Husband and I fought last night

We boxed it out a few times in the house. Luckily the kids were asleep and did not wake up. Still, it was awful fight and I'm truly resenting him for doing what he does to me.

I can't even remember how it started, but lately he has been possessive and jealous over everything. I told him my friend was having an affair on her husband a couple days ago and ever since he has been up my *** an accusing me of dumb %#@&#!. He constantly calls me a liar and has even accused me of stealing money from him. I've never lied to him or stolen money from his wallet....he's trippen.

He's a little ***** when it comes to fighting. When I was younger I was scared of him, when I was pregnant I tolerated him and took his blows to my legs and arms, but now....I fight back. He always has to hit me when I have my back turned or stuck in a corner....deep down I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. He took some hard blows to the face last night, but I have bruises around my neck. His favorite thing to do is to pin me on the wall with his hands around my neck.

When I get this sort of cold distant attitude about this situation I'll tell people. It must be awkward to them because they never say anything about it. Either they think I deserve it, or they don't know what to say. As far as telling people who are close to me in life....what's new. They are sick of hearing the same old %#@&#!. They've told me to leave him a million times.

His drinking has went from really bad to majorly worse. He used to drink 2 days then go a day sometimes 2 and drink again. These were twelve packs. Now he drinks every damn day. He buys 24 packs every other day and 12 packs on the other. He promised that once he quite his supervisor job he'd quit drinking....well it got worse instead. He used to be a nice drunk, now he's a *** hole of a drunk.

Anyway, same old %#@&#! just a different day. I want him out of my house now, but several things are holding me back. One is having the gas money and child care while I take my finals this week. If I miss those finals I'll fail all my courses I worked hard on for the last four months.



I want a divorce.

IMHO, the ball is in your court, you can call the shots, remember the kids may have been asleepor not, they still see what brusies you both have, is not a good thing for them

The only way to stop the circle of violence is to step out of it youOme.

I have worked with folks who are in this circle and chances are that some form of tragedy awaits. It is the nature of violence..it hurts,,,sometimes forever.

Please look at this long and hard and wonder what impact this will have on the children over time and what "blows" may be in the wings for them..If they become victimized,,they will carry these hurts forward...

I wish I could help with more than words...

Lenny

(((((((((((( youOme )))))))))))))

Let me start by saying I have been in the same shoes you are now standing on. I'm going to be very forthright with you right now. I pray you understand that what I'm about to say is said out of concern and compassion. It is not meant to make you feel badly about yourself or your decisions...it is only meant to help you open your eyes to possibilities......

First of all, living with an alcoholic is a most difficult and painful experience both for you and for your children. The alcoholic knows how to play the game better than you do. They can control how you react, the control how you think, they control how you feel about yourself. I think I know how you are feeling at this point....and maybe because you are trying to be strong or maybe because you are in denial you may not be willing to think abou this............You feel lower than pondscum. You can fight back all you want to physically and with hurtful words, but I can tell you, they fall on deaf ears and the body forgets (his does). When you feel lower than pondscum, you become depressed and think that there is no way out of a bad situation. I can attest that that is completely untrue!!

The alcoholic has a way of turning everything around to being your fault. In his mind he cannot accept that anything he does could possibly be wrong or his fault when something does go wrong....so it must be your fault. WRONG!!!!

You and I are enablers. Plain and simple. Hard fact to accept but it is very true. We can be enablers, but not for the alcoholic. We can enable OURSELVES to find the strength to do what we need to do for ourselves and our children no matter how hard it may be. Believe me, staying in this situation when your husband is not receiving help or trying to change his behaviors and dealing with his addiction is far more difficult than doing what you need to do to be safe.

You do not deserve to be hit....to be emotionally abused...to be verbally assaulted. What you do deserve, is to take control of your world and your childrens world. I, myself, had many false starts when it came time to step up and make the hard decisions. Until I felt stronger, I left, came back, kicked him out, let him back etc etc. It never solved a thing...in fact, made things more difficult. The final act for me was the choking.....that is when I finally came to my senses and realized that I did not want to live the rest of my life under these conditions. Plain and simple...it just wasn't going to happen anymore. I finished the relationship, divorced and moved on in my life. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and my kids.

I hope you find the strength to figure out what you need to do at this point in your life. Ignore what he has told you and listen to your gut instinct. Meditate on it if you have to. I understand that friends and family don't have more to say right now when you go to them with this problem. They are probably feeling very useless to help you now. If they have heard you complain many times and have done nothing to help yourself (and I'm not blaming you for this) they are now at a loss at what more they can do or say to help you. If you decide to make a change, then ask for help if need be....discuss with a trusted loved one what you want to do and brainstorm if need be on how to accomplish your goal. At that point, when they see you are serious about making changes, they will be in a better position to help you follow through on those changes. I hope that makes sense to you.

Above all......listen to your gut! Wishing you well and sending you strength.


sabby

"He's a little ***** when it comes to fighting."

"He took some hard blows to the face last night, but I have bruises around my neck."

"His favorite thing to do is to pin me on the wall with his hands around my neck. "

There's something weird about this post. It almost sounds like you like fighting with him. *shrug* I tend to think people can get addicted to fighting because it's arousing and releasing at the same time, and often leads to honeymooning. Posting about it adds another layer of complexity to that.

Whatever it is, you should get out of that situation for your kids' sake, until you can come to some sort of understanding with your husband and find a way to live in peace without the jealousy/antipathy.

until someone has lived in those shoes there is no way to understand it. the person being abused is beaten down thinking they are no good or will never find anyone else that will love them. yes I have been there and yes I fought back with all my might at times. I defended myself. finally one day I got really sick and tired of it and found a way out. honey trust me it is doing the kids no good to continue in this lifestyle. kids learn bad behavior from parents and boys tend to think it is ok to hit women. same for girls. they see dad hit mama and mama hit daddy and they will contiue that for their lives. please get out asap. I understand you need to finish your finals. make your plan now and stick with it hon. my thoughts are with you and the kids right now.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
youOme said:
I can't even remember how it started, but lately he has been possessive and jealous over everything.
I told him my friend was having an affair on her husband a couple days ago and ever since he has been up my *** an accusing me of dumb %#@&#!.

He constantly calls me a liar and has even accused me of stealing money from him. I've never lied to him or stolen money from his wallet....he's trippen.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sound like to me that your husband had some past quilt resonated in him after he heard the story of your friend...... What secret do you think he is hiding?

May I ask? - Why do you stay when he keeps on hitting you?
... as I can forgive and live thru a lot, but not physical abuse or a cheating affair.

Please stay Safe and keep your kids Safe...... ((( hugs ))).

You get exactly what you think you deserve.

((youOme))

Just wanted to provide support. I have nothing constructive to say. Tonight I am the one who wants to bash his brains in, but instead have decided to sleep on the couch. My H is a lot bigger than I am, and when provoked ... does not fight like a little *****. youOme, I hope you are able to safely get away from him.

Edahn ....all I can say is you've chosen a good avatar for yourself.

Take Care youOme

I know exactly how you feel. I just left my husband today. You said that you have kids, well, eventually child welfare will get involved. That's what happened to me. The cops got called out too many times from people hearing me getting beat. That's how I finally had the strength to leave him... Cuz when it comes down to it, what's more important? him or your kids? He'll never change. Don't fall for those fake tears either, he's just feeling sorry for himself, not you. Quit making excuses and just leave girl. Over 200 women die accidently from domestic violence every year. Don't let it be you.