[lifesaB]

Ok, I have things that bother me so much with my husbands kids and I cannot figure out why? By the way, we just got married last week..so I guess they are my kids now too...It is little things that get me upset and moody and I need help to stop letting this happen. I will put some examples here; The daughter is 14 and the son will be 17 soon. My husband gets up eaarly to go to work, but before he leaves, he has to make the son a lunch and even pours him a glass of orange juice and sets it on the counter for him when he gets up. He turns on the kitchen and bathroom lights for him too. It's like, My Gosh, this kid can't do anything for himself...Last night he bought his son and his girlfriend Culvers for supper and then he and I ate 4 day old leftovers. Don't get me wrong - there is absolutely nothing wrong with leftovers, but it just makes me feel bad when he does stuff like this. It is favoritism towards his son, if you ask me, which is not a good thing. Most every other weekend his daughter gets breakfast pizza from the deli and I get nothing or have to find my own. Last weekend he bought tickets to a band camp not only for both of his kids, but their girlfriend and boyfriend also. They cost like $52 a ticket. I guess I should explain a little. The daughter lives with her mom and the son lives with us, but he is only here about half the time due to marital agreements that were made. The daughter is here every other weekend. He will turn on the outside light if they are coming home after dark, but never for me. He has this one oil lamp and whenever I light it, he turns the flame down so low that you can't even see it, but when he lights it for his kids when they are here, that flame is turned up high. I told you it is stupid little things that bother me, now you see what I mean. The list goes on and on though and I have tried talking to him about this stuff, but he keeps doing it. I know that I cannot change the way he treats his kids, so why try? Alot of the time if his kids want to go somewhere, he is willing right away to take them, but it is not always that way with me. They control every move he makes and just use him without showing any respect at all and that is what REALLY bothers me. Please don't anyone comment back with "Are you sure you love this man?" because the answer is "YES, I DO" I am going to spend the rest of my life with him. I know it is not nice to say, but I just wish his kids were growwn up and out of here and it's all because of how much he babies them all the time. Anyway, "Am I crazy, or what?" I have to get control of this before it destroys our wonderful relationship before we even get started in married life and that would destroy me. Thanks for listening

[Sannah]

Hi, there is this bond that parents have with their children that they do not have with others. It's actually biological to make sure that offspring are taken care of. My husband (and our children's father) used to make comments about what I will do for our kids and what I will do for him. The way that I look at it is he is an adult and can take care of himself. At the time our kids were little! I hear what you are saying, though, that you would like it if he would do nice little things for you. Now our kids are getting older and they can do a lot more for themselves and now I have time to do nice little things for my husband. He does do nice little things for me. Maybe if you take the focus off of his kids then he will stop reacting when you bring up the subject and just focus on what you are saying about yourself? Your relationships with him is younger than his relationship with his children. Maybe give it time to grow and let him get in the habit of doing those things for you?

[lifesaB]

Hi,
Don't you think that almost 17 is almost an adult? My husband thinks his kids are so grown up that they can make their own decisions and choices. They were here first and are definately most important to him, but now that we are married, I hope I count as something?? My husband is very good to me and does alot of nice things for me too. Unfortunately, it is when his kids are not around and maybe that is part of the problem. I know they will always be first and most important to him, but I wish he would not have to make it so obvious all the time. I will get past this somehow because I love my husband too much to let this get in our way. Thanks for your response, I appreciate it.