[hedgehog]

I have a big problem and I hope to find help here. All my life, I've had bad experiences with people, making me not trust them and also be scared of them. Anytime I meet people, after a little while I find someone nice to talk to, but nobody ever seems to want to keep in touch, and nobody ever asks me to do stuff on their own. 3 years ago, online, I met the person who is now my best friend. We don't live in the same country, communicating over Instant Messaging, webcam, phone and have managed 3 personal visits as well. I don't have any other friends; I have no one's phone number, because people tend to think I'm stuck-up (I think) when all I am is just really shy. My friend has aquaintances; she has also had bad experiences in the friends department. For the last 3 years, we've been very close, closer than normal best friends, we've shared everything, and it has been just us and no one else. We've been talking at least 2 or 3 hours a day, a lot of times being online together the whole day and night while doing school work etc or leaving on the camera all night. The last few weeks, a lot of things have changed. My friend hasn't had a lot of time because she has a lot of work, which isn't her fault, but she now has a boyfriend, and I have a really hard time dealing with it and the fact that she now loves someone else as well. She promised me we'd always be best friends, but she's hardly home any more and I just feel really lost and lonely. I want to try to meet some other people to talk to or go out with (which is a little hard since I'm on vacation right now), but I don't feel comfortable with anyone but her, and the fact that we can hardly talk any more for the next weeks doesn't make it any easier, because that would help me the most. I'm scared we'll grow distant. I've already thought about suicide, even though that won't solve my problem and would only hurt her, since she's the only one that cares about me. Nobody else would care, I don't even have family. I'm just feeling pain all over and I just want it to go away. What I can do to deal with this situation? How can I deal with her being away so much, and what's the best way to approach new people? Thanks for your help.

[Zenobia]

Hi there,
I also have problems making friends. I have many acquaintances but no close friends. I will go out with co-workers at times for a drink after work but it never progresses past that point. I am not sure why. My best friend is on-line and in another country--Hi Deep!--I think it is easier for me that way because I am not worried about bothering her at home. I e-mail her at anytime of the day and she reads it when she feels like it. Where as with people near by I am afraid of calling because I may be bothering them when they are doing something else. I am afraid to ask them out because I feel as if I am imposing on their time. My efforts to not be a bother to other people make me all but invisible to them. I wonder if it is the same way for you.

A month ago I had an anxiety attack because my son was going to need to be picked up at school at a different time then usual but I was working so would have to arrange some way of taking care of it. I couldn't think of anyone I could call to help me. This made me extremely sad and a wee bit suicidal because I started obsessing about my unlikability. My thinking at the time was nobody liked me because I was not a good person. This isn't true. People do like me but Idon't allow them to get close to me. The next morning I decided to do something about it. I took a big step and joined a book group at Borders. I don't expect any sudden friendships but I felt that at least I was trying to make new friends and that was a beginning. Next month I will try to actually start up a conversation with someone in the group. Perhaps eventually I will get the nerve to invite them for a cup of coffee after the meeting. This would be fairly safe because there is a coffee shop in the store.

Hope this helps and things will get better for you.
Zen

<font color=blue>Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else--Judy Garland

[deepthinker]

Thanks Zennie girl. Love and hugs to you heaps xo

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. C.G Jung