leaving the house that I must have a date- yeah, right. I'll never have another real date. Don't these people understand that this upsets me?! Sometimes I just want to tell people that I don't ever want to hear jokes about my imaginary boyfriends they conjure up, or me man-hunting, or getting married, or getting dressed up to attract men, or anything else, and that I don't want to be asked about my romantic or sexual life, and I don't want to hear about that of everyone I've ever known.

There are more things I hate being asked or told about, but right now, I want to know- what bothers you? What do you hate being asked? What do you hate being told?

[MyBestKids2]

"You're on disability? You look perfectly fine to me."

[tulips30]

"Do you work or are you JUST a mom at home?" ARGGGGG

tulips

[Locust]

mybestkids2- That's pretty crappy. People can't tell when someone is disabled. Sometimes my friend looks fine, but the truth is, she is unable to work. She has some psych issues, but her main problem- and the reason for her disability- are her physical problems that are enough in themselves to make sure she can't work, but those issues aren't always freakishly obvious. I think people expect all disabled people to outwardly look very different at all times, which just isn't always the case. What do you say to those people or do you even bother responding?

Tulips- Yeah, that's crappy, too. If you are a stay at home mom, you ARE working. I've never done it, but I know that's a hard job! What do you say to them?

[Rhapsody]

The same story about the same person - over and over again....... blah blah blah.

[LMo]

"are you due any day now?"

"are you having twins?"

"do you think they mis-estimated your due date?"

[Mr_Anger_Management]

When someone asks me where I'm REALLY from. Because in their minds, an Asian guy CAN'T be American. He must be an immigrant.

[sujunew]

I REALLY hate it when people ask "How are you?". I know that this is a common gripe, but it is thing thing I hate ppl asking more than ANYTHING else.
1stly coz I don't know if they really want to know or if they are just greeting you- it is so standard now to use that as a greeting. 2ndly coz I don't want to tell the truth about how I feel most of the time. That would be admitting out loud that things aren't so great...

[jbug]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mybestkids2 said:
"You're on disability? You look perfectly fine to me."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Amen

I have a friend that seems to think its acceptable to tease me about being mentally ill...ummm its not.

Jbug

[youOme]

I don't understand the replies on this....

BUT, here's mine.

See...my situation is the opposite. I got married, had kids, all that good ole' domestication stuff when I was a kid...so now that all my friends are catching up it's getting quite annoying. For example, my best friend is 21 right. She does not go to college, doesn't even have a drivers licence but she's ready to reproduce....it's all she talks about.

People will pressure you into societal norms like marriage and family, but you don't have to conform. You can't blame people for being "normal"..ya know.

It's those typical stages in life people tend to experience around the same time...and yes, they love talking about it. Every time somebody brings up their domestic life just nonchalantly change the subject...don't act interested because if you appear to be they'll keep talking.

[selfy]

"are you still going out with tim?"

ahem. newsflash to all the ignorant idiots out there.

I HAVE SPLIT UP WITH HIM AND IM NOT GOING INTO IT WITH U!

i dont care if u wanna no y we split up.... im not telling you.... cuz HELLOOOOO!!!
you dont give a toss for me u just want gossip.
well screw you....

[Perna]

I can't think of a darn things; it must really get better when you get older and I forgot to notice!

My father was in the Navy though and when I was younger we'd see classmates of his who would go into the "I remember you when. . ." and do the "how grown up you are" thing, I didn't care for that. It's hard now because my stepsister is 13 years older than I am and when I see her college sorority sisters and other people I don't see but once every 10-20 years it can kind of be like that; I was only 5-9 when she was in college so my memories of her friends (and current husband :-) are those of a 6 year old and that just feels weird.

[mandazzle]

I can't stand the WAY this kid in my school asks me how I'm doing. He goes "Howre YOU tuday?" I'm just like stfu leave me alone.

[Locust]

Trigger alert- mentions desire to die briefly and loneliness (and related issues)

YouOMe,

Thanks for the reply.

Is your friend actually planning on getting pregnant, or does she just say she wants a kid, but has no real plans of making one? A lot of the time people's desires to be a parent kicks in before they're ready to handle it. While I can understand how this could irritate you- after all, you know what a hard job and huge responsibility it is and it prob. seems she doesn't take it seriously- it doesn't necessarily mean that she'll actually go out and have a kid before she's ready. I had a time period in my life when I really wanted a kid, but was in NO position to care for it. I told my friends about these feelings I had, BUT I logically REALIZED that I wasn't in a position to care for it and that I wasn't emotionally ready for it, either. I never tried to get pregnant and I continued to use condoms for birth control (don't want to use pills for a couple reasons). It may be she wants a kid emotionally, but hopefully, her logic will tell her to wait for it. When I was a child, I also wanted an adult job, to drive a car, etc. It is natural to have these desires sometimes before we are ready to take on the responsibility. If we never had the desire for things, we would be less likely to set goals and work towards being prepared for them.

However, I know it is not a good idea to take on the responsibility of something- particularly a living being- before we are actually prepared for it, of course! Hopefully, she will do the responsible thing and her emotional desire for a child will cause her to start behaving more responsibly and will urge her to try for the things a baby would need- such as a good job to help financially, a driver's license, etc.- before she has the baby. If she not only WANTS a baby, but is actually considering REALLY having a child now even though she's not ready or stable enough for one, then that is definitely bad, and she's not taking it seriously enough. Sometimes people have kids and it causes them to be more responsible, so if she has a baby, hopefully she will turn things around. Yet, if she's planning on getting pregnant and not even trying to be more responsible before or while she's trying to concieve, that's worrisome, and I can definitely see why it irritates you. I'm just saying, irritating though it may be (and while I can see why), at the same time, it may just be that she has a desire for a baby, but will make the logical choice to wait. Hopefully, she will wait for the potential baby's sake and hers. Does she have a job at all? What does she say when you ask her how she would take care of the baby?

As for myself, I don't blame people for getting married or having kids. However, it does irritate me that people know my situation (basically I'm not only alone, I've been hurt, the wound hasn't healed all the way and the prognosis doesn't look as good as one might hope) and yet, they still continue to tell me about EVERYONE that gets married or has kids. They don't just announce their own weddings and babies, or those of their children, etc. I mean these people want me to know about every person that I've ever known. My mother, for instance, tells me everytime anyone I went to class with, am kin to, etc. gets married or pregnant and she KNOWS how upset I am about what I've been through romantically and where I stand in the romance dept. She also knows that I believe I'm never getting married or having kids and I think she knows I'm not happy about it. I'm POSITIVE she knows, but she tells me about everyone else, even people I'm not close to, but graduated with. Sometimes, I think she's trying to rub my nose in it and I just want to scream, "DON'T YOU GET IT? I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE, AND THE SOONER THE BETTER!"

Also people joke with me about dating casually. I don't get mad at everyone of them for doing so, because some of them don't know my situation, my past, how I feel, etc. so they don't know it is a sensitive subject for me. However, some of them DO know or SHOULD know I'm sensitive about it, but they keep making jokes, anyway. It's as if they somehow missed the obvious fact that I've not healed enough for them to make such jokes, and chances are, I may never be to the point where I'm comfortable with romantic jokes, questions, and comments from them. Also, the lady who said I'd be with mom forever didn't anger me, but I did find her comment rude. I just don't think she understood it was rude. It was the equivalent of, "You'll die alone," and the timing was terrible because shortly before, I thought I would eventually get married to my long time boyfriend.

I don't care about what society expects from me romantically. I am honestly not sure if I want kids, but I'd like a little more choice and preferabble circumstances in the matter, so that if I wanted to, I could choose to do so in a great situation. However, the marriage thing does bother me. Love means a lot to me, especially now that I know what I'm missing. And it bothers me to know I have messed up important relationships in my life and that I've lost people, opportunities, etc. and there are pieces of my heart I've given to people who don't even care about me anymore, if they ever did. Now, I don't regret caring for them- only messing it up, losing it, etc.- and I miss these people and lament what could have been. Since losing people I care about, I'm not only full of regret, I'm very lonely in a way I've never been before. Knowing I have the rest of my life to deal with this and don't expect to ever not be lonely again, makes me very upset. When people rub my nose in how much better other people managed relationships- they didn't lose the person they cared about, they're not lonely, etc.- it just makes me want to scream, especially when I know that the person saying these things to me KNOWS that I am emotionally hurt, lonely, etc. I feel it is insensitive to tell a heartbroken and lonely person about the weddings of everyone around, when they aren't even close to those people and prob. don't really care to know the details of their life. If my cousin was getting married, the reminder might hurt me, but at least an announcement of their wedding would be understandable.

By the way, this is off topic, but I like your current signature picutre (about life being beautiful and painful).

[Locust]

Selfy- AGH! ME TOO! I hate when people ask that! People used to ask me this when I was with my ex. I wanted to ask them, "What did you EXPECT us to split up?" It seemed everyone couldn't believe we were actually lasting and they didn't care enough to conceal their surprise when we did. Well, after the relationship ended, it upset me because I was already upset about the break up, the question was a reminder, I hated to admit it was true out loud (seems more real, I guess), and I didn't want to go into the situation with other people. I didn't want them to ask why we split up, I didn't want to answer that, I had to come up with BS reasons or brush them off. Also, as you said, I doubt many of them cared beyond the gossip factor.

[sarahlilianne]

I hate it when people ask me if I'm pregnant!!!! It makes me feel so fat!
Lily

[StarPonysMama]

I love it (but yet deep down it annoys me) when someone asks me, "So, you're not married, no children, and your're almost thirty, what's wrong with you?".

My response is, "Not a darn thing."

I have an issue trusting a man enough to have children with him and I have never been able to afford to do it on my own (I think I would make a top notch single parent). Never really wanted to see my children go through life without a father though - since I had to - and I'm a girl. But, I was a tomboy - it was very tough.

Do I have commitment issues? Probably. Do I have trust issues? Probably. Do I have a track record of failed relationships? Yes.

So, because I have not rushed in and gotten married or pregnant.......there's something wrong with me?

Amazing how society impresses upon us what we "must do".

I believe in doing whatever makes you happy.

A quote from my grandmother on my dad's side, "You have to keep laughing. When it boils down to it - it is still a "solo flight" through life; like the Garden Party song says, "you just have to please yourself"

[salukigirl]

my biggest thing isnt necessarily one comment. its people usually think im about 24 because i have always looked about 5 years older than i am. so (its better now because im 20, not 19) but it would always %#@&#! me off when i would tell people how old i am and they say stuff like "oh... well come and talk to me when youre 30 and know something about life." one time i finally was fed up and blew up on a guy who said that. he said "oh youre young, you must have never had your heart broken before" and i just yelled "hey jerkoff! just because im 10 years younger than you don't assume **** about me! I have been through more stuff in the last 4 years than you have in an entire lifetime! Dont assume just because Im young that Im stupid and naive!" and it seems like im always having to defend myself just because im young. people think that i had the world handed to me on a silver platter and don't know anything about life. i just wish people would stop thinking that im like every other 20 year old getting everything ive ever wanted.

so its probably the "come back and talk to me when you have experienced some things in life". thats probably it.

I say I suffer from depression they say.......... oh you want to get out more (are they for real ?)

[Doh2007]

That's a good one Tishie. I also hate, "You're just too sensitive."