[maymie]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm having trouble with my mom again and I could use input. Okay here it goes.
My mother and I don't have a good relationship at all. Granted it is better than the one I have with my dad. My mom and i aren't that close. Heck, she doesn't even know my favorite color. In high school I thought it would get better but now I'm 23 and wondering if it ever will. My mom is one of those women who can't be alone. I mean she can but she would rather be with someone who abused her than be alone. Me on the other hand love to be single. But thats the difference between her and I. She looks as singleness as being alone and having no one and I look at it as being able to enjoy my friends and family better than I would if I weren't single. She has never truly been single. She jumps from man to man, relationship to relationship just so she won't be alone. I have tried very hard not to imitate her in this. She is always telling me that I should be married by now but I enjoy not being married. I'm finishing college and enjoying the single life. Yes, someday I'd love to get married but I'm in no rush either. Her other thing is that I need to wear more make up. Her attitude is that if you don't wear make up or alot of it than your ugly. I don't really care for make up on me. It takes forever for me to put it on and I just hate it. Am I saying that people who wear make up are stupid? No! I'm just saying I don't like it. She's always picking me apart. You need to wear more make up, you need to fix your hair better, you need to wear this instead of that. Then there is the fact that everything she does is okay but no one else can do it. She can lie, cheat, steal but no one else can. For instance, the other day she asked me to keep something from my brother and I said okay because I didn't want to start anything. Then today I ask her to do that for me and she flipped out. Why is it okay for her but not me or someone else? the other thing that gets me is that she told my brother that he shouldn't let me pick up his girls, my nieces, from school. Yes, I know that I've had a couple of wrecks and I know that I've messed up. But what bugs me is that I haven't had a wreck in a year and I still can't drive them. I'm okay with not driving them to some degree but what bugs me is that when one of my nieces says something about me taking them with me, my mom or brother say oh she doesn't want to and makes it out to be my fault for not taking them. When in reality its my brother and my mom. Maybe I'm being too sensitive and I should think more about it. I know this is alot but I'm just so tired of it.

[jacqueline1110]

Originally Posted by maymie

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm having trouble with my mom again and I could use input. Okay here it goes. Yes you have the right place
My mother and I don't have a good relationship at all. Granted it is better than the one I have with my dad. My mom and i aren't that close. Heck, she doesn't even know my favorite color. In high school I thought it would get better but now I'm 23 and wondering if it ever will. That must be very frustrating for you, and sad too. I know what it's like to have a stage mother. Makeup, dresses an all! And not even know a thing about me, I can relate. Sounds like you are being pushed into things without her having any sense of who you are

Yes, someday I'd love to get married but I'm in no rush either. Her other thing is that I need to wear more make up. Her attitude is that if you don't wear make up or alot of it than your ugly. [COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]That's simply not true, I'm a model and I don't wear makeup. Have you tried talking to her? Maybe you can say I appreciate your opinion, but you are okay with your own choices. I'd say you have a great outlook on things, and very smart, can make up your own mind. Sometimes people will have opinions, you don't have to agree with them. [/COLOR]

Then there is the fact that everything she does is okay but no one else can do it. She can lie, cheat, steal [COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]Really steal? not healthy. Be careful when dealing with her. Does she have a drug or alcohol problem? Maybe you can check out al-anon[/COLOR]but no one else can. For instance, the other day she asked me to keep something from my brother and I said okay because I didn't want to start anything. Then today I ask her to do that for me and she flipped out. Why is it okay for her but not me or someone else?[COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]Um, it's not okay. I don't know the whole story, but I things just don't sound good here.[/COLOR] the other thing that gets me is that she told my brother that he shouldn't let me pick up his girls, my nieces, from school. Yes, I know that I've had a couple of wrecks and I know that I've messed up. But what bugs me is that I haven't had a wreck in a year and I still can't drive them. I'm okay with not driving them to some degree but what bugs me is that when one of my nieces says something about me taking them with me, my mom or brother say oh she doesn't want to and makes it out to be my fault for not taking them. Hopefully you can explain to your nieces you would love to take them and tell them the why notWhen in reality its my brother and my mom. Maybe I'm being too sensitive and I should think more about it. I know this is alot but I'm just so tired of it.

[COLOR="rgb(0, 191, 255)"]I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. I left home when I was 14. I'm now in my 40's with girls your age. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I don't like my daughter driving either, I"m afraid to lose her because she had a few wrecks also but I don't stop her either. Keep us posted on your situation.And check out al-anon. It's free and even if your mother and father aren't on drugs or drinking it will explain a lot to you. Also, ACA (adult children of alcoholics) for info. Let me know if you have any problem with that. You are doing great!! [/COLOR] My color isn't working again.

[Doh2007]

With support you can lessen the bad feelings you get from your Mom. I don't think we're ever free from their influence, good or bad. You have a right to discover who you are and who you want to be without being criticized, but good luck changing her. Best wishes.

[maymie]

Originally Posted by jacqueline1110

[COLOR="rgb(0, 191, 255)"]I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. I left home when I was 14. I'm now in my 40's with girls your age. I don't lie, cheat or steal. I don't like my daughter driving either, I"m afraid to lose her because she had a few wrecks also but I don't stop her either. Keep us posted on your situation.And check out al-anon. It's free and even if your mother and father aren't on drugs or drinking it will explain a lot to you. Also, ACA (adult children of alcoholics) for info. Let me know if you have any problem with that. You are doing great!! [/color] My color isn't working again.

My mom doesn't do drugs or drink. I was just using the stealing and etc. as an example as to her saying its okay for her to lie but not me or someone else. I was just trying to convey the fact that she is a hypocrite. As I said, my mom doesn't do drugs or drink.

[jacqueline1110]

Originally Posted by maymie

My mom doesn't do drugs or drink. I was just using the stealing and etc. as an example as to her saying its okay for her to lie but not me or someone else. I was just trying to convey the fact that she is a hypocrite. As I said, my mom doesn't do drugs or drink.

I get it. I'm glad she doesn't do drugs or drink. Having a hypocritical mother can really be aggravating. I wish they had an Adult Child of Hypocritical Parents Group. lol

[AAAAA]

Maymie - It might be a generational thing. When hubby and I were first married my mom couldn't believe that I didn't put on makeup when he came home on the weekends. He was in the Navy and just about to move (with me) so there was no point in moving. He'd go to school all night, get off at 7 am, drive for 8 hours to come home. What was the point in putting on makeup if he was just going to come home to go to bed within the hour so the rest of our weekend was not shot.

Growing up my mom favored my brother, and readily admitted it. I don't know if she was jealous of the relationship that I had with my dad or she just never understood me but we were never close. When my dad died, suddenly I've become her best friend. My brother rarely returns her calls and I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces for her. It was pretty uncomfortable for several years. Compounded by the fact that my mother figure growing up was my Aunt. She now resents the time I spend with my Aunt when I go home.

[injaga]

Your life is yours, you have to feel it on your own way. I'm in your side.

I'm the one who in reverse situation. I'm not American. I'm Asian. My mother doesn't give me any advice me or ask me to follow her direction how to be a nice lady. She never gives me an advice to to be a woman. She is a nice woman and I love my mother. But I hate that she never tell me any advice for being a better woman. Now I hate myself. I'm fat, (my mother never been fat) , cannot use make up, not good choosing what to wear and how to communicate with men, bf etc.
I wish she would have been paying some attention to me on those things. My girlfriend's mothers always close with them and gives them advise. Sometimes I think she is selfish and doesn't really care about me. Me being just alive and not ill is just enough her. But I'm okay. I learn from friends, read magazines, articles and get consulting from someone around good at taking care about herself. But I think she should have paid more attention to me when I was younger specially teenager. I was suffering a lot.

Too involvement is bad and none of involvement is also bad. You are smart and strong. You can deal with her without keeping good mother and daughter relationship.

[UCLAFan]

I can relate.But i'm older than u and still single.My mom has been the same way to me.But she got out of hand last time i saw her.Have not spoke to her in 9 months.I hope your situation do's not get that bad.But i had to do what's best for me.Been living on my own since 1989.My mom thinks after all that time.That i am not capable of living on my own.

Originally Posted by maymie

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm having trouble with my mom again and I could use input. Okay here it goes.
My mother and I don't have a good relationship at all. Granted it is better than the one I have with my dad. My mom and i aren't that close. Heck, she doesn't even know my favorite color. In high school I thought it would get better but now I'm 23 and wondering if it ever will. My mom is one of those women who can't be alone. I mean she can but she would rather be with someone who abused her than be alone. Me on the other hand love to be single. But thats the difference between her and I. She looks as singleness as being alone and having no one and I look at it as being able to enjoy my friends and family better than I would if I weren't single. She has never truly been single. She jumps from man to man, relationship to relationship just so she won't be alone. I have tried very hard not to imitate her in this. She is always telling me that I should be married by now but I enjoy not being married. I'm finishing college and enjoying the single life. Yes, someday I'd love to get married but I'm in no rush either. Her other thing is that I need to wear more make up. Her attitude is that if you don't wear make up or alot of it than your ugly. I don't really care for make up on me. It takes forever for me to put it on and I just hate it. Am I saying that people who wear make up are stupid? No! I'm just saying I don't like it. She's always picking me apart. You need to wear more make up, you need to fix your hair better, you need to wear this instead of that. Then there is the fact that everything she does is okay but no one else can do it. She can lie, cheat, steal but no one else can. For instance, the other day she asked me to keep something from my brother and I said okay because I didn't want to start anything. Then today I ask her to do that for me and she flipped out. Why is it okay for her but not me or someone else? the other thing that gets me is that she told my brother that he shouldn't let me pick up his girls, my nieces, from school. Yes, I know that I've had a couple of wrecks and I know that I've messed up. But what bugs me is that I haven't had a wreck in a year and I still can't drive them. I'm okay with not driving them to some degree but what bugs me is that when one of my nieces says something about me taking them with me, my mom or brother say oh she doesn't want to and makes it out to be my fault for not taking them. When in reality its my brother and my mom. Maybe I'm being too sensitive and I should think more about it. I know this is alot but I'm just so tired of it.

[Hope4u2b]

Be glad your not married with kids and have the problem of a hypocritical, controlling mom. My mother can't get the fact that I'm not gonna be exactly like her. She triedsto correct everything I do or wear. If it's not her way it's wrong. She tells me how to raise my kids and deal with my husband, is quick to tell me if I look like crap, or said something wrong. I'm 25 married with 2 children and I still am asked by my mother to call her when I get home, don't stay out too late, blah blah blah. I'm on the verge of picking my family up and moving far away from her so I can finally live my own life. Anyone have advice for me? I've tried everything from not talking to her and keeping my kids away from her and nothing works!

Sounds awful, but I'm glad my mother died when I was young. She was sick since I was 3 so I never really knew her. I'd hate to have someone who is supposed to love you "unconditionally" criticizing you all the time & hovering over you when you are a grown adult.

My "kids" are 32 & 29. We have a great relationship (probably because we live in different states!!) but we meet every couple mos. in sunny AZ to have family time together so we must have done something right for them to want to spend time with us & we talk to them probably about twice a week on the phone.

Sorry you all are having such difficulties.--Suzy