[Kayleigh]

How do you you know when you've met the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with? Is there a clear sign? I guess I've just seen so many marrages fall apart, and now my friends are getting married, and I want to know how you know you have "the one". Maybe marrage in general is stupid? It seems like they all end up so sadly. ( I hate divorce...) What are your thoughts?

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi Kayleigh,

I am not an advocate of marriage at all, esp. since I am on my 3rd one.

However, with my second husband, I knew. It's hard to explain exactly, but there was a sense of completion, a feeling of having found your other half.

We were together 10 years - knew what the other was thinking and finished each other's sentences. We had, without even trying, kind of created our own little shorthand and it worked wonderfully.

We had a lot in common when we met and there was never a lag in conversations. There was chemistry between us also, but the main thing was that sense of completion. He told me within the first week of meeting me that he was going to marry me. It scared me half to death because I felt the same way.

When we split up, which was because of other ppl stepping in and causing problems, it devastated me. I had never felt so loved or protected in my life - he spoiled me because he knew the garbage I had come from in my life.

That feeling I have never experienced since. I haven't been happy or really laughed since then.

If you ever feel like this with someone, explore it. If it's the real thing, don't ever let go.

[Kayleigh]

So then, if you found "the one" and got married, but it still ended so horribly, is there a point to marrage at all? (and I'm very sorry that it had to happen to you. )

[PlanningtoLive]

If I found him again, or was able to experience that again, then yes, there is a point to marriage.

Out of three times, that was the one for me. It wasn't because of anything that either of us did, that our marriage ended. Long, personal story there - sorry.

What I do know is that most of my emotional problems came out because they were triggered by the ending of that marriage.

I also know that it was the only time in my life where I could actually say that I was happy, and really felt it.

I hope you find it as well.

[Wants2Fly]

Some sources say we each have a special soul mate. Others say that there are many people who are "right" for us -- perhaps at different times in our lives. When people had shorter life spans, there was less chance that they would grow in different directions. (Also, although no one that I know of has written this -- less chance that they'd get on each other's nerves. LOL).

There is a special feeling. Poets have written about it, musicians compose music about it, and wars have been fought over love.

I am still in love with my ex-husband. It was a passionate and stormy relationship. We have been divorced for 30 years. I think I was stupid not to have tried harder. I was with another man for 15 years. I loved him, but I was never in love with him. The relationship was healthier in many ways than my marriage. Certainly, it was calm and comfortable. I never dreamed that he would leave me. The feeling of security in the relationship was a big part of why I loved him. Then he left me abruptly. I was clueless. Now I wonder if I sacrified a big part of my life because I wanted to feel safe. Because, in fact, there are no guarantees.

I think you'll know when it's the one.
I surely have no answers.

[Kayleigh]

Is there anyone whos marrage doesn't end so sadly? Honestly, I don't want to get married if I have to get divorced. I don't think it'd be worth it. I don't want to have to deal with all that. I think I may be dating my "one", but I see no point in pursuing a relationship that leads to inevitable heartbreak.

[h0kie]

There is always the chance of getting hurt. I truly believe you have to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt in order to find love.

MrH0kie and I will celebrate our 4th anniversary in December. We married young, but in love. We are still in love. Things are rocky at times due to his health, but we stick together. I know he'll always have "my back" so to speak.

I knew the moment I met him, that he was the one. We met on the internet and talked for almost a year before we met. I was so comfortable with him, before I even met him. When we finally met, I knew. It may sound cheesy, but I had dreams of my "soul mate"/husband and I could always see him, but not his face. After I met my husband, I could see his face...and it was his voice I'd heard in my dreams. Cheesy, but true.

I do know if you go into a marriage thinking about divorce, it will have a hard time taking off. I don't remember where I heard this...Dr. Phil maybe, but I heard/read somewhere that marriages last because the couple never falls out of love with each other at the same time.

Sure, there are times where he makes me want to tear my hair out...but I know I am no better. No matter what, you have to be willing to work on things. They will not always be perfect.

I also heard to make sure you agree on money, kids, and where you'll live. I would also be honest about any mental conditions. As that is the main thing people fight about.

I dunno. Just my $0.02.

[Wants2Fly]

Aw, Kayleigh, does it really make sense to say -- I don't think I'll marry a person I love because ---

maybe -- someday -- it might -- it could -- maybe -- happen that we will get divorced?

So I will deny myself this love and pleasure. I will deny love and pleasure to this person I care about?

It's a fact of life that one person almost always dies before the other. Rarely do both partners die together. And the one left behind grieves. Two to three years, statistics show. Are ya gonna not risk falling in love because death is inevtitable?

Doesn't make sense to me.