secrets

so lastnight my bf told me a deep secret hes been keeping from me for 4 months and when he told me i was extremely upset because he lied to me!
the secret was that he told me he was a virgin and that we would give each other to each other and it turns out he had sex with someone already! i was really hurt because he waited four months to tell me and lied to me! but now i want to get over it because we love each other so so much and he even says that if he could he would turn back time and say no and wait for me!! i know he means it and he had sex cause he did it not for love but for lust and now idk if i should worry or if i should get over it!!! im trying to get over it but its hard!

Trust in a relationship is huge portion of the relationship and when you find out that the trust you had in another is blown out of the water it's very hard to get it back again.

That being said, I think we have to also understand the reason behind why someone might lie to us. Maybe your boyfriend really wanted you to feel very special and he told a small lie for the moment of making you feel good. Then 4 months goes by and the lie is eating at him and he possibly feels he would rather have a truthful relationship and come clean with you about the lie.

I don't think we "just get over it". There is a process of forgiveness we go through (if we forgive at all). You have to think about it, feel it, decide for yourself if his intent when telling the lie is acceptable to you or not and if his intent in coming clean with the lie was in the interest of your relationship together etc etc.

Give yourself the time to think about it and process it. Communicate with him about it. Maybe through the past 4 months of your relationship he has learned how much truth means to you....and he wanted to be truthful.....there could be many reasons.

Wishing you both well!


sabby

Sabby is right, trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. It’s easily broken and difficult to get back. I think that I would be concerned in the future if he’s telling you something because it’s what he thinks you want to hear, or because it’s the truth. In my world, there is no such thing as a “little lie”.

The one up side is that he came clean before you found out other ways. I would definitely talk to him and let him know how much honesty means to you and how hurt you were by his deception. Only you know if the relationship is worth it.

Just as a side note....I am assuming you are both fairly young. In that vein, it could be a very simple situation that comes from inexperience and working through maturing and learning. That's where the intent comes in.....it may have been something he was really just trying to do what he thought was the right thing.....and finding out down the road that honesty is better than a lie. If that is the case, do you think it would be easier to forgive and move on?


sabby

thanks so much for the advice and your both right I have told him how hurt I was he never even wanted to tell me but it kept eating at him so when I finally was accepted by it I realize from what both u said was right he wants trust and didn't want this lie keep eating him and affect our relationship! after reading I came to the fact that I forgive him and I want to stay with him forever and ever! and we both see eye to eye and we never even fought once so what we have is strong . as well I might be young but I know I'm very mature for a 17 year old. I just see this a phase we both had to go through to only become strong as a whole! thanks so so much for the advice!

hello everyone, this is the boy who he's talking about. your right, we're young. i'm only 16 but even through that we still have a strong relationship and a strong bond and understanding of what we both want. also, with the trust issue. i just wanted to be completely honest with him. i know i coulda went our whole lives without telling him but i didnt want that, i wanted him to know the truth. it was really hard simply bc i knew how it was going to hurt him and i really didnt want to see that but i wanted to be honest so i told him. i gotta amit, it was extremely hard and emotional but in the end it brought us even closer. overall, it was hard but im glad i told him.
thanx for all the help everyone and best of luck to you all.

I'm really glad to hear you could both work through this situation. Many times in relationships, especially at your ages (and i don't mean that as a slam to teens by any stretch of the imagination) you are learning and growing and discovering what it takes to make a relationship work. Heck, even adults go through this same exact thing at times.

Being truthful can be hard.....but it is certainly less difficult than lying and being found out later on. I think the wonderful thing is that you were able to speak of this before the other found out from someone else. Bringing it up yourself and dealing with the outcome shows grace, strength and acceptance of your responsibilities. Way to go!


sabby

I'm glad to hear that everything worked out, good luck to you both.