Dysfunctional Virgin

What on earth should a 21 year old guy do when he's so anxious about the "possibility" of remaining a virgin all his life, that his view on the issue is practically apocalyptic?

What should this guy do when his way of handling his fear is this...:

Guilting me about how he doesn't get laid, casually mentioning to me how he would love to sleep with me, and then physically pushing himself onto me even when I say stop? I'm pretty sure this ISN'T the way to get laid. By the way, begging isn't beneath him.

I understand I'm sexually open and flirtatious by nature, and we had hooked up once before a while ago, but I wasn't saying stop [over and over and over] in a joking manner when he was pushing himself onto me. I was quite serious.

The next day, when I told him I didn't like what he had been doing, this jerk went on to tell me that I didn't seem to be fighting back? [Seriously? Did I need to punch this kid in the face? Really, that line might as well been scripted in a bad teen movie. I kept telling him that so long as I had a boyfriend, I wasn't going to sleep with him!...But I guess that gave him too much hope.
My friends and I were reading our conversation online together, and we concluded he's developing the characteristics of an abusive boyfriend: He would guilt me, then treat me with no respect physically, tell me its my fault or come up with excuses for his bad behavior, then suddenly come back and tell me how much he needs me and cares for me and how he'll never do these things again....But they happen. Again.

Yeesh.

I got him to stop talking to me, but god damn! Does this kid have a serious issue? Should he see a therapist? To me, it seems to be about way more than getting laid....It's more anxiety and selfishness, in my opinion. Should he see someone for this?

Does this kid need serious help?

You really wouldn't see this coming. He's calm, cool, collected in person. A dorky engineering student who's only had 2 girlfriends, and obviously never got laid. He claims he'd go to the end of the earth for those he cares for, but clearly when his needs are in the way, his needs come first before anyone else's.

Should this guy see someone? Is he a sex addict without the sex, and suffering from a serious case of anxiety and selfishness?

He sounds like a teenager. A dorky engineering student one with not a whole lot of manners or experience/background or guidance from any adults in his life, obviously.

If you aren't seeing him anymore, he and his arrested development aren't your problem. He has to learn his own lessons and grow up at his own speed. People have different sexual and other needs and it just sounds like he doesn't have a whole lot of help dealing with his from guy friends or other outlets. He's anxious and selfish. He probably has gotten the message that he can't treat you that way and that's the only message you're in charge of delivering.

Ha, "arrested development"

Loving it!

Thanks. His friends aren't quite sure what to do w/ him either, hence asking.

From what you said - yes, he should see a therapist. Do not diagnose him with anything - let him see a professional. I would say that he has to get treatment now before entering "the real world". He has symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder that really need to be managed now before things get out of hand.

And, take care of yourself. You deserve better and thus if part of that is to push him away and distance yourself - you deserve to do that.

Thanks, man. I hope he does something. He claims he realizes that he needs to change.... but eh, words are pretty.

Part of me is curious to see what "research" he claimed to be doing to help himself after I dropped his ***, but eh. Think I'm gonna use my brain and steer clear.

I completely know your shock the way you describe "you really wouldn't see this coming..." I knew a Special Ed teacher who was cool, calm, and collected...then LIKE THAT when I went to his apartment he started going down my shirt without even a hello...I was SHOCKED!!! He also claims he would go to the end of the Earth for people.....hmmmmm.....it's like one has someone's personality pegged, then, one often finds out how wrong they are.....personalities are complex things, I am beginning to see, more and more.....