How can 1 person screw up so much?

Hello All: Here is the text of an email I received yesterday. I have been with this person exactly three times. I "stood her up" bec. we were supposed to meet in a bar to hear a band. I am an alcoholic and hadn't been in a bar for 15 years, and I had a panic attack. I apologized and explained. Another time I was supposed to meet her in church. I overslept due to meds. The way she described it, she was taking her mother, who is a wheelchair, to church. I did not interpret her message as an intention for us to meet. I don't know what the 3rd cancelled plan is.

She has been very nice to me, and is one of the few people I know in New Orleans. She does a lot of community service, and she is much loved by many people. People had a benefit for her when she needed a new computer.

She also offered to rent me a room in her apartment on the spur of the moment when it appeared that I had to leave my apartment and another roommate situation fell through.

I know I isolate. I know I have self-defeating behaviors. Understanding how apparently rude this is to others simply makes me want to isolate more.

Also -- about her use of the word "audaciously." I do not have an "audacious" cell in my body.

TEXT Of EMAIL I RECEIVED

Thank you for taking the time to write such lovely words (SEE MY EMAIL TO HER AT BOTTOM)

Since attack and defend are the same thing, I am asking that you read this note without thoughts of defense ... read it acceptingly ... as my intent is not to attack you but to call your attention to yourself.

If you choose to receive ... rather than letting your choice be to bring up walls, disclaim my thoughts, deny my words, or bring alarm to your spirit in thoughts of defense ... then you may gain what Johari's "Window" says is visible to others but not known to you.

My number one on my
POINTS OF POWER list
is to
PAY ATTENTION.

Do you even listen to your words
.. or pay attention to your actions???

There is a quote in a Les Blank film, "Always for Pleasure"
.... "I had a late clue but it could have been an early one."

All that any spiritual path or friend or coach or guru can do is save you time. It says in the beginning of the A Course in Miracles text
.... "This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary."

When I tried to find this quote so I could say it correctly,
I found instead
... "Miracles are natural signs of forgiveness. Through miracles you accept God's forgiveness by extending it to others."

.. then I found
... "The real purpose of this world is to use it to correct your unbelief."

Since I never know why words appear, I typed them as they may be your message rather than the words that I will now write.

I am so confused with your most recent note as it is in direct dichotomy with your words when you were last in my home.

I really feel that you have not participated in any spiritual community (or any other for that matter) in New Orleans so I find it unfair for you to judge someplace else as more comforting when you have not given the now a fair chance. As a matter of fact, you have steadfastly refused comforting.

You had the audacity to hand me a shallow excuse that you wouldn't go to the Course in Miracles class with me again because it's "too far." (after I had already offered to drive you if you would just come to my house). You turned down being part of an extraordinary group of people for "inconvenience" so you can say that New Orleans doesn't work for you because you haven't found a spiritual group in New Orleans.

There are many splendid "quotes" that are some of my favorites that come out of AA ..... the one I have in mind is
... "Wherever you go .. There you are."

Besides .... You already told me when we first met that you didn't want to go back to Florida. If you want to move, then why not try Austin?? There are quite a few spiritual communities there with more possibilities for you to find a spiritual path more to your cultural heritage.... and probably more touching to your core.

Certainly, you have not found yourself becoming a centered person by following the Sufi path, have you?

The fortunate thing is that it can never harm you to choose again ... as you can always choose again and again until you do find that centeredness in your choice. When you write the word CHOICE in all capital letters and hold it upside down in the mirror .. it still says CHOICE.

I hope you don't mind my being "Pushy Pat" for a few minutes .. but it's hard to watch people sabotage their own lives and not take accountability and responsibility for it. It's one of my pet peeves ... before I even met you so it's not totally personal Enid. However, I do take it personally that you have broken plans we made two times .. and stood me up once.

You even found a reason to not meet me at the Unity Temple as that too was too inconvenient for you.

Of course, how can I expect someone to keep a commitment to me when they cannot keep a commitment to themselves!!!

My taking the time to say these things is ever so personal because it's time that you take a commitment to yourself and quit looking for some outside group to give you the peace that you refuse to "take for" or "give to" yourself.

You keep putting all your choices into "movements" that you think will make you happy .. You vacillate from choosing a room .. an apartment ... a house ... a city ... a community ........... When the only choice that you really have to make is to choose peace. When you have peace, then it doesn't matter which room, apartment, house, city or community you are in as you have become part of the energy of peace that coexists with all when you emanate peace.

Peace has to be accepted now Enid.
Actually, there is no other option than to choose peace.

All other options are choosing suffering

.. or choosing victimhood.

You either have peace or you don't.
If you don't have it then choose again.

That's the miracle, the shift in perception
... from fear to love
.... from fear to peace
.... from ego to spirit.

Peace is only in the now.
You can't search for peace
... you can only choose it.
................. NOW.................

Peace is in your breath .. in your heart .. in your being .. in your spirit ..
in your life .. in your friendships .. in your love ... in your acceptance
... in your family .. in your relationships .. in your mind .. in your body .. in your forgiveness .. in your contentment with God ...
...... in your .. in your .. in your ....

One of my favorite quotes from the A Course in Miracles text is:
"It gets to the point that nothing can take you from the peace of God."

Blessing back on you girl ... and best of luck with your new choices ....
and come to know that you are your own light and love and prayer ... Please keep in touch ..... love and blessings.... jollyllama

Johari Window

Known to Self Not Known to Self
Known to Others http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theor...ndow.html#open http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theor...dow.html#blind
Not Known to Others http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theor...ow.html#hidden http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theor...w.html#unknown


The Investment of Reality:
If you will recognize that all the attack you perceive is in your own mind and nowhere else, you will at last have placed its source, and where it begins it must end. (T-12.III.10:1)

realize that there is an abundance of everything

give up placing your beliefs in the unreal

In a message dated 11/10/2004 1:11:28 PM Central Standard Time, tropigal35@earthlink.net writes:

Dear Pat -- Thank you for the many inspiring words you have sent out. This one is especially moving.

I want to tell you how special you have been to me in the short time that I've known you. I am thinking of moving back to South Florida, if I can find a cheap trailer to buy. I miss the warm sunny winter weather. But, more importantly, I miss being part of the Sufi prayer group. New Orleans has so much more to offer than South Florida, but I am increasingly finding that nothing matters as much as being sutured into a community of light and love and prayer. I hope I will see you at least once before I go. (If I go).

I admire the way that you have steppped into take care of your mother, and do it with such love and respect. I also admire the way you step forward to serve the New Orleans community of musicians and artists, and inspire so many just by being your own good and true self, full of light and love.

Last night was the Night of Power in Ramadan. The Sufi communities hold an all-night prayer vigil. There is a certain chant-prayer sequence that we do, call al-wird, hopefully every morning. Each chant is said 100x. On the Night of Power, we were asked to do 2000 cycles of each of the 4 chants. (I've never been able to do that many and stay awake). It is said that the prayers made on The Night of Power is worth 1,000 nights of normal prayers.

So the vision of the Angel seems especially timely to me this morning.

Peace and blessings.

Hi Wants2Fly,

Over the years that I have been suffering my illness I have learned one thing the hard way. When we are depressed and/or anxious we tend to pick up people who are not good for us.

It is like we are giving out signals that we can't see, but they can. For me, part of the drive to isolate is so that I don't get into any more scrapes with people who are determined to mess with me.

My feeling these days is that our remaining energies, such as they are, should be spent on looking after ourselves. If I come across someone who wants to 'save me' in any way, I run a mile at a full sprint.

Good luck,

Myzen.

Wow I am not really sure what to say to all of that. She has a lot of love in her heart, but she shounds to be a veary strong personalty. I think what you wrote back was perfict. I hope the best for you!

Whisper

Thanks, Myzen, for the sane and concise wisdom. RE: "part of the drive to isolate is so that I don't get into any more scrapes with people who are determined to mess with me."

Yes, I would say that is exactly true. People have called me "thin-skinned" and "too sensitive." Okay, so let's say that is true. It still means a lot of energy spent in self-criticism when things happen that might roll off someone else's back. My mom's mantra is, "I just try to stay away from people." Not a great way to develop a loving support community around one -- but I understand why she does this. Especially after reading your comments, which brought me so much insight.

Whisper -- Thanks for reading and for responding. I appreciate the loving feedback.

I have to agree with Myzen -- not to mention that it was remarkably rude and insensitive of that rhymes-with-witch to assume "one size fits all." It's nice that she's found comfort in her new-agey crap (I have had people try to push A Course in Miracles on me too), but it doesn't make you bad because it doesn't work for you.

From where I sit, you didn't screw up at all. "Friends" who dump on you like that in the name of "honesty" are no friends at all. I didn't get any sense that she really cared about you. Let it go -- not your fault at all.

Candy

Hi Wants2Fly,

Wow, this one really took quite a while to go through. I found that her message says "a lot of nothing with a lot of words".

It doesn't seem like you have known her long enough or well enough for her to criticize you. She only knows a small subset of your life, so I would not take what she says to be of much value.

There were only 2 points that I found were of any value & that does not mean that they apply to you. They are only points that apply to life in general.

The first point is that when being in a location where your spiritual community is not available, then it doesn't hurt to TRY to find something else that might possibly fulfill that void. That possibility should not be overlooked & there is a chance that there may be a better choice that hasn't been discovered yet.

The other point that I tend to agree with is that a person is responsible & accountable for their life. If one plays the victom role, then it is easy to use that as a reason not to take personal responsibility for finding peace in our lives. I have found that when I define what gives me peace & makes me happy & fulfilled, then I know what I need to persue for my future...taking into consideration that my spirituality is internal & is included in my decisions of what I need to make me happy. When I am truly satisfied with myself, then it doesn't matter what others say or do.

It seems that your paths have crossed in you settling in to New Orleans. Maybe subconsciously, you already realized that she is not right for you to be associated with. That may be why you did not follow through with your meetings. Don't try to make something work that isn't good for you. I would just drop the relationship "without saying anything". Just let it go away...it's not worth the effort to try to make it work. She is NOT a friend...you do not need her.

Just my opinion,
Debbie