[hikeandbike]

I posted this in a different forum before I saw this one on relationships.

I hope someone can identify with me and offer some words of wisdom....of hope. I am on the verge of losing a very important relationship in my life. In every important relationship I have had, I do not know how to resolve conflict. Things will be great for awhile but as soon as issues arise I am doomed. At the point where someone gets upset with me, I lose it. From then on the attempt at "fixing" the relationship turns into a downward spiral until I end up losing the very thing I am working so hard at saving. Even when the other person wants to resolve things, I always see them as not feeling the same about me and that I have ruined every thing. I will perceive their every action as an attempt to push me away. My uncontrolled emotions get the best of me and the feelings of hurt, resentment, fear and my abandonment issues prevail over any little sliver of logic I have in my head. Ultimately, I do not trust that they can love me and want things to work. I read into everything and throw it back on them until they have had enough and really do want to leave. Does anyone else out there share these experiences. How can I forgive, forget, and relax back into the relationship and give it a chance to repair.....before I open my big mouth and ruin everything for good?

[spondiferous]

Hi hikeandbike...you posted this a couple months ago and I feel sad that no one has seen it until now...how is everything going for you? Have you found a way to resolve any of the things you've outlined in your post?

Although I've calmed down a lot now, one of my diagnoses is Borderline, and although I don't believe I have it anymore, I had it really bad in my teens and twenties. Every one of my intimate relationships, and my friendships, and hell, even my family relationships, went down pretty much like you have described here. It takes a lot of work. What are you afraid of? What things in these other people set you off? I found that for me, all of my issues stem from fear of abandonment, and the residual trauma of growing up with a perpetually unhappy mother and father, and so when I start feeling threatened I start acting out. And it's easy for me to feel like people don't understand me or feel the same, because I feel things very intensely and I have been told many times by many people that I'm 'too sensitive', which further pushes my buttons.

I hope you have found a way to get through it. I hope everything went okay.