[injaga]

Before sleeping, lying in my bed I just noticed I did not make any new friends after I graduated university. I'm now 28 and I have been working continually in three different companies.
I think I never tried to make friend with others, I just talk the business and finish.I have only 2 close friends in length. But I had an argument with one of them and no longer we are chatting (Because I'm now studying in my master's degree abroad.) It seems I had left with one friend. How can I make myself a good candidate for a friend to others?

Well I have story.
I have had prolonged bad situation in my family fighting with my older brother's alcoholism (almost 10 years) and then he died and everybody in the family left heart broken. I think now after 4 years after we still not recovered from the depression. Because he was the most adorable one and maybe he has been acted as an clue between us.

As it was overlapped with my teenage, I always was embarrased of my cheap chinese clothes while my classmates was wearing brand jeans and sneakers. I became hideous and unhappy. Now I'm 28 but still cannot change myself. I'm kind of unlively, pessimist and feel empty. Life is meaningless sometimes. Honestly sometimes I wish I was dead but I'm not going to suicide myself. What will u advice me? Can I change myself? What steps I need to take urgently. (Sorry for bad English. I'm not English speaker.)