[myegirl]

I was in a relationship with this guy for 7 years. We have two children together and we miscarried one. He can be a very big-hearted person, but what it all boils down to is he is all about himself. I have put myself and honestly my kids on the back burner for a while just to have him in our lives. I have forgiven him for a number of thing, ie other women, consistant lying, leaving me and kids stranded on the highway (after we came to visit him out of town), just to name a few. To sum it up, we were still trying to hold it together for three years while he was out of town working and it was hard and I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore, so he finally came home. He found a job shortly there after and things were ok for quick moment. He had female texting him sexual explicit messages, coming home late or not at all, so I talked to him about it. He informed me the female texting him was only a friend and she was high on something and that's why she sent those messages to him - keep in mind, she's married. I told him she does not have friendly feelings for him and that so called friendship was unacceptable and he told me he woudl take care of it. Long story short, he was still talking and spending time with this female and her man.

I have a guy friend, who is exactly that, who got under my BF skin for what reason, I don't know and since disrespected me and went against my feelings, I did the same by going to visit my guy friend and I took the kids. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was his duty to drop the kids off at daycare, so one day he decided to take our kids to a different female's house (this one he had a past relationship with as far as sex) for her to comb my daughter's hair and I found that out through my daughter. Anyway, when we came home my daughter told him about our visit and he couldn't take it. I got the kids to bed and went back in the livingroom and he was walking out the door. I called him to see if everything was ok and he said he would call me later, he just had to leave. The thing of it is he is unable to take what he dishes out and I eventually told him I know exactly how he felt because that is the way he makes me feel everyday - he had no response.

Shortly thereafter, he moved out. We went by his mom's house to visit one day, but his cell phone was not working, so I told myself that if there was a foreign car in the drive way I was not going to stop by for he may have company and since there was no car, i knocked on the door. Once he found out it was me it took him a couple minuets to come out and I tried to go in after him to used the bathroom and he would not let me in. He told me both were not working. The kids saw him and was excited. My daughter begged to go with him and spend time with him and he said she could not at that time. She asked him where he was going and he told her he did not know. He got a cig from me, cranked up his car, and drove off. He went right around the corner to a convenience store and waited for us to leave and drove right back to his mom's house. We all know he had someone in there, but what pissed me off was the fact that you were rushing off the kids to get back to this woman.

He moved back out of town, where I didn't originally know, and could only send text messages for corresponcence. We barely got any, however, one day he kept texting asking about me receiving a child support payment that was garnished from the IRS. I told him I had not received it and I wondered why he kept asking about it. His motives became very clear when he asked me for $100. I later found out that he was living in a hotel in a different city, now we all know hotels have phones, so why didn't he provide the number for his children to call him? We know he gave somebody the number, trust me, but not the kids. He told me he did not have any minuets to talk to the kids. I am so fed up. I have given you guys the short version, but I am here and gave you this much as a background to this question: why is it so hard for me to stop caring for this man? Why it is that his actions still bother me? He has clearly shown me time and time again that he doesn't care about me or the kids and wants to live his life regardless to how it affects us. I don't want him around my kids until he get stable. It is hard to watch my kids cry behind a man who doesn't want to be bothered. They have come to the point where they stopped asking for him and that is a breath of fresh air to me. My daughter was acting out at one time and she has stopped that. I don't want to set them back for a temp feel of being with their dad like I have before. Any insite on this with be of great appreciation. I cannot talk to my family that much because they can be extremely bias and negative and I don't need that.

Thank you in advance